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“Laura!” I cry, and I dive towards her. Her body is still—impossibly still, horrifying still—and fear like I’ve never known fills me, like water beneath the ice. Her forehead is bloody, and I swipe it away accidentally, seeing a small cut above her eyebrow.
“Laura, Laura, Laura,” I chant her name, begging her to hear me.
As soon as my hands touch her cold body, everything in me freezes. It’s like my life is tied to hers—like my lungs and my blood are tied to her. My breath is caught high in my throat, unable to move, choking me.
I love you.
The realization has been creeping up on me all day—all week, all month, really. It’s like it has been trapped in my chest, inside the vines of my tissue, and the frozen fear inside of me was the inertia the love needed to come out, hard and fast and interpretable.
I love Laura James, and I’ve realized it just in time to lose her forever.
After a beat—a heartbeat, maybe, if mine was still capable of beating—I spur into action. I drag her away from the water. She’s not wet, and that feels like a relief so tremendous that it makes me almost weak. If she isn’t wet, she didn’t fallintothe water like I originally feared.
I run my hands down her arms, across her forehead, and down her legs. She’s cold, cold, cold, cold?—
“Laura, sweetheart, wake up,” I cry. I wipe her hair out of her face, gently cradling her chin. “Laura, Laura…”
I don’t know what to do. I lay my ear on her chest. Her heart is beating, steady and clear. It makes my own pulse slow down a little in relief.
I press my fingers to her pulse point at her throat, just to be sure. It’s there. Strong.
“Just like you,” I murmur. “You’re so strong, Laura. You make me stronger. Better. Fuck. Fuck, Laura, wake up, okay, baby? I’m going to help you now, okay?”
I gather Laura in my arms, standing up and heading carefully back to the cabin. It takes me much, much longer than I’d hoped—I have to be slow because of the ice that is still around, the roots of the trees, the tree branches that are in the way. I hold her tightly to my chest.
The last time I carried a woman like this, it was Jessi over the threshold of our first home together, the night of our wedding. The irony of this all is not lost on me.
Laura’s head is on my shoulder. Her breath puffs warm against my throat. It calms me, the only thing keeping me from sprinting, ice and roots be damned.
“Lewis,” I call, my voice trembling. “Jessica!”
I’m getting closer to the cabin now. Laura is still out cold, and I still don’t know why. My arms shake, but I don’t feel as if she’s heavy. I don’t feel anything at all, except for the root of panic in my chest.
“Lewis! Jessica!”
I want them to come outside—I need someone to see her, to confirm she’s alive, to keep my kids away from seeing their—their—their friend like this. I need?—
“Lewis! Jessica! Lewis! Jessi?—”
“Alright, alright, I’m coming—oh, sweet Lord! Lewis, come quick!” Jessi has her hands to her face, her voice loud but muffled, and she staggers forward from the porch.
“What is—Benji, stay inside with your sister!” Lewis’ voice is sharp and snapped, and he races forward towards me. Although his voice is almost mean, I’m glad: neither Jessi or I managed to warn the kids.
“Lewis? Mom?” Benji’s voice comes closer, and I turn just in time. He lets out a curse, one that none of us scold him for. “Is Laura—is she?”
“She’s fine,”I say, cursing myself under my breath. I turn back. “She’s breathing. She just… she’s fainted, or she fell… she’s cold—I’m taking her to the hospital. I gotta—I gotta go?—”
Benji races away, and I head to the car. Jessi and Lewis are both talking to me, but I can’t hear them.
“David, we can take her inside?—”
“I’ll take her, she’s my sister?—”
“David—”
“David!”
I ignore them, gently placing her in the back seat. I cradle her head until the last second, and then reach in to buckle her. She doesn’t stir, and it’s been so long now—minutes, at least, maybe as many as ten, since she’s fallen or slipped or dropped or?—
