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Taking a few moments to prep my workstation and set up my webcam from my laptop before joining the video call with Claire. I’m a bit ahead of schedule, but I’m a ‘If you aren’t five minutes early, you’re late’ kind of gal.
It doesn’t take long for Claire to join the call and her webcam connects. She’s at her home office, a full bookshelf behind her on one side, a window on the other. Her blonde hair is tied back in a loose ponytail and the gold in her glasses make her hazel eyes stand out more.
“Lara! Appreciate you taking the time to meet with me today”.
As if she didn’t strong-arm her way into my calendar with Candace.
“I would never miss an opportunity to meet, especially if work allows.”
“I’m happy to hear things have slowed down then. How has your move been?”
Slowed down? She can’t be serious.
“It’s been great. The locals are nice. Though I’m debating exchanging my high heels for a closet of plaid shirts.”
Claire snickers loudly and then quickly composes herself, as if she shouldn’t laugh this hard at my clear disdain for lumberjack attire.
“I was wondering how your choice in clothes was going to change. Thankfully it’s still summer. I can’t imagine you’ll enjoy Minnesota winters with five or six inch heels.”
I snort. “You are absolutely correct, I’ve ordered Alaskan snowshoes from Amazon. They’ll be here in 3 days. One can never be too careful with how temperamental mother nature might be. Today, it could be summer, and tomorrow it could be ten degrees and snowing.”
Claire smirks, restraining herself from another outburst of laughter before the humor drops from her face and I brace myself for the impending pivot to the real portion of the conversation.
“So, tell me about the nightmares, Lara”
I sigh loudly. “There’s nothing new to talk about. They’re the same as they always have been.”
Claire eyes me with a raised brow as she waits strategically. She knows I’m uncomfortable with silence in these meetings.
“It’s the normal dream where I’m in that room, and I hear him approach from down the hall. I wake up when he opens the door, and I’m soaked in sweat.”
At least this is the easiest nightmare to talk about.
Claire has yet to know the actual depth of my traumas. I resigned myself to the knowledge that all those memories will never get verbalized into existence. That would make them real.
There’s a drawn out pause from Claire as she thinks through that information. “How has the move into the new house been? Has anything happened that’s made you feel anxious?”
I rub my temples again and suck in a breath, blowing it out my mouth as I prepare to tell her when my door opens.
Saved by the bell.
“Hey Lara, are these the samples? The lab team is here to process them.” Henry speaks loudly as he and Candace are standing in the doorway, Candace winks at me slyly.
“Ah, apologies. I have to meet with them about these samples. It’s quite important.”
Claire is quiet for a moment. She won’t argue but we both know she’s not happy that I didn’t talk about things the way she would prefer. Exposing my scars was never something I did willingly in these sessions. I don’t do vulnerability.
“Alright, I’ll reach out to Candace and book more time with you next week. Until then, Lara, please make sure you’re taking those meds I prescribed for your sleep. They will help until we are able to sort through things.”
“Thank you, Claire. Have a great evening.”
I hastily end the call and slump back in my seat, shutting my eyes dramatically.
“Is the lab team really here?” I open one eye and wait for their reaction.
“They’ll be here soon. Seems like the contractors that we hired to gather air quality samples got here early and they met up with the lab team about 20 minutes ago.”
I open my other eye and frown at Henry, “How? I didn’t see them when I was at the lake getting my samples.”
