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Nick’s face contorted into a variety of expressions before settling on one of stoicism, “Are you sure that is your final decision?” he asked her.
She nodded, “I know this is the last way I should have gotten to have one but as I have grown up, I have wanted to have a child of my own more and more. But this was never a topic of conversation for us,” she said, “and now I feel like – this terrible thing happened, yes but perhaps I can get something beautiful out of it.”
Nick pressed his lips together in a hard line, “Are you going to,” he paused, “inform the father?”
Hannah shook her head, “No – I doubt he would want anything to do with it and honestly I do not even remember what he looked like,” she replied.
Nick was silent for a long moment and that caused Hannah to worry- but she had made her decision and would stand by it.
“This could be good for us, Nick,” she tried to convince him, “I know you what happened was wrong but if we try, we can leave that in the past and build another future together. One where we have another addition – one where we can finally we a family,’ she pressed.
“This is not going to be my child,” he said rather sourly.
“Yes but when was that ever an option for us?” she said, referring to his surgery, “If we ever were going to have one – it would have always been not someone that was biologically your child. Perhaps this happened to speed the process along.”
“Am I supposed to tell the world I am living with the girl who’s carrying the child of the person she cheated on me with?” He said and a dash of hurt had seeped in into his voice.
“Except that I would never cheat on you – it was never intentional,” she told him, “Besides, you are the only one for me. There is nothing else or no one else that I want that isn’t you. If you leave, then that is it – love won’t be an option for me anymore.”
Nick was half-surprised to hear those words come out of her but somewhere inside of him, he knew that it was the same for him.
“I need time,” he told her and that was the only certain answer he would give her in that moment in time.
Life tends to have the habit of never cleverly resolving at a brief set time. Because life tends to leave wounds that can hurt to touch even after years and those take their sweet time to heal. Hannah understood that and she knew that she would not garner any progress by pushing Nick into making a decision now. She knew that she had to respect his wishes and give him space, even though she loved him.
“You can take as long as you want,” she told him.
This time, their goodbye was more bittersweet and when they hugged each other at the door, it still held that desperation from before but also, it held a promise. A promise that stated that they were two people that loved each other dearly but life threw curveballs their way. A promise that resonated with the wedding vows they said to each other in a time when things were normal. And so, if they were to be together for each other for better or for worse, this would be their worse.
EPILOGUE
Three weeks passed since that day Nick announced that he required some time to think about things. Three weeks is a long time when your entire life for the past eight years is on the line but Hannah knew that she had no other choice to wait it out and let him consider his decision.
Rushing things could mean pent up future resentment or even worse, him rejecting the idea straight up and that was the last thing Hannah wanted. She wanted to make sure he comes to a conclusion on his own terms.
Serendipity means finding happiness at unlikely times and places and that was what happened when one night, Hannah sat cross legged at the edge of her bed, chowing down on a box of cereal. Her mind was distracted as she watched a vapid television show to get her mind off everything that was going on around her.
That was when her phone buzzed.
Nick: meet me at the place we always went
Hannah was partly surprised but mostly happy to get the text. The message was a little cryptic but she knew exactly what the meant as she pulled up outside of the beach.
She walked over to his usual spot where he liked to take her before and a wave of nostalgia hit her as she thought about all the times they had come here as a teenager. But she shook her head and dispelled all such thoughts as she finally spotted a dark silhouette standing close to the waves and she knew it was him.
She did not speak a word as she just silently went and joined him. He did not say a word either as he slowly interlinked his fingers with hers. They stood there together for a long time in silence just holding hands. In that moment, it was as though they had reconciled at a level that words could not provide.
Finally, Nick spoke up again, “I want to get back together,” he said silently.
“Even after you know what I have decided to do with the child?” she found herself asking, thinking that she needed to be pinched because of the surrealism of his words.
“I stand by you,” he said, “and I will always stand by you. We can raise it together as our own,” he said and Hannah knew it had taken him a long time and hard contemplation to arrive to this conclusion.
Hannah could not control the emotions that overcame her at that moment as she flung herself towards him and buried her head in his neck. He instantly wrapped an arm around her waist and again, they just stood there holding each other for a long moment.
It seemed tonight words were not the way they would be doing most of their communicating.
“Nick, I love you,” she told her as she held onto him, the sea breeze hitting her face.
