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After Toby left for SVU, he would sometimes come home on the weekends to sleep over. On his first night back, I heard him calling out my name so I rushed to his room, only to find him asleep.
He said it in the same way he just did now, begging me not to do something and sounding like he was in utter pain while doing it.
I didn’t know what to do. I tried to wake him up, calling out his name and shaking his shoulder. I was going to go get my parents when he reached out and pulled me into his arms. He immediately settled down, cuddling me tighter to him.
I didn’t try to leave, being in his arms at a time like that meant everything to me. It meant my presence brought him comfort. Plus, I didn’t want to hear him in pain like that anymore.
So, I slept in his arms that night and every night he visited since. But I’d always wake up before him and slip out of the room before he woke up.
I almost forgot about it until tonight. I didn’t hear him any of the other nights since I moved in across the hall, but it’s clear that they haven’t gone away.
My eyes go to Bishop, but he’s fast asleep... with earplugs in? I guess this isn’t new for them and my heart breaks all over again.
I could try to wake him up, shake him out of his nightmare, but the way he whimpers my name... I can’t.
Biting my lower lip, I creep across the room and pull back the covers. “Shhh,” I whisper, brushing the sweaty hair on his forehead back. “I’m here.”
He mumbles something unintelligible, and as soon as I lower myself onto the bed, his arms snake out, wrapping around me to pull me into his chest. I go willingly because when it comes to Toby, I’m weak.
I hate it sometimes, that I allow someone to have this much power over me. But it’s Toby, and I can’t explain it. He’s my person.
“Sleep,” I murmur against his chest as I close my eyes. I’m not sure what his nightmares consist of; I’ve never asked him about them because I didn’t want him finding out about the nighttime visits. But I hope that whatever they are, I can help by doing this and soothing the ache they create within him.
And I do it over and over again even if it kills me to have him touch me like this, knowing he isn’t mine and never will be.
Chapter 18
Lillianna
Ihave no recollection of last night or how I ended up in Toby’s room, let alone his bed. Thankfully, I woke up before he did, so I quickly left and went back to my own room. Grabbing everything I needed, I snuck right back out to get ready for the day.
For a small second, I wondered if something more happened between us, but I know Toby, and he would never have slept with me while I was drunk.
Now, I’m showered and dressed, but still feeling like death—yay for being hungover!— while I work on some school assignments.
There's a knock at my door.
“Hey, Shorty,” Bishop greets me with a bashful smile after I open my dorm door.
Glaring at him, I blink my eyes, wishing I was still fast asleep. But it’s noon and I have family supper tonight. I usually go a few hours early to hang out with the family, but I didn’t feel like driving, so I texted Bishop to see if he would take me.
“Well, don’t you just look like the welcome wagon,” he chuckles.
“I feel like death,” I mutter, stepping away so that I can grab my purse. My hair is still wet, tossed up into a messy bun, and I’m wearing a baggie hoodie and a pair of sweats. I didn’t feel well enough to put in the time and effort into looking nice today.
“You look like it, too.” His grin grows wider.
I shoot him another glare over my shoulder and flip him off. “Asshole.”
“Where’s Bee?”
“Gone out with Clay. Lucky bitch isn’t hung over.”
“I thought I told her to stay away from him,” Bishop grumbles.
I push him out of the doorway so I can close and lock the door. “Well, this is Bee we’re talking about. You can’t tell her what to do. It’s never worked before.”
“Would work if I broke the fucker’s legs?” he questions as we walk to the elevator.
