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I make my way down the steps slowly, careful of the ice that’s still on every street until the afternoon sun melts it. It feels like this winter will never end.
“You’re going to hate this,” Lewis says.
I rock to a stop on my heels. “Then… don’t say it?”
He and Jessi smile. I see the kids in the back of the van.
“We need two cars,” Jessi says. “We were hoping you wouldn’t mind if we took yours?”
“Oh.” I relax. “That’s fine.” I dig my keys out of my purse and hold them out.
Lewis raises his brow. “Oh, you’re too good to drive?”
“I—”
“We thought you and David could drive up separately?”
David’s eyes are on the sidewalk. I remember that he doesn’t drive and wonder if he’s embarrassed.
I don’t want to draw attention to him. But I also really,reallycan’t be in the car with him for the hours it will take to get to the cabin. I can’t—I just can’t.
“Oh, I have an idea.” I make eye contact with Benji through the window, and he cocks his head. He reaches over Angie and rolls it down a bit. “Why don’t Jessi and David drive together? So the kids can have a little reunion?”
Lewis’ eyes widen, but it’s too late. Benji and Angie are already cheering, begging their parents to say yes, and I know from the look David shoots me that I’ve won.
“Here,” I say, tossing Lewis my keys. He catches them, seemingly out of instinct. “You drive.”
I wave to the kids and give Jessi a quick side hug before I dart away to slide into the passenger seat of my car. When I close the door, I let out a huge breath. It feels like I can breathe again, even though I can’t, really.
I look at the three of them through my rearview mirror. While Jessi looks a bit confused, she doesn’t seem upset. Lewis looks the most put out, but I don’t care about that. Since hestillhasn’t told me about his proposal plans himself, I can’t actually be blamed for ruining the romantic vibes.
The kids are bouncing in their seats. It’s too far away for me to see their expressions, but I see their heads come up and down. I smile, and it hurts, too.
What a strange place I’ve found myself in. What is a step-aunt compared to a step-mother?
The thought shocks me.
I bury my face in my hands, just to make sure no one can see the horror I’m experiencing.
Marriage? I amnotthinking about marriage.
And I’m not?—
But I am thinking about how, in a different world, I could be. Not yet. Not in an alternate world where the timeline was the same. But…
David climbs in the passenger seat of the jeep. He looks at me through his windshield, though of course he can’t see me, just the car.
David is the kind of man that makes leaving feels like losing.
And maybe Alice is right, that this was always the outcome, that I am special, that it’s not my fault?—
But at the end of the day, it hurts all the same.
Lewis gets in the car and turns on the radio. Instinctively, I turn it down.
Music still hurts to hear.
CHAPTER 26
