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“Okay, so you're sorry it happened. Got it. I’m going to take a page from your book and pretend it didn’t happen too.” Lies. Because there's no way I could convince myself of that, but he doesn’t need to know.
He looks around before grabbing my arm and pulling me down the small hallway. “What are you doing?” I huff. He doesn’t say anything as he pushes the back exit door open, which leads us out to an alley. “Toby, what the hell?”
I gasp as he pushes me up against the wall, caging me in. My heart pounds in my chest as he looms over me.
“I was wrong to say it didn’t mean anything to me, because fuck, it meant the world. It was everything I’ve ever wanted and more. You're everything I want, Little Flower, and I don’t want you to think for a moment that I don’t want you.”
“You want me?” I whisper, my head swimming with confusion. “Then why did you want to just forget it?”
“Because even though I want you, I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?” My brow furrows.
“Because, it’s wrong.”
“No, it’s not,” I argue, getting pissed off. “You want me, I want you, it's as simple as that.”
He lets out a pained groan, putting his forehead to the brick above me.
“But it’s not. You're my sister, Lilly. It’s wrong.”
That causes a surge of anger to fill me. “Oh, that's fucking bullshit!” I snap. “You know damn well we’ve never been like that with each other, not even from the moment we met. So don’t go spewing that shit to me. I want you, Toby. I’ve wanted you for so fucking long, it’s killing me. When you left for SVU and started acting like I meant nothing to you, something inside me fucking died. But I still had this fucked up hope that someday you would see me as something more. That you would come back to me and things would be like they used to be.” I shove at his chest a little in frustration.
“And then that night we watched the movie, you gave me everything I’ve been pathetically hoping for, only to then rip it all away and make a fool out of me. Now you want to tell me you want me but can’t have me because of some bullshit reason.” I shake my head, tears spilling from my eyes. He brings his thumb up to brush them away, whispering my name, but I shake him off.
“No. I’m done. I might love you and wish we could be together, but I’m done. I won’t sit around and wait for you to want me back, because apparently you do, but I’m not worth the risk in your eyes. I can’t keep letting you hurt me. Maybe we can be friends someday, but right now, I need to let myself move on. I deserve to be happy; I deserve to be with someone who loves me. And if that can’t be you, then I’ll find someone else.”
With every ounce of strength I have in me, I slip out from under his arms and head towards the door.
“Fuck!” he roars, and I hear him hit something before cursing. But I don’t look back and he doesn’t call my name. That hurts. Really, really bad.
My lip quivers and my eyes sting as I make my way back into the café. I will not cry, I will not break. I’ve done that enough. As much as I love Toby, I won’t keep hurting myself over wanting him.
When I get to the seating area, I see that the hockey guys and the puck bunnies are gone. “What's wrong?” Bishop’s voice makes me jump. I look over to see him walking towards me
“Oh, nothing.” I give him a smile, but I know my eyes give it away. “Nothing that matters.”
He looks in the direction I just came from and back to me. He saw me leave with Toby, I’m sure of it.
But he doesn’t say anything, and I’m grateful for that because I might just break down if he does.
“So, what are you doing after school tomorrow?”
I blink up at him. “Ahh, nothing really? Just some school work. Was going to go to the library to do it, and maybe study a little bit.”
“Awesome. What time?”
“Six?”
He grins, reaches down and scoops up some of the whip cream from my drink and boops it on my nose. I laugh as he grins wide, sucking the rest from his finger. “I’ll meet you there at six.”
I blink in shock as he spins around on his heel and takes off towards the front door. He pauses before he leaves. “Until then, il mio cuore.” He winks, and then he’s gone out the door.
“What a loser.” Bianca laughs.
“He is not.” I look over to her, a little frazzled from everything that just happened in the last five minutes.
My eyes cross as I look down at the whipped cream on my nose and grin. Wiping it off, I lick it from my finger and shake my head.
