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Once everything is ready to go, I gorge on my dinner. I do not know when my next hot meal will be so I cannot afford to take any chances.
There is still some light in the sky. I only hope that whatever Selliss is busy with, it keeps him occupied long enough for me to make my escape.
“I’ll take my leave when it’s dark,” I mutter. “If I wait around for Selliss to return, he’ll just haul me back to prison himself.”
I’m scared for what happens next, but I’m not going to die in a cage. It’ll be on my own terms.
19
SELLISS
I’m by my lonesome in the training room. There is a great force of guilt overwhelming me, something that I need to rid myself of. I can’t exactly take it out on Maya, so I figure the next best thing is to put myself through a grueling workout.
Just as I’m about to begin, I am interrupted by the sudden entrance of a servant. I spin around in anger, hissing through my teeth.
“How dare you?”
“I deeply apologize, sir! It’s just that the time for your evening meal has come.”
“Do I look like I’m ready to eat?” I ask sarcastically.
“Well, what about the human woman in your quarters? She likely expects you back at any moment.”
“Hmm,” I mutter. “This is true… Deliver her dinner. She can start without me, inform her that I am too busy with my duties. Do not disturb me again or there will be consequences.”
“Understood, Captain Selliss.”
The servant makes a swift exit. I exercise with the ferocity of a madman, smashing personal records and moving through the motions more fluidly than I ever have before.
I am the angriest I have been since Lasta and Zalith ousted me from Lodra, perhaps even more so. As deep as I am in rage, I am still a reasonable man, and I know that no blame can be placed on Maya.
Rather, I’m disgusted with how this entire situation has worked out. Worse yet, I know she has every right to be as irate as she is. I would be too if I had been filled with hope, only to have it ripped away.
She needs her space to calm down, and so do I. If I do not expend this dangerous energy on the weights, then someone’s head would have to do, and I don’t exactly feel like being arrested for murdering one of my own on this dreadful evening.
As I exercise, I am fueled by all the hate-filled words that came out of Maya’s mouth. There was no word of a lie when she accused me of leading her on.
Despite how right she may have been, however, she is still wrong about my concern for her. That’s why I hurt as much as I do in this moment.
What drove me out of that room was the guilt of knowing I may have just screwed her for the worse.
As much as I hate to admit it, I have come to care for Maya. Becoming sentimental for a human wasn’t what I came to Yadat for. It was to take revenge on someone who had done the very same thing.
Yet, my murderous motives are long gone now. Things have only grown worse, and I am deep in the thick of it.
I cannot afford to throw away the life I have built for myself here. No one has ascended the ranks like me and blown away the King with all he has to offer.
Going back to Lodra and being recognized will spell certain doom for me. It’s not like they would host a homecoming party with open arms. If anything, they will kill me on sight for defecting to a hostile region.
I finish my exercises but do not yet feel it is the right time to return to Maya. As I contemplate what to do next, a bunch of soldiers enter the training room, rejoicing at the sight of me.
“There he is! We were looking everywhere for you, Captain! We’re going to celebrate tonight with a couple of ales, what do you say?”
“Celebrate? What’s the occasion?” I ask.
“Our soon-to-be victory over Lodra, of course!”
These guys are getting way too ahead of themselves… But I could do with some numbing to this mess.
