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“Because I can’t,” I said, bringing my hand to his face. “I think about you all day. It’s like I can barely focus on work and what I need to be doing. My spirit longs for you, Jakari. I feel like we are both in a spiritual turmoil and have been hurt by one of the people that should care the most… my mother and your father.”
“I’m sorry about your dad, baby.”
He said that shit so tenderly it practically ripped the tears from my sockets. I broke down in his arms, burying my face in his chest as he repeatedly kissed my head. After a moment, I did my best to contain myself and reel my emotions back in. I pulled away from him. “I’m sorry.”
I stood from the bed and went to the bathroom. After I closed the door, I stared at myself in the mirror, feeling a lot like I knew Jakari was feeling. I didn’t mean to break down in his presence. It was bad enough I was practically begging him to be in my life. I grabbed a towel and wet it with cold water then patted my face with it. I took a couple of deep breaths, exhaling them slowly, then opened the door to see Jakari was no longer in bed.
I glanced around the room then went to the front to see that he’d left. My eyes closed involuntarily as the tears fell. I wasted time composing myself because I was in shambles all over again.
* * *
I was irritated big time.I didn’t know why they expected me to stay the entire day today. It was Friday, and I normally worked half a day, but they thought I should stay to attend the pep rally like the rest of the staff. I couldn’t give two fucks about going to a pep rally. They pumped football up entirely too much. If they focused on academics and reading as much as they did football, we would have a school full of A-honor-roll students.
Hardin Jefferson had a great curriculum and did hold their students to a high standard, but in my opinion, there was always room for growth, even if only one student in the entire school was failing. As I shut down my computer and prepared to head to the gym, I saw the twins. Seeing them only reminded me of how Jakari left me last night. To my surprise, I still wasn’t angry about it. He’d tried to leave, and I made it difficult for him to do so.
When I went to the bathroom, he didn’t let his window of opportunity pass him by. I texted him, apologizing for trying to force him to do something he didn’t want to do. As much as it pained me, I also told him that I would wait for him to reach out to me and stop being so clingy. This wasn’t like me one bit. I didn’t chase no got damn body. I slowly shook my head as I thought about him. He told me he wasn’t ready, but I wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Maybe he’d gotten what he wanted from me. My mind constantly reiterated that to me, but my heart would immediately shut that shit down. I knew what I felt from him, and that was why it was so hard for me to let go. He needed me. The way he told me about his father last night, it seemed like he’d been dying to get that out. The crazy part was thathedidn’t even know why he felt so comfortable doing so.
Knowing his dad was a pedophile had to be a hard pill to swallow. I wondered if he knew any of his victims. A lot of predators usually went after people they knew. I felt like that was mainly because people would be at ease, not suspecting foul shit to happen. Just the fact that it had been twelve years since his father got locked up and he still had such a bad taste in his mouth about it, led me to believe his victims were probably people he was close to… possibly family.
As I continued to the gym, I did my best to put Jakari out of my mind. Hopefully this shit would go by fast so I could get home. When I walked inside the gym and saw a few familiar faces, I took a deep breath. Mayor Henderson was here along with a couple of his brothers, one of them being Ashanni’s dad. My heart rate had quickened even more when I saw the guy Jakari worked with the most. If I was remembering correctly, his name was Philly. If they were all here, then Jakari was probably here too.
I quickly made my way to the restroom, hoping none of them noticed me, only to walk right into Jakari after going through the door. He reached out to steady me then just stared into my eyes. I could see the sadness in his, but I wondered if what I saw in his eyes were only a reflection of what was in my eyes. Although I blamed myself for what happened, I couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt.
I cleared my throat and said, “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”
Before he could respond, I walked away on trembling legs, hoping they held up at least until I got to the restroom. When I walked inside, his cousin Nesha was washing her hands. She looked up and smiled. “Hi. Yendi, right?”
“Yes, ma’am. Hello. How are you?”
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Great. Thanks.”
I made my way inside a stall before she could continue into a conversation. I was curious as to why they were all here though. It was definitely for business reasons, because I didn’t think any of their kids were old enough to play varsity football. Jakari had told me that most of the boy cousins were either grown or barely in middle school. Most of the girls were in between.
When I made my way back to the gym, I saw a boy in a football jersey talking to the brother that was in a suit like the mayor. I could assume he was working with Mayor Henderson in some way. “Let’s go, Ace!” he yelled as the boy ran back to the huddle of football players.
I tried to find a seat as quickly as possible without drawing attention, but I wasn’t so lucky. The minute I sat and got situated, my eyes met Jakari’s. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I lowered my head then opened them, proceeding to pick at my nails the entire time to avoid ogling him. Someone sat next to me, claiming my attention.
When I saw Ashanni’s dad, my mouth went dry. “What’s up, Yendi?”
“Hello, Mr. Henderson. How are you?”
“I’m good. How about you?”
“I’m okay. Thanks.”
“You’re lying and so is his ass. Both of you are doing your best to avoid each other, and I can tell it’s killing the both of you.”
“I’m only trying to honor his wishes. He said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, and I kept trying to hang on to him. That wasn’t right. I made the situation worse by trying to force him to do something he didn’t want to do.”
He chuckled and that caused me to frown. “Let me tell you something about Jakari’s cocky, prideful ass. Nobody can force that nigga to do anything he didn’t already want to do. If he was still being around you, it was because he wanted to be.”
I glanced over at him as he stared at the football players. When he turned to me, he gave me a slight smile. “That nigga feel like shit about last night. He came to my house afterward to ascend to the clouds then told me about what happened. Don’t stop what you’re doing. Whether you realize it or not, you’re melting that ice he surrounded himself with years ago. He’s just struggling with how to handle feeling so vulnerable now that he’s losing the battle.”
“What battle?”
