AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A confused frown made its way to my brow, but I didn’t say a word. I knew she would reveal the answers to all my silent questions. “David and I had reconnected when he came home to visit. I saw him at a benefit for muscular dystrophy that one of our classmates was spearheading. We exchanged numbers and promised to catch up. We did. We talked on the phone often. I knew all about his relationship with Raquel and how they didn’t work out because of his philandering ways. He’d allowed the limelight to consume him.”
I remembered Noah talking about how he was eight or so when his mom and David broke up the first time. My mom fidgeted as she struggled to continue. The truth had been plaguing her. I could tell that much with how difficult this was for her. Revealing her flaws, especially to me, probably made her feel like I would think less of her. She was so uncomfortable.
“We maintained contact by phone, and whenever he came home to visit, we’d go out. Well, by his second or third visit, we crossed into uncharted territory. While I thought things were progressing to something special between us, neither of us had made a commitment to the other. While he was gone, I went out on a date with someone else. James was a stranger to me, but he was also a ball player. He played for Houston. We had sex, and within a month of that, David confronted me about it.”
Oh shit.She’d hurt him. However, if what she was telling me was true, she didn’t need to be embarrassed about that. If they hadn’t established boundaries and desires, then she wasn’t a mind reader.
“He told me that he’d planned to make me his when he came back to town. He said I’d given him hope that there was a woman that he could feel as deeply for as he felt for Raquel, Noah’s mom, but I’d proved him wrong. That I’d used him. He thought I felt as strongly for him as he did for me. I argued that I felt like he didn’t want a future with me and threw his reputation in his face, and that only hardened his heart more.”
She swiped the tear from her cheek. “Truth was, I wasn’t built for the distance. I felt like he was falling for me. Although he never said so until that moment, I felt it in every phone conversation. We reconnected at a time when he was vulnerable and wanting a love like the one he’d lost years before. I hurt him. Turned out, James had went running his mouth because he didn’t like David, telling him that he’d fucked his woman. David waited a couple of weeks before even saying something to me about it. I knew it was because he didn’t want to disrespect me.”
I closed my eyes and slid my arm around her.Damn.“I’m sorry, Ma. That had to be tough.”
“It was, but it was my own fault for not being honest with David. I could feel where we were heading. I should have put a stop to it. Three weeks after that, I found out I was pregnant. In my heart, I felt like you were David’s, but I didn’t want him to think I was trying to trap him. Plus, I knew he would blast my business about me fucking with James and insisting we got a DNA test, so I didn’t say anything to either of them.”
I kissed her head as the tears rained down her cheeks. This shit had been torturing her for years. I could understand why she didn’t tell me this story when she first told me David was my father. I wasn’t mature enough to handle the truth. I was only fifteen. “Mama, it’s okay. I totally understand. I wish you would have told me years ago so we didn’t have to go through that painful argument. I could never think less of you because of that.”
“When David died, it killed me inside. However, I knew that you needed access to what was rightfully yours. Plus, taking care of you was putting my parents in the poor house. All the AAU basketball teams, camps, and travel was killing them. I made enough money to pay the bills and provide your basic needs, but the older you got, the more that started changing. Your shoes alone were enough to break me. David’s dad tried to give me a hard time about it and had demanded the blood test. I understood that though. After the truth came out, he was pissed. He wanted to meet you, but after the way he cursed me for filth, I didn’t feel comfortable with that.”
“Noah said he would take me to meet him after his tour ends. I could have met him in Houston at the concert, but I didn’t go, because Jess and her fiancé were there.”
She lifted her head and frowned slightly. “Was that your decision?”
“Yeah. I can’t control my eyes when I’m around her. I don’t need that kind of trouble in my life. I’m doing my best to get over her. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m making progress. She made her decision, and I need to be good with that.”
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“Naw, it’s okay. I took a shot, and they don’t always fall in the hoop. Sometimes, they’re bricks. You still learn from them though. I should have moved quicker, letting her know how I felt about her. I played around for at least three months, trying to decide if she was truly the woman I wanted. In that time, another nigga came along. Being that he was in her hometown and she was already acquainted with him, that left Nate the odd man out. They were best friends in school. So I supposed he was the man meant for her.”
“Maybe, maybe not.”
“She’s engaged and pregnant. So I’m going to assume he is. Jess is very headstrong. Does she care for me? Absolutely. But she loves him. I have to move on. That shit ain’t healthy.”
“You’re right. The woman that’s meant for you is out there somewhere, baby. Just don’t give up on love.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Mama, I haven’t seen you dating anyone… ever.”
“I went on dates when you stayed with your grandparents for the weekend. Nothing just ever came out of it. Unfortunately, I truly believe David was my one, and I messed everything up. When you were two, I thought about reaching out to him, but he’d married Raquel. Even after they divorced, I still knew how much he loved her. I’d hurt him beyond repair. Telling him he had a son that was nearly five years old by then would only hurt him more. Don’t be like me. I’ve given up on love since David died. Something inside of me died when he did. I never got to tell him how I truly felt about him, because I didn’t realize how I felt until I no longer had him.”
I pulled her close to me again and realized just how much we had in common with Noah and Raquel. It was crazy, and maybe that was what had attracted David to my mom. She reminded him of his Quel. Noah and I were definitely kindred spirits. He was more spiritual than I was, but we shared a lot of the same qualities. “Thank you for telling me the truth about what happened. We need to make a promise to each other, Ma.”
She sat up and stared into my eyes, waiting for what I would say. “We need to promise to start living life to the fullest. You’re a beautiful woman, so I know niggas checking for you. I’m going to start dating and going out again. When God made Jess, he didn’t stop making beautiful women, nor was she the first. My one is out there somewhere, and I ain’t gon’ find her by pining after Jess. We gotta do this for ourselves. Your one is out there too. David wasn’t your only option.”
She gave me a tight smile then nodded. “You’re right. Deal,” she said, extending her hand to me.
I chuckled then shook it. “You better not renege.”
“You either, re-nigger.”
I fell out laughing as I thought about our favorite movie,Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins.I nodded repeatedly. “I won’t. Now, let’s go enjoy this party and celebrate our new beginning.”
CHAPTER 2
KENYA
