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She nodded and smiled. “Well, how are you doing?”
“Mama, why are you here?”
I was sick of the run around. I wasn’t about to have casual conversation with her like nothing had happened. That was what she was used to. We’d bust her in her lies, and she’d never apologize or admit, for that matter, that there was ever a problem. We’d eventually get over it and move on. That wasn’t going to happen this time. That was my daddy that she’d treated like shit for his last two months here.
“Yendi, we need to move past this. It was time for your dad to go, but I’m still here. I love you, and I want us to have a relationship.”
“Before I left, I said that unless you were calling to, number one, apologize for the role you played in our severed relationship, number two, admit you have a lying problem, and number three, get help for said problem, we would have nothing to talk about. Are you here for that?”
“Yendi, your father wouldn’t want things in disarray like this.”
“You don’t get to tell me whatmydaddy would want. He wanted his wife of forty-five years to be there for him. Instead, you were leaving him hungry all day, knowing he couldn’t walk. When youdidget home, you would barely talk to him. Then when you talked, you would pick arguments with him! You told him to get out and go live with one of his kids a week before he died!”
“That’s not true! I would never tell your dad those things. I was there for your daddy!”
“You forgot I was there? I was there every damn day, bringing him food! Me and Janay! I would bring breakfast and snacks and she would bring dinner. So exactly what were you doing?”
“I brought him lunch on my breaks from work. I had to work.”
“Whatever. You’re doing just what you came here to do… get me all worked up, arguing with you. You are obviously miserable and lonely if you hopped a flight here just to argue with me. You made a blank trip, because I refuse to argue with your pathetic ass. My daddy died in an emotional turmoil because ofyou!He wanted to die because he didn’t want to live withoutyou! If you were so unhappy with y’all’s relationship, you should have left a long time ago. You waited until he was sick and couldn’t fend for himself to fuck with him. You got your revenge. Are you happy with yourself? You wanted him to die!”
I was crying so hard. Looking at her was disgusting me. I felt like either I was going to kill her, or I was gonna throw up. My emotions were going haywire, and I couldn’t make them stop. “How could you think I wanted your dad to die? That hurts!”
“No! What hurts is that I think you killed him. Yeah, that’s right. I think you killed my daddy. Whether it was physically or not, I don’t know. You said you were getting him up to go sit in his chair the day he died. If you did, then you killed him. Every time he moved, trying to get up, his blood pressure would drop. If I knew that, then so did you. You picked with him until his blood pressure dropped, and you watched him die. Then you called the ambulance. Is that what happened?”
“No! Your dad was trying to get up. He wanted to take a bath and sit in his recliner!”
“If he did, it’s because of you! He knew what would happen if he tried to get out of that bed! I’m not stupid by far! I peep shit! You wanna know what I peeped? You must wanna know since you flew all the way here for this. You are a lying sack of shit! You are my mother, and I’m grateful for all the things you taught me and the things you did for me. But what I realized was that none of that was for your love for me. It was all for your benefit.”
I slowly shook my head as the painful truth spewed from my lips. “When I did good things or if I looked good, it was a reflection on you. It brought attention back to you, because you’re my mom. You taught me everything I know. You’d tell people my love of reading came from you and that was why I wanted to be a librarian. Youneverread to me when I was growing up. You were always at work. So how exactly did I get my love of reading from you?”
She had the nerve to put her hand to her chest like I’d hurt her pitiful feelings. I kept going regardless. “Daddy’s illnesses brought way too much attention to him and no attention to you. Everyone wanted to check on him so you kept his phone from him so he couldn’t communicate with anyone. Then you told people that he didn’t need a lot of visitors because he needed to rest, knowing how good it made him feel, knowing that people cared about him. You are a sick, evil, and cold bitch. You did all of that shit to him to benefit you. I will never forgive you for that. Period.”
“You have to let the anger go, Yendi.”
“What I have to do is get you the fuck out of my house before I kill you in here. Get out!”
She sat there staring at me like I she thought I was playing. I stood from my seat and started fucking counting. “Five, four, three, two, one…”
I crossed the room and yanked her up from my couch, causing her to fall to the floor. “Yendi! Oh my God!”
“I said get out of my house! I’m not playing with you. If I have to call the cops I will.”
“I’m sorry if you feel that I had something to do with your daddy’s death. I hate you feel that way.”
I slowly shook my head and let out a chuckle. That let me know that I was teetering on the outskirts of insanity. I felt like I was about to snap, and she would bemyvictim after this. My siblings and I had been victims of mental and emotional abuse for years and didn’t even realize it.
“That is not a fucking apology. An apology is accepting and admitting your fault in the situation. Get the fuck out, and this is the last time I’m gonna tell you. Next time, I’m gonna call the cops, and I’m gon’ fuck you up in here. It’s sad that you have gotten me to the point where I’m willing to hurt you. My respect for you is nonexistent. Anyone who believes your lies needs to reevaluate themselves. You tell all that shit to people who are easily manipulated, like Terrence and his mother. You can’t manipulate me.”
She stood from the floor, acting like she was hurting. Even if she was, I didn’t give a fuck. She could limp her ass right out of here. After going to the couch and grabbing her purse, she made her way to the door as I followed her. When she got to it, she turned to me and smiled. That shit looked so evil. It was like the devil had fully embodied her. Just to think… she was once a minister. Let her tell it, she still was.
The last time I heard her preach was a total mess. It had no anointing. God was nowhere in the midst. She was stumbling all over her words, and she only “preached” for ten minutes. It was more like she was talking.
“Yendi, I wish you well, my darling. Despite how you feel about me, I still love you. You’re my middle girl, and you will always be in my heart.”
I rolled my eyes as the tears fell from them then opened the door for her to limp her ass out. She wasn’t moving fast enough, so I gave her a gentle but firm push right out of the door. I slammed it shut, locked it, then leaned back against it for a moment. I turned and checked the peephole to see my cousin sitting in the car waiting for her.Another stupid bitch.I fell out with her years ago because of her jealousy.
I went to my room and got in bed. Before I realized it, I was screaming. “Daddy! Why did you leave me like this? Daddyyyy! I need you!”
