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It looks like Shane doesn’t have any more questions. He appears just as struck as I am. “Nothing further,” he whispers.
I don’t watch Finn leave the courtroom, three police officers flanking him. I can’t meet his eyes. All I can think is all the old heads before me were right:
Love will get you killed.
Chapter 23
Rax
There are two more days of testimony, but I’m no longer paying attention. There’s nothing that can be said that’s worse than what Finn did to me. I racked my brain all night, trying to figure out what the fuck happened. Shane said he called the number he had for Finn repeatedly, but it said it was no longer in service. Prez and Zeke told him Finn was whisked away quickly and an officer said there was a restraining order against the two of them. They know it’s a shitty piece of paper, but Shane said he advised them to not pursue anything on my word. He said neither man looked happy about it but said they would respect it.
I’m not sure why I’m not giving the word to have Finn offed. All I can think is a world without Finn in it is a dark world, even though he really fucked me over.
I’ve never felt guilty about anything I’ve ever done, none of the crimes I’ve ever committed. But if I were to have Finn killed, it would be something I would regret for the rest of my days. I tried to convince myself all night that it needed to be done, so I wouldn’t look weak, but it’s too late. I already am weak. My brothers saw how the man I was head over heels for betrayed me. The world saw it since this trial is televised. If something happens to Finn, it falls back on me and my brothers.
I already lost him; I can’t have them under a microscope too.
The woman I saw peeking out the window of the store when I ran into Finn outside the grocery store is the last witness on the stand. I’m not sure what I expected her to say, but it wasn’t what comes out of her mouth.
“He looked like trouble when I saw him in the parking lot,” she says in a superior tone, shaking her head in disgust at me. “I should have told poor Finnegan to come back inside, to let me call that man,” she sneers that word, “a tow truck, but I didn’t want to meddle. I’ve been beating myself up about that every night until Finnegan was released. He’s such a good boy. He didn’t deserve that.”
I chuckle quietly. Finn told me this lady was a real bitch to him. I’m not sure what her motive is, but I no longer care. I’m going to have the book thrown at me, for the murder of Trenton and the kidnapping of Finn. More because of the raw emotion Finn showed on the stand. He’s not like Trenton. He doesn’t have a past with skeletons in his closet. He was a kid in the wrong place and the wrong time and ran into the likes of me.
Shane asks her a few questions, but nothing that makes me look any better. He was right—the other side wanted the world to see how they tore me down and put the big bad guy away for the rest of his life, so he can’t get out to hurt other people. This was all a spectacle. There was no way I’ll be found innocent on any of these counts. The only question is how much longer my sentence will be.
I’m not sure what else can be accomplished with this trial. Everyone knows what I did and my previous charges have been laid bare. No way will the jury give me anything less than life.
After the old lady with the bad hairdo leaves the stand, Shane and the sharp lady attorney give their closing arguments and the jury is sent out to deliberate. I know it’s a losing battle and they’ll come back with life or worse.
What do I have to live for anyway? The love of my life sat on the stand and put an extra nail in my coffin. I’m not sure why, but someone convinced him to lie about me. What would that gain him though? Finn knows who I am, he knows the club I’m associated with. He has to know he won’t last after that.
No. No, I told Shane to let them know he’s off limits. No matter what happens, he can’t be touched. I’ll make sure I tell Shane again. Regardless of what happens to me, Finn has to be safe.
That night in my cell, I dream for the first time in a long time. In my dream, I watch Finn walk around the house that was supposed to be mine in Cuba. The sun is shining brightly on him as he rearranges the watercolor picture he picked out. He huffs when he can’t get it straight, looking back at me with a pout of irritation. Finn opens his mouth to say something, but I’m woken by the guard, telling me it’s time for count.
I throw my legs over the side of the bed, placing my head in my hands, and heave in a breath. The first time I dream in years and it’s about Finn? About a future we’ll never have. My subconscious must really hate me to put that image in my head. Now I won’t be able to forget it.
Count consists of me stepping outside of my cell and repeating the number assigned to me. No other prisoners are out there, so I’m not sure if it’s an individual thing or I’m the only one here. Either way, I’m ready to get back in my cell so I can try to grab on to any fragments of that dream that I can.
Unfortunately, I have court.
Today is the day. When I was escorted into the courthouse, Shane said the jury is back with a verdict. I’m led inside with my shackles and wrist cuffs, the noise grating on my nerves. When I walk in the courtroom, I scan the crowd for Finn and I’m surprised when I see him. Prez and Zeke are shooting daggers at the side of his face, but he doesn’t look in their direction. He looks as unwell as he did the other day when he testified, but no worse for wear. Maybe testifying against me hurt him too.
He meets my eyes and they brim with tears for a moment, then they go hard and flinty. What the fuck?
Before I can try to analyze it, Shane pulls my chair out and motions for me to sit down. We talk for a few moments about what to expect before the judge comes in. Of course, we’re not expecting good news, but we need to be prepared. He said it’s more likely I’ll get life, since Trenton had a history of abuse. Kidnapping doesn’t come with the death penalty, so they may end up stacking life sentences on me.
Whatever.
“All rise,” the bailiff says and we stand, my shackles clanking as I try to shuffle into a comfortable standing position.
“Be seated.” After we’re all back in our seats, the judge moves his gavel and rearranges some papers I’m not sure he really needs. “Now, let’s get this show on the road. I have golf in an hour.” The crowd and jury laugh, but I give Shane a dry look. He shakes his head imperceptibly.
Sighing, I turn back to the judge whose gaze is fixed on me. “Mr. James, am I boring you?”
“No more than usual, Your Honor,” I answer, causing Shane to blow out a hard breath before he eyes me hard. I shrug. I’m going away for a long time—no need to apologize and think it’ll lighten my sentence.
The judge stares me down and I stare right back. Fuck him. He breaks eye contact first and I grin.
