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“A’ight. Good luck, man.”
“Thanks. I’ma need it.”
He chuckled as he ended the call. I was almost to Yendi’s place, and my stomach was churning. I was nervous. I just hoped she would answer the door. After I turned in the lot and saw her car, I breathed out a sigh of relief. I was worried that she wouldn’t be home. This woman completed me, and I needed her to know that. I would never get to being one hundred percent good without her. Her presence in my life made me better. It made me want to be better for her.
I got out of the truck and climbed the steps to her unit, feeling the tremble go through my legs. I’d never been this nervous about anything. I took a deep breath when I got to the landing and stood in front of her door. As I was about to knock, I heard the locks disengaging. I didn’t know if she’d seen me or if she was about to leave. Since she wasn’t taking my calls, she was probably leaving to go somewhere.
When the door opened, she jumped and nearly stumbled backwards at the sight of me. I put my hands at her waist to steady her. She looked into my eyes then pulled away. “Jakari, what are you doing here?”
“I was coming to see about you, Yendi. You haven’t been taking my calls.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to leave you alone and move on with my life? That’s what I’m trying to do. Why are you here, hindering my progress? I can’t see and talk to you if you want me to move on.”
“Can we talk, baby?” I asked as I grabbed her hand.
She swallowed hard as her hand trembled in mine. Gently pulling me inside, she closed the door, then set her purse on the countertop. We went to her couch and sat, her hand still in mine. I immediately tried to explain and be totally transparent with her as Serita had suggested at our last counseling session.
“I miss you, Yendi. I was a fool to push you away. I’ve been going to counseling. I’ve had four sessions so far, and they are helping me tremendously. I’ve even had a conversation with my father. So much has changed in the past month, but one thing I realized was that no matter how much help I got, no matter how much better I got mentally, I still need you. I love you, girl. I know I fucked up royally, but I need you to take me back.”
She frowned slightly. “Take you back?”
“Yes. I need you, Yendi, and I know you need me.”
“So in a month’s time, you’re saying you’re able to handle a relationship?”
“I’m saying that after four successful counseling sessions, I’m ready to try again. I will still be going to talk to her weekly for the next two months. I don’t want to be a fool and lose you. You’re the only thing missing in my life. Tell me I’m missing in yours too.”
She pulled her hand away from mine and lowered her head, allowing tears to escape her. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but I refused to leave from here without giving my all to get her back.
CHAPTER20
YENDI
Iwas sitting on my couch, doing my best to hold in my feelings, but I was failing miserably. The tears were streaming down my cheeks. While this was what I wanted, I didn’t know if I could trust Jakari with my heart again. This was so hard. Lifting my head, I stared into his hopeful eyes. “Jakari, I don’t know. I don’t know if I can take that risk again. The past month has been so hard for me.”
“I’m so sorry, baby. I hate what I did to you.”
“You don’t understand,” I said as I wiped my face dry. “I’m moving. My mother showed up here and as long as she knows where I live, I won’t have peace. I was two seconds from beating the fuck out of her.” I took a deep breath then stared up at him. “As much as I love you, I can’t take you back.”
He gently caressed my hand between his and lowered his gaze to them as he asked, “Why?”
“Unfortunately, I don’t know if I can trust you with my heart again. I didn’t just lose you. I lost a family. Uncle Jasper, Uncle Mayor, your mother, the girls… I didn’t feel comfortable maintaining a relationship with them without having one with you. I told you to handle me gently, Jakari. That shit wasn’t gentle. I crashed and burned. My mama showing up at my door sank me even further.”
The tears started all over again, but the cries leaving my lips were ones of gut-wrenching pain. “I needed you! I needed your arms to fall into. I needed you to tell me that everything would be okay. I needed you!”
Jakari quickly pulled me to him and kissed my head. “You have me now, baby.”
I fought against him, but he refused to let me go. “Jakari!”
“No. I can’t let go. Let me prove to you that I can do this. You don’t have to make a commitment to me, Yendi. Just let me come around. Answer when I call. Let me date you. I know I can prove to you how much progress I’ve made. Please, Yendi. I’m begging you, baby.”
I stopped fighting and relaxed in his embrace and how good it felt to be in his arms. “I’m moving to Pearland. I went looked at an apartment Monday and put down a deposit. When the semester is over, I’m moving.”
“Let me work hard to change your mind, baby. I’ll never hang you out to dry like that again. You right. I didn’t handle you gently. I fucked up. I can’t say that enough. I thought keeping you around would be selfish. I couldn’t see past that. Now I see that what Ididwas completely selfish. Leaving you alone when you’d given me your heart was cruel. I fucked your soul up. I fucked my own soul up, rejecting the one person that I want to be better for.”
I lifted my head and stared into his eyes as he wiped my tears away with his thumb. I closed my eyes briefly. I still loved him. Did I want to take a chance on him again? I reopened them and said, “I don’t know if you read my text message, but I wasn’t angry about you leaving me. Even in your moment of turmoil, embarrassment, and anger, you made sure I got home. That was love, Jakari. I don’t know if I would say safely since Uncle Jasper was high as hell.”
He smiled slightly. “I read your message repeatedly. I let my therapist and Jessica read it too. For the record, they both thought I was a fool for distancing myself from you. I didn’t know Unc was high… wait a minute. I’m lying. Unc is high more often than not. He’s probably a safer driver when he’s high.”
