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“Do you know how excited I was to finally get out of this shithole? I thought I could find a better life out there with you, but at the last minute, you decide I’m not worthy enough. Maybe I don’t get you off anymore, maybe that’s really why I’m being tossed aside.”
Selliss picks up a rag and wipes himself off, avoiding any eye contact with me as I stare him down. He looks away so I can no longer tell how he feels.
For all I know, the guilt has become replaced with carelessness. Perhaps he didn’t hear anything of what I just said, but what more does it matter now? He turns for the door.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“I… I have to leave. Duty calls.”
“Yeah, run away like the coward you truly are, you piece of shit!”
I grab a bowl and hurl it at the wall. It smashes to the ground, but still, Selliss does nothing, only closing the door gently behind him. The twist of the lock is the final nail in the coffin.
Somehow, even after my rage-filled tirade, I am still alive, and in one piece. I am not yet done.
I grab the tablecloth and whisk it away, sending all that remains to the ground. The carpeted floor becomes stained with all sorts of colors, from the bright red blood of raw meat to the deep, rich blue of paquir.
Right now, though, I can’t find a single damn to give about Selliss’ furnishings. It continues with the bed as I rip the sheets away, tossing them to the opposite side of the room.
I empty each and every one of the drawers and cabinets. I hurl all of his gifts to the ground.
When all is said and done, the room is an unrecognizable mess. I retreat to the seat by the window, exhaustion replacing my anger. It anchors me down in place as I look south towards Lodra, at a future that was robbed from me all because someone decided I wasn’t good enough to live happily.
As I sit there, a tear falls down my cheek. I dash it away, holding back any further crying for the time being. In my self-convincing to maintain my composure, all of Selliss’ words about Lodra echo in my head.
I think of all those humans getting to live freely and roam in the southern region. While I’m happy there exists a place where humans aren’t treated like garbage, I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why I don’t deserve that kind of liberty.
The gods know I’ve been through more than enough harsh treatment at the hands of Kriseri’s men.
“So much for a change,” I remark, gazing longingly at the sky. “We could have been happy together, Selliss… But you just had to go and change that, all for your beloved King, didn’t you?”
I rest my head back against the wall, closing my eyes as I wallow in defeat. I can’t help but laugh at my despair, finding it utterly ironic how the one man who had been a beacon of hope ultimately ends up standing in my way.
I am his slave after all. What kind of owner strives to make life better for his property? Just when I thought I found someone different, it turns out he’s no better than the rest of them.
“Maybe I’m the fool for thinking I had a shot.”
Over the next few hours, I go from silence to crying, to talking aloud to myself and repeating the cycle over. Eventually, it comes time for my evening meal.
At any moment, Selliss is going to come through that door. He’ll likely beat me for the mess I’ve made, but I’m done caring.
I rise to my feet when I hear the lock opening. I’m surprised to see it’s just a servant carrying a tray of food. He stops and casts a glance at the floor.
“I suppose I’ll just leave this here,” he says, placing the tray down on the vanity.
“Where is Selliss?” I ask.
“Captain Selliss asked me to inform you that he is still busy with his duties. He will return to you later in the evening.”
I roll my eyes and turn away as the servant takes his leave.
I guess Selliss is already scouting for a replacement, fucking any and every girl in sight. Coward.
“I’ve just about had it. I’m done being stuck here.”
Deciding on my next move, I find the nearest sack and begin stuffing it with my belongings. I pack some fruit, water, a blanket and a change of clothes.
It’s clear to me that if I’m ever going to get out of here, it won’t be with the assistance of Selliss. Sometimes, a woman just has to look out for herself and not wait for empty promises.
