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“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. So, what happened after?”
I grimace. “That's where I fucked up. I told her it was a mistake.”
“Fucking hell, man.” He shakes his head and moves to sit in his seat properly, starting up the Jeep.
“And now she hates me.”
“I don’t blame her. You can’t do that shit. Playing with her heart like that... it’s fucked up.”
“I know,” I growl as we pull out of the parking lot. “I didn’t mean to. It’s just, fuck, she was in my lap, her body was molded to mine. And her lips, fucking hell, her lips were heaven. It’s everything I dreamed about and more.”
“Unless you’ve changed your mind about being with her, you can’t do that shit again.” He sounds pissed, and he looks it too. “You're my best friend, but so is Lilly. I love you, man, but I’m not going to let you toy with her heart and hurt her.”
“I don’t want to do that!” I shout.
“Then don’t fucking touch her like that again.” He shouts back. “I don’t even think getting the friendship back you had before is a good idea. Not when there's deeper emotions at play. But I understand you can’t just cut her from your life. So, keep it as just friends. If anything, start acting like her brother and not a jealous ex.”
I don’t say anything, hating his words. I don’t want to act like her brother. I’m not her fucking brother. I might not be able to be her lover, but I can still be her person, right?
Fuck, I’m selfish. I know that. But I’m not ready to let her go just yet. I don’t know if I could survive that. The past two years have been my own personal hell.
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Then at least keep your fucking hands to yourself.”
“I will.” Or at least I’ll try. It’s easier said than done. When I’m around her it takes everything in me not to push her up against the nearest surface and fucking consume her.
“You better. Now, about your shitty mood. Club, tomorrow night. I’ll get you in the line-up.”
“Thanks,” I sigh.
“Oh, and I have a date with Lilly on Sunday.” He turns to grin at me and every muscle in my body tenses.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, eerily calm.
“Well, not a date.” He chuckles. “She invited me to family supper, and I know you're going to your grandparents’ restaurant for your pop’s birthday, so I thought why not? I haven’t hung out with my girl in a while, and I need me some Lilly time.”
I hate it when he says it like that. She’s not his girl, but he’s been calling her that since we were teenagers. She always laughs about it. But it’s when he calls her il mio cuore that really pisses me off. Lilly may never have taken the time to look up the meaning, but I did. She’s not his fucking heart, she’s mine.
He might not know this, but I’ve seen the way he used to look at her. Even though he always said Lilly was like his little sister, I knew it was bullshit. I made it my life's mission to be aware of my surroundings, especially when it came to Lilly. And I saw how he looked at her when he thought no one else could see him. I asked him once, and he laughed it off like it was the funniest thing in the world.
It’s been a while since he showed any signs, mostly since he started sleeping around in high school. But now, I’m regretting asking him to spend more time with her.
Mostly because I’m jealous that he can and I can’t. Maybe if I could I would be able to get Lilly to stop hating me.
Chapter 17
Lillianna
For the past week, I’ve been in a sour mood. I just can’t get past that night. We shared such a life changing moment, and then he has the balls to tell me that it shouldn’t have happened and to just forget about it?
Does he honestly think I could do that? There's no way in hell I can pretend I didn’t grind on top of him until we both came.
I was sure that what we did was proof that he liked me more than just friends, but maybe it was just something physical for him. Is that why he thought it could be so easy to act like nothing happened?
I’m pissed at him. He’s been texting me, trying to get me to talk to him, but I’ve deleted all of his messages without even reading them. I debated blocking him, but I couldn’t do it.
The thing is, I don’t want Toby out of my life. On the other hand, I’m not ready to let him back in again either. Not after what he did. My mind is a mess and I don’t know what to think or what I should do.
