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“That’s fine,” Hannah replied with a smile, “It was a mutual decision.”
But the flashback began to play in her mind. Three years ago, Hannah had a pregnancy scare. It was at a time when both of them were in college and still did not even live together yet. The prospect had been terrifying then, for they were not in the right state of mind or have the financial means to take care of a baby.
So, their relief had been massive when they found out it was only a scare. But Nick had gone an extra step and decided to get a vasectomy done. They had argued about it – she had said that he is potentially closing all doors for them to ever conceive a child and he was replied that she did not want children either.
And while it was true back then, it still had felt very strange to just go on and cut the cord all together –for Hannah did not know what the future held for them. In the end, he had agreed that if they ever changed their minds, they would always adopt but the chance of that happening was bleak.
That was three years ago and now two weeks away from her wedding with the man who could never give her children, she sometimes found herself thinking about what it would be like. The prospect excited her a little but she wondered if it was because she actually wanted children or if now it had become a forbidden fruit type scenario for her and so she wanted it.
But whatever the urge was, she found herself buying little baby shoes and baby clothes and hiding them away in the loose step of her dressing drawers. She knew that conceiving a child with Nick was an impossibility and she loved him too much regardless of that, but sometimes she wished it were different and he was more open to the idea.
Shaking all baby-related thoughts away, Hannah decided to stop sulking about what could have been and focus on the now. She excused herself from Ashley and decided to go find Nick, Hayley followed suit.
“Hey,” she said as she trailed behind Hannah, “Don’t take any of the things she says too seriously, alright? She doesn’t know how much of a pain those kids are going to be when they grow up,” Hayley tried to pass it off a lighthearted joke but Hannah could see that she was concerned for her inside.
She nodded, “Where do you think Nick is?” she said, avoiding answering the question but that is when her gaze landed into the spot where he was.
And he was not alone. From a distance, Hannah could see that Nick was conversing with a woman and while that was not an issue, something about her stance told her that she had seen this person before. An uncomfortable feeling arose in her system as she final begun to realize who it was.
Her eyes darting between the woman and Nick and then finally coming to rest on Hayley, “Is that Samantha Parker?” she asked her with gritted teeth.
Hale was quiet for a moment, as though lamenting about something private, “Yeah,” she finally said, “She was back in town – I would not have invited her if I knew you would have a problem with it,” she tried to explain herself but an odd expression has taken over Hannah’s face now as she shook her head firmly.
“Not at all,” she said, “Excuse me, will you?” she said and then walked off towards Nick and Samantha’s direction.
Samantha had been Nick’s girlfriend in high school before the two of them started going out and even though, Hannah knew she was no competition for her, seeing her with Nick after all these years made an odd emotion stir up inside of her. It was not one of jealousy – as she was the one with the ring on her finger and not Samantha but something of an odd wistfulness instead.
She cleared her throat to make her presence known as she walked over to the two of them. Nick seemed startled by her sudden presence but Samantha nearly did a double take – that too in excitement.
“Hannah!” she called out in her overly zealous tone of hers, “My girl! Oh congratulations! Nick was just told me about your engagement,” she said wrapping the brunette up into a hug.
Hannah was a little surprised - in high school, Samantha had been extremely cold to her at the very least if not malicious. She had resented the fact that Nick had left her for Hannah but it seemed that over the years, she had done some maturing or at least that is what it seemed like judging by her behavior right now.
“Thanks,” Hannah managed to squeeze out the words as she wiggled out of her grip, trying to maintain a smile on her face.
“I was just actually telling Nick how you should both drop by at my house,” she told her, “I would love to catch up with you too in private! I am sure you both have had a hell of a journey to share with me,” she said grinning at Hannah.
Hannah could not help but nod even though, inside she was begging Nick to abandon this conversation and them to leave.
Hannah did not know what it was about Samantha but something in her demeanor still irked her immensely to the point where it made her feel uncomfortable in her presence – like the feeling you get when you dress yourself up on a sweater and it turns out to be a sunny day outside.
Perhaps it was in the way that Samantha had always been perfection bottled up in a little vial – she had graduated on top of their class and gone abroad to pursue her education while the rest stayed behind. Hannah would sometimes hear stories about her adventure world hopping around the world from mutual friends but for the most part, she tried to steer clear of anything Samantha inspired.
And right now it was proving to be quite the arduous task.
“Yeah, definitely,” Nick chimed in, “Actually, we would love to have you at the wedding as well!” he offered without even asking Hannah.
This caused Samantha’s eyes to lit up in excitement and Hannah’s to widen in horror – Hannah stared back at Nick and silently tried to communicate her apprehension with her eyes but he was paying no attention as Samantha giggled and nodded her head.
“Of course, of course,” she replied, “I would not miss it for the world!” she said and then let out an exaggerated squeal.
--
The car-ride home had been mostly silent with the sounds of the radio droning out the absence of noise. Even though they were comfortable with such silences, Nick knew that this one felt impregnated with the weight of something between them. And so when Hannah said she would retire to bed early, claiming she isn’t feeling well, Nick knew that something was bothering her.
He slid over next to her on their bed and nudged her lightly with his elbow, “Hey there sleepy head,” he said softly, “do you want to talk about it?” he asked gently.
“Talk about what?” she said pursing her lips together, “I do not have anything to say to you,” she concluded and tried to turn the other way.
