AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Watch your mouth, young lady,” I warned, and she kept quiet.
“Sure, I know I was not the best father, but I wasn’t the worst either. I was hurting. I didn't purposefully try to destroy your childhood or anything like that. You still had a pretty good childhood compared to others when it came to what you got that others wanted. The kid that had it.” She shook her head in disbelief. “I'm not using that to excuse my mistakes, but I have apologized repeatedly! I have tried to reach out to you… for years now! It just feels like you're so intent on punishing me.”
“You think you don't deserve it?
I sat there, staring at her with shock. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You want me to die? I am always worried about you because of your condition. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. Are you just angry?! Always?! You're not going to grow up?! You wish to keep hating everyone forever?!”
She didn’t say a word, but her facial reaction had that same blasé attitude. She also looked very sad, and I wanted to make her happy, but it was so goddamn difficult!
“Do you think this is what your mother would have wanted for you?”
“What did you just say?” It seemed to have struck a chord with her and it made me question if I should have said that. What I said was the truth, but I didn't think she wanted to hear that now. “You want to talk to me about what Mom would have wanted? Would she have wanted you to ignore me for over 10 years and start trying later? The first ten years of my entire life? Oh, you just remembered you had a daughter one day, suddenly?”
I sighed.
“I don't know what you want from me. I don't, Maddy. I… am… sorry. How many times do you want me to say it?”
“I just… I want to be left alone! By you! My me! By everyone!” She exploded, flailing her hands in a violent but seemingly cathartic fashion. For the first time in a while, I saw my daughter express unbridled emotion. She gnashed her teeth while grunting from the depths of her… and what came out was despair. A cry from a girl too young to go through what she should have gone through. “I’m tired, Dad. Maybe…” She stopped, instantly running back into that shell that she felt she needed to keep her from expressing herself. No way. Not after all these years I waited.
“Say it, Maddy.” I didn’t shout or speak with authority. I simply told her to say what she wanted. I leaned in and stared at her. My face relaxed as I knew she wished to share something. Maddy’s eyes remained glued to me with intermittent glances at other places.
“Maybe… everything would be better if I just… went away.” My heart tied like a knot, and it took everything in me not to shout or lose it over the fact that my daughter contemplated what sounded like suicide.
“What do you mean by went away?” I asked, not leaving my calm disposition at this moment. She wore a surprised expression, her palms stuck to the edge of the table as if ready to run away. I leaned back now, giving her some space between us in case she felt clogged up.
“I… Dad, I’m exhausted,” she said, rubbing her palm on her head. At this point, I didn’t know if I could handle the rest of the conversation if it had gone the route I thought it was going.
“Okay.”
Maddy crumpled her forehead, a perplexed look on her face. “So, can I go to my room?” Fear filled me. What if I let her go now and something bad happened?
“Can you just stay here for a short while? I promise I won’t say another word.”
“That’ll be awkward.”
“Just do it, please?”
Maddy breathed out with force, nodding and resting on her chair. She continued to eat her food in silence while I told the maids to bring me mine. We ate in silence, neither one speaking to the other after the bombastic disagreement we just had.
By far, the most depressing conversation I’d had in my life.
Maryam Carey’s POV
I leave for one day and come back, everything goes to shit. This served as the primary thought in my mind as I carefully watched Ronald worrying in silence after welcoming me back from work. I’d been trying to explain to him what we did today as part of our work to finish the debut album, which I titled ‘Beginnings’ but his mind seemed to be elsewhere. Two maids had already given me the gist about a shouting contest between him and Maddy, but I wanted him to tell me by himself.
“Are you listening to me, Ron?” I inquired, and he shook. His mind seemed to be in another place.
“Sorry.”
“What’s the problem? You’ve not acted like yourself since I came back from work. Usually, you’re pretty interested in knowing what’s been going on, but now, you seem very unbothered by that and worried about something else.”
He ran his hands through his hair, breathing in and out slowly. “It’s Maddy.” He saw that I didn’t show any surprise. “You’re not even surprised.”
“Well, beyond work, only her could make you this stressed, from my experience.” A slight grin crept from his mouth. “So, what happened?”
“I’ve always considered myself a failure as a father, but for the first time today, it hit me how much of a failure I had become.” Woah. He was a downer, sure, but this took it to another level. My concern deepened but I continued to listen with attention. “Maddy and I talked today. Well, more so a fight. It got bad and during this… she might have alluded to thinking about offing herself.”
My eyes widened, but I still didn’t say a word. Shock enveloped me, and then the sadness followed. I shut my eyes with all my power to stop myself from crying.
