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“You were sleep walking last night. You threw fire from your hands. I just want to make sure you are okay. I think this is why you’re so tired all the time. I’m sorry I hadn’t noticed it before,” I informed her grimly, feeling as if I was failing as her mate.
“Sleepwalking?” she asked, opening her eyes and looking at me confused.
“You were talking to someone. You said you would kill them, then flowed from your hands and hit the wall,” I explained.
“I thought I was dreaming,” she whispered, her eyes opening wide.
“Tuli. Love, you need to let me in. I know something’s wrong. It hurts that you’ve shut me out of your emotions,” I said desperately, watching as she crinkled her adorable nose.
“I’m sorry, Markus. I didn’t know I did that. I don’t know how to do that,” she said and my eyebrows shot up at her words. Why didn't it occur to me that she might not have any control or knowledge over what she was doing? Hope sprung that she wasn’t keeping me out on purpose. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. How do I take it back?” she asked, caressing my face.
“I can help you,” I said gently. “I will try to push through your wall. Once you feel me pushing against it, you should be able to grab it and pull it down.” She nodded. I sat in front of her, our legs crossed, and I grabbed her hands in mine, soothing her knuckles with my thumbs to keep her relaxed.
“Ready?” I asked. Celeste nodded, and I slowly pushed at the barrier she had firmly in place. “Do you feel that?” I asked, but she shook her head. I pushed a little harder. She looked at me with a blank expression and still shook her head.
Atlas, a little help.
Atlas and I pushed together, and this time Celeste let out a soft gasp.
“You need to hold on to the feeling of the barrier and push it down,” I instructed, squeezing her hands encouragingly.
Atlas and I pushed again, and suddenly, I was drowning. I gasped as emotions rushed at me, overwhelming my heart and my senses. The sorrow for her parents, that we hadn’t found any pictures in her old home. Her anger that Alpha Geoff had taken everything from her; her pack, her history, her memories, her family. Despair that we still had nothing to connect the traffickers to Blood Moon. Fear that she would not be able to save the women she left behind. Guilt that she had escaped but hadn’t managed to save them. Frustration that her training wasn’t going as fast as she hoped. Her doubts that she was worthy of being luna, worthy of us. Sadness that she thought she was broken. I felt Celeste touching my face, wiping the tears streaming down my face. I could hear her calling my name, but I was in a hurricane of her emotions, and I couldn’t find my way out.
The Love. Find her love for you,I heard Kara push into my head.Find the love that we feel for you. It’s what keeps her fighting. What keeps her grounded. Follow it.
I can’t breathe, I cried out to her, trying and failing to control even the most basic function as I fought against the deluge of emotions. Altas pushed forward next to me, surrounding me with his strength and determination.
Together,he said.Mate needs us. We are strong enough.
I managed to take a breath, then felt for the pull of the bond in the storm of her emotions. I held onto it like a tether and followed it until I could focus solely on her love for me. It was like the eye of the storm; serene, beautiful and pure.
I opened my eyes to find Celeste looking at me with so much concern. I knew now what an idiot I was for doubting her. To think that I thought she didn’t feel the same. I grabbed her and held her close to me, tears falling down my face as I realized that everything I just felt, she was living with for so long by herself. I could hear Atlas howling in my head, angry that our mate was suffering. He hung onto the love we felt and vowed never to let anyone hurt her again. All I could do was hold her, hoping it eased some of her burdens the way she always did for me with her touch.
We stayed like that for goddess knows how long. Celeste’s breathing hitched occasionally, and I could feel the turmoil inside her. I tried my best to let my love flow through the bond, hoping my love and determination to keep her safe settled some of her turmoil. Eventually, she sighed, and I felt her relax, her grip on my shirt lessening.
‘Alpha, will you and Luna be coming?’Dr. West mind-linked me.
‘Yes, we will be down shortly,’I answered.
“Tuli, we need to go see Dr. West. We probably need to look into getting you some sleeping aids so you get some rest.”
“Okay,” she said, sweetly kissing my chest before leaving my arms. “Are we still heading to the picnic? I haven’t been on one in a long time.” Sheepishly wringing her hands, she glanced at me through her eyelashes. I could feel guilt coming from her.
“Why do you feel bad for asking?” I asked.
“I-I just didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I love you. I don’t want to see you so sad.”
“Come here.” I reached out for her, and she came to stand between my legs so I could hug her again, my face resting on her chest. I inhaled her wonderful scent. Each time I smelled it, I could swear it was sweeter than before. I looked up at her, and she smiled as she ran her hands through my hair. “I was feeling sad when I thought you were shutting me out. I thought maybe you didn’t love me as much as I loved you, and I'm so sorry for thinking that instead of talking to you about it. I can’t express how happy I am that you’re sharing yourself with me, Tuli. You haven't had an easy life, and you have been through so much suffering. It breaks my heart that I was not able to protect you from the hurt, but I don’t want you to hide it from me. Not the good, the bad, or the heartbreaking. Let me share that burden with you.” I saw tears form in her eyes and she bent down to kiss me.
“Thank you. You are more than I deserve.” Before I could object, she stood back and started toward the closet. “Let’s go to this appointment.”
They really fucked with mate’s head if she thinks she doesn’t deserve two dickheads like us, Atlas said, growling, and for once, I agreed.We will have to show her what she deserves. We will spoil her and make her round with our pups, and we will massage her feet and make sure everyone treats her like a queen for the rest of our lives.
Or die trying, I assured him.
Chapter eighteen
Celeste
