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I watch her back as she leaves. I honestly can’t blame her.
I wonder about the emotions she had to battle with as soon as she got home, probably bawling her eyes out.
“I’ve fucked up,” I whisper to myself, covering my face with both hands.
She will probably never forgive me, but how do I get past this and get rid of my guilt if I have to see her every day at work?
How does she plan to keep working with me when we both know something has happened between us?
I recognize that what I need right now is time and patience, but I don't know if I have either when it comes to Carissa.
I don't want to, but I know I need to give her the space to heal instead of serenading her right now.
Hopefully, she will come around after some time, and then I can properly render my apology. Perhaps she will listen to me with an open mind then.
For the rest of the day, I can tell she’s purposefully avoiding me, and even if it hurts, I let her be.
Chapter twenty-five
CARISSA
In the days that follow the revelation of Jayden’s true intentions toward me, I have found myself in a state of emotional turmoil.
The hurt runs deep, and I struggle to reconcile my feelings with my professional responsibilities. I try not to let it show at work, but it is not easy for me.
As I go about my daily tasks, I do my best to be professional, but there is a noticeable shift in my interactions. Even Jesse, Lydia, and Claire haven’t been left out, as they are all affected by my emotional trauma.
What makes it even worse is the fact that I can’t confide in them. How can I tell them that it’s the boss who is responsible for this?
I can't help but avoid Jayden whenever possible. Meetings in his office that had once been a regular part of our workday have been kept to a minimum, and eye contact is now fleeting.
I bury myself in my work, channeling all my emotions into my tasks and leaving as soon as the day is over.
Despite my efforts to keep away from him, the distance between Jayden and me is palpable. Our exchanges, once filled with ease, have now become strained and formal. The office has become a place of emotional tension between us, and nobody else knows about it but us.
My withdrawal from Jayden is simply a way to protect myself from the vulnerability and hurt I have been exposed to.
I’m uncertain about how to navigate the complexity of our work relationship, and the pain is a barrier I have yet to find the strength to breach.
If anything, I’m certain that I don't want Jayden anywhere close to me aside from at the office.
It baffles me that you can tell someone how you have been hurt in the past and they just come up with more creative ways to hurt you even more. I regret opening up to him like that.
I should have known better. No good can come out of a relationship with a chronic womanizer, especially one who throws money around to get what he wants.
All the gifts were just his way of luring me into his bed. I hate to think that it worked.
And I can’t believe that he dared say he had feelings for me. I keep thinking about it, and I can't help but wonder if that was just one of his many lies.
I hate him for doing this to me.
The only time I felt something similar to this was when I got dumped at the altar. And here I am again, with double the pain as the memories come alive.
They feel fresh, as if it was just yesterday that I stood out there in my dream wedding dress and ended up unmarried.
As I walk through the office door, I notice Jayden is already at his desk, engrossed in a phone call. It’s the perfect opportunity for me to slip into my desk without the need for any interaction.
I try to keep my movement discreet, moving with a sense of purpose.
