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I nodded repeatedly, accepting where our relationship was headed, and pulled my car remote from my pocket. Giving her one last look of disgust and disappointment, I turned and headed to the door. When I got to it, I realized what was happening. She was forcing me out of her life, for whatever reason, since I didn’t come here to tell her I was done with her. I just didn’t know why. Jessica Monroe was wrong. This talk and me trying to understand her didn’t help.
Until Sheila was ready to move past whatever was hindering her, we would be stuck in this rut. I’d done what I thought I needed to do for me. Unfortunately, my mama had done the same, and I had to live with that.
CHAPTER 1
NATE
THREE MONTHS LATER…
You still can’t be in her presence without approaching her, huh?
I glanced at Jakari’s text message as I chilled out on the couch at home. Noah was on tour and had made his way back to Houston. Although it was the end of March and the season was still in full swing, my next game was a home game. I turned down his invitation because I knew Jess would be there. I felt like a fucking punk about it too.
I can be in her presence without approaching her. I can’t be in her presence without getting sick from all those curves I should be gracing in front of her man. How is she?
I rolled my eyes and threw my phone to the coffee table in front of me. I knew how she was doing. While I hadn’t reached out since her message about letting go, I followed her on Instagram. She’d posted her maternity pictures a couple of days ago, and she looked like she was ready to drop that baby any minute. Unfortunately, I felt like I was clinging to Jessica, not only because I loved her and we had an intense connection, but because I felt like I was missing something.
Ever since that last discussion with my mom right after Christmas, things had been different in my life. She told me I owed her an apology. Well, the way my personality was set up, I was honest to a fault. I wasn’t going to apologize if I hadn’t done shit. I wasn’t going to be the bigger person for her. She was gonna have to see that I wasn’t folding on that subject. While I had gotten past the fact that she kept me from him, I wasn’t past her response from three months ago.
My phone chimed, and I was sure it was a message from Jakari, but then it rang. I grabbed it to see a FaceTime call from TAZ. I couldn’t answer. I knew she wanted me to feel a part of the moment without being a part of the moment. If I wasn’t there in person, I didn’t want to see what I was missing out on. If I would have had a game or a prior engagement, that would have been different.
Clicking on the text from Jakari, I read,She’s cool. Her due date is in like two weeks. She probably shouldn’t even be here, but you know nobody can tell Jessica shit. LOL
Boy, did I know it. I swore she was my one when I met her a little over a year ago. Now that I’d introduced her to Noah, I couldn’t even fucking function in my element without possibly running into her. Lennox was one of my best friends that I couldn’t drop in and see freely, and because of my involvement with her, my presence was frowned upon, like I didn’t know Lennox first. It left me on the outside of things.
She said Brixton was somewhat insecure because he could see how much I loved her, but I wanted to believe that he could see how much she felt for me as well. That was the shit that really had him tight. I couldn’t understand how she even chose him over me after what we shared. I supposed that shit wasn’t as strong for her as it was for me. Maybe what she gave me was a sympathy fuck.
Whatever it was, it had me fiending. I didn’t like that feeling. If she were mine, it would be different. I would be her sucker all damn day. To be a sucker for a woman that wasn’t mine was frustrating. I’d gone out on a date with a woman I met that was working for Golden State, but I didn’t feel shit spark. She was a nice woman, but it felt like a waste of three hours for me.
I didn’t too much care for hanging with my teammates, because most of them were younger than me and on bullshit. I had always been an old soul. Noah and I had that in common. I wasn’t with the party scene or fucking around. I bonded with my older teammates, but most of them had families or had retired. This was a different situation I found myself in. I was a loner.
Although I was an only child, I was never a true loner. I usually had family to hang around or close friends. My mama wasn’t speaking to me, and all my closest friends were close to her. I didn’t know what to do with my fucking self. Instead of sitting here moping, I decided to go ahead and get ready to head back to Dallas.I should be at that fucking concert.
At least if I left now, I wouldn’t have to drive on game day. It was a three-and-a-half-hour drive, and I could be at my Dallas home before midnight. After grabbing a couple of bottles of alkaline water, I went to my Range. It was rare I stayed at the house in Dallas when I didn’t have a game there, because I didn’t have anyone close to me there, but it seemed I was getting the same vibes in H-Town.
Once I was in the driver’s seat, I pulled up my thread with Jakari and replied.Glad she’s well. I’m about to head to Dallas tonight. Holla later.
Jakari was Jess’s cousin and the only one that pretty much stayed cool with me. I talked to him more than I talked to Lennox these days. I understood he was busy with their new baby, though; not to mention, he was a newlywed. I still needed someone to know I was on the move. I always liked for someone to know my whereabouts. I supposed it was old school of me.
My mama and grandparents always wanted to know where I was, just in case they needed to get to me. That practice had become habit and stayed with me. Before I could back out the driveway, he messaged back.Be careful. I’ll holla when I can.
He had a baby on the way as well and was entertaining a new relationship. Everyone close to me seemed to be progressing in life, and my issues and mental state had mine at a fucking standstill. While Jess was important to me, I knew it was this situation with my mama that had me depressed.
In three months, I hadn’t had a decent conversation with her. We only talked when I called her or when I texted her. I never realized just how stubborn she was until now. I talked to my grandparents, and they agreed that I owed her an apology because it was something she’d already addressed, regardless that she gave me two different explanations. She was my mother and did what was right by me. So, needless to say, my stance on this situation had alienated me from everyone.
As I drove, my phone chimed, but I knew it was a message on Instagram. I got those quite often. I wasn’t in a hurry to check it. People tagged me in shit all the time. Usually, it was rumors about me or someone I was connected to. I couldn’t understand why people were so interested in celebrities’ personal lives. I never got off into that. I admired basketball players and was a true fan of quite a few of them, but I didn’t know much about their personal lives. Frankly, I didn’t care.
My curiosity got the best of me after a few miles, probably because I didn’t have shit else to do, and I saw a direct message from ‘the country hood princess’. I felt hot all of a sudden. Why in the fuck was she messaging me? She said we shouldn’t speak anymore. Jess was fucking with me, and I couldn’t hang around for that shit. I was geared up to tell her a piece of my mind in that message until I saw what she had to say.
I’m so sorry. I overheard TAZ say that you were invited to the concert. I know why you aren’t here. I’ll do my best to be more considerate of you since we share the same people now. Noah is like your brother, and you introduced me to him. I should have fallen back on this one. I hope you are well.
I set my phone back in the compartment under the radio without responding. If I said anything to her, I wouldn’t be able to stop talking to her. Her aura made me a weak ass nigga, and I’d be damned. I grabbed my phone again and felt the pain in my chest as I blocked her profile. This whole thing was toxic.
She considered me a friend, but I considered her as everything but that. She said she would stop reaching out, so now I had to make sure she couldn’t. I respected her decisions, so I had to make sure she started respecting her decisions too.
“Damn,I wish you could have been at the concert. I perform in Miami next week. Can you make that one?”
“Most likely. We play Miami next Saturday.”
