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“Why not?”
“No one could,” I reply quickly, my heart beating fast. “You didn’t.”
Jessi’s eyes widen. Mine probably do, too.
For a moment, we just stare at one another. Her expression is a bit wounded, and I feel a surge of guilt.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to say that.”
“It wasn’t because of that,” she says softly.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” I try to give her a smile. “I mean it, I’m sorry.”
She nods small and quick. For a few moments, we sit in the silence—or the relative silence. Benji and Angie are playing a board game in the other room, and Lewis is doing his best to referee.
“She still out there?” I ask, biting the inside of my cheek.
She nods. “Needed to clear her head.”
“Jesus, it’s been a while,” I say. I look out the window but don’t see her.
“Well, she doesn’t know you’re being a martyr. She thinks you don’t care for her.”
The words come out a little harsh. I flinch.
Jessi sighs. “For what it’s worth, I think shedoeswant you. And I think you’re an idiot for letting her get away.”
I feel a small, tiny spark of hope. “She couldn’t.”
“She could,” Jessi shrugs. “Not everyone will disappoint you. Give her a chance.”
She squeezes my hand once, and then she heads for the living room. I can hear the kids immediately start pestering her with questions and Lewis’ loud sigh of relief.
I look out the window again. I still can’t see Laura.
I find my coat and hat, pushing my nerves away.I won’t tell her how I feel,I decide.I’ll just make sure she knows I wasn’t telling her I didn’t want her. That’s okay, right?
“Hello, David. Are you joining us in Mon-o-pole-lee?” Lewis pronounces the game with a strange voice, and the kids giggle. Lewis winks exaggeratedly at him.
I see a second bottle of champagne next to the couch. I snort. “You’re sauced,” I say.
Lewis smiles. “I’m an engaged man!”
Jessi kisses him on the mouth and the kids yellgross! I roll my eyes, but I’m still smiling as I head to the front door.
“Where’re you going, Dad?” Benji calls.
“I’m… going to find Laura.”
Jessi cheers. Angie, who couldn’t begin to know the reason, cheers with her. Benji and Lewis join in, seemingly for no reason, and I wave before stepping outside.
It’s still so cold here. Down in the city, it feels like springcouldbe coming—still cold, but not so much winter. Here, though, it’s like February hasn’t happened yet.
I don’t see Laura out here. My breath still puffs a little in the air.
I look around—and that’s when I see it. In the cold, dark winter landscape, a spark of red.
Laura’s hair, spilled out at the base of the lake, on a rock.
