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I looked up to see Jess and Brix approaching. I stood from the chair I had pulled to the hallway and shook Brix’s hand. “I wanted to holla at’chu about something.”
She frowned slightly as she hugged me. “Okay. You okay? You look bothered.”
Great.I supposed I could make it seem like I wanted to talk about me so Brix would leave. “Naw. I ain’t okay.”
Brix kissed her head and said, “I’ll let y’all talk. The mayor is outside, so I’m sure he’ll keep me entertained.”
Jess giggled then lifted her head and kissed his lips. “Okay, baby.”
Brix gave me a head nod then walked away as Jess opened the door to her room for the day. I walked in behind her and saw that it was fully stocked like she was a fucking star. I supposed she was. The family had really done this shit up to make her feel special, and I loved it. There was a vanity area with lights around the mirror and everything.
“This is beautiful!” Jess said as she sniffed the roses on her vanity.
“It really is. They did an amazing job in here.”
She turned to me with a slight frown on her face and extended a hand toward the couch. I went to it as she followed me, and we sat at the same time. “What’s going on, J?”
“I have plenty going on, but this ain’t about me. I said that so Brix would give us some alone time. Why are you giving Nate clearance to be where you are when you know how Brix feels about it?”
She lowered her head. “Because Brix is being insecure. He knows I love him. I chose him over Nate. That should stand for something.”
“Nate is trying to be respectful. You know that man loves you, Jess, and I feel like you have something for him too for you to keep allowing this. You tryna fuck up everything with Brix? He has a right to feel the way he does about Nate. Thanks to you, he knows y’all fucked… and that it was after y’all reconnected. If you wanted to remain friends with Nate, that was some shit that you should have kept to yourself.”
“That wouldn’t have changed anything. Nate can’t control his facial expressions. When he looks at me, I can see and feel the love he has for me. It wasn’t an easy decision. Nate is a great guy. I had to factor in situations though. I didn’t want to be with someone who was famous, although that’s the arena I’m trying to be in. Brix was way more familiar than Nate as well. I didn’t give Nate enough time to show me exactly who he was and what I would be dealing with if I were his.”
“So you made a decision without knowing what Nate would bring to the table. Are you regretting that?”
“No. I love Brixton. My soul just wants to hang on to Nate. You may feel like this is TMI, but the time I slept with Nate was so fucking passionate. I was vulnerable because Brix had hurt me, but being with Nate was something I’d wanted to experience before I gave in to Brix. It was selfish, and it was something I shouldn’t have done. Nate is a great person from what I know about him, but every time I see him or he messages me, my sensitivity comes out because I know I hurt him that night.”
“Jess, he knows your position. You can’t keep doing this dance. You can’t hurt him any more than you already have. This shit is getting dangerous. He won’t move on if you keep letting him in, baby. I know the shit will hurt, but you can’t keep hanging on to him. Brix will notice and that will cause problems for you.”
“I know. You’re right. He’s coming today though. It will be the last time I give him permission to be where I am.” She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. “He took care of my soul when I needed it most. It’s hard to let him go, but I know I have to. I’ll never forget how he made me feel though. Hopefully, my memories with Brix will start to overpower that one. It makes it hard that at the time, Brix was the one who had hurt me. I was tired of being hurt by men I loved. The shit with Decklan was still somewhat fresh too.”
“I get it. But you’ll get through it, because you are Jessica muthafucking Monroe.”
She giggled. “You got damn right. Now what’s up with you?”
“I saw Avery last night. When I saw him, I lost it and left Yendi at the Toyota Center.”
Her eyebrows lifted as I continued. “I called Uncle Jasper to go get her. She’s been calling and she left a lot of messages, but this text message hurts. I don’t want her settling for a broken man. A man that can’t give her what she needs. I don’t want to keep hurting her. We’ve only been together a week.”
“Let me see the text.”
I took a deep breath and pulled my phone from my pocket and opened it up. I read it all over again as I felt the lump form in my throat.
Baby, I’m not angry. Please call or text me and let me know you’re okay. Please… I love you, and I’m worried about you. I didn’t hang around to even talk to your dad and that woman. If you have an issue with them, then so do I. I’m here for you. Please don’t shut me out, baby.
I handed the phone to Jess and as she read it, the tears fell from her eyes. “Wow, J. She loves you.”
“Yeah. I love her too.”
“Then get help and be with her. It seems like you need her. She clearly needs you. Stop denying yourself happiness.”
“I talk to Serita Monday. I’m trying to get on track. What bothered me the most is that I chose to focus on my hatred for him than my love for her. I’m no good for her right now, but she won’t let go. I need her to let me go.”
“No, you don’t. You need to be vulnerable with her. Let her be there for you if she wants to be. If she still wants you through everything that has happened, who are you to tell her she shouldn’t? I’m glad you’re going to talk to Serita. I really pray she can help you get your mental to match your heart. You have a beautiful heart, J. It deserves to receive the love Yendi is offering.”
I nodded then stood from the couch. I couldn’t have this conversation with her. Talking about it always put me in shut down mode. “Well, I can’t wait to see the video tonight. Think about what I said.”
