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Sincerely

Leila.

After writing my letter, I sat back and took a deep breath. Was I really going to send this? I tapped the tip of the pen on the edge of the table and then smiled. Then I held up the tiny photograph of myself, taken last year at a happy hour. Of course I would send it. I was on a journey of new beginnings, and I wasn’t going to let self-doubt or anxiety hinder the process. I stared at the letter one more time, then folded it in half and slid it neatly inside the matching envelope. I placed a flower stamp in the top right-hand corner, sealed it, and placed it in the mailbox. A breeze swept across the valley and for a moment I simply stood and breathed in the air. Then I turned around, a smile on my face, and walked confidently back inside.

Chapter 3

A week passed and there was no response from the cowboy. For the most part, life went on as usual. I went to work every other day at Sunflower Bookstore, then came home and either went for a run or stopped at Conscious Coffee for a treat. Sometimes I ventured out with my friend, Ella, to get a drink at one of the bars. All the while, I was questioning whether I should have even sent the letter. All of my self-doubt came raging inside me, relentless, it seemed, at times.

“I sent a letter to some guy in Montana who’s looking for a mil-order bride.” I looked over at Ella who was sipping quietly on her Sedona Stout. We had decided at the last minute to go to happy hour at Sedona Brewery. Ella almost spit out her drink.

“You do what?” She wiped off her mouth and then leaned forward on her stool. “You’re kidding me.” Ella’s eyes widened and she laughed. “Like- a real mail-order bride where the man solicits a stranger and then picks a woman that he’s never met before to marry him?” Ella looked dumbfounded. I nodded my head and then smiled.

“Yup. That’s exactly the kind.” I stretched and then took a sip of my Arizona Ale. Ella shook her head.

“Leila.” She gave me a motherly stare. “You know that writing letters to strangers isn’t safe. Right?” Ella looked concerned. “I mean, what if this guy is some kind of crazy?” She folded her arms across her chest and I sighed. Ella was a good friend, albeit a bit overprotective and sometimes overly dramatic.

“I wouldn’t have written to him if I thought that it was a dangerous proposition. My letter was pretty boring, anyway. I bet he throws it in the trash as soon as he opens it.” I suddenly wished that I had kept my big mouth shut. Ella was creating more doubt for me than I already had, and I was beginning to second-guess my own strengths as a partner and a woman. I sipped my beer in silence for a few moments, then got up to use the bathroom.

As soon as I got inside the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror. I had always thought that even though I might not be the most glamorous woman in the world, there was something unique about me that was worth the right man’s attention. I couldn’t help the fact that I hadn’t dated in a while. I still had a desire to be loved, and I still had an urge to make a happy life for myself. I applied a little lip gloss and then ran my hands through my long, chestnut brown hair. I was going to march right back out there and tell Ella that I was more than ready to take my chances with the cowboy of my potential dreams.

When I reached the bar, Ella was chatting with a man who looked about ten years older than her. She winked at me and then continued her conversation. I rolled my eyes. If there was one kind of partner I knew that I didn’t want, it was the kind who hit on ten women a night at the local bar. Ella had a habit of picking the same kind of man over and over. For as long as I’d known her, she was constantly seeking love in all the wrong places.

“Hey, Leila. Me and my new friend, Tom, are going to swing by the Saddlebag Saloon. Want to join us?” Ella looked like she had a good buzz on, and I knew that if I went with them it would be a good time, but I just wasn’t in the mood.

“I think I’m going to call it a night. But thank you for inviting me.” I smiled and then pulled some cash out of my purse. “Here. Leave this for my drinks and part of the tip.” I gave Ella a quick kiss on the cheek, then got up from the bar-stool. I wrapped my silk scarf around my neck, then leaned closer to Ella. “You be careful. Call me when you get in.” I turned around and walked away. When I stepped outside, the moon was full and a barn owl swooped overhead. I walked quietly to my car, then slid inside and started the ignition.

The entire drive home I thought about the letter. Did I sound too desperate? Had I left something out? I frowned, convinced that it had been my approach, or lack thereof, that had keep him from writing me back. I backed out of my parking space, then proceeded to drive down the long, unlit road that led to my house. When I arrived, it was almost midnight. Only a few scattered street lights illuminated the avenue, and I decided that I was just about ready for bed. Just as I was about to walk up the driveway, I remembered that IO hadn’t checked the mail yet that day. I walked slowly toward the red box, then lifted down the handle and reached inside. It looked like the usual- a few bills, a flyer for the local car wash, and a coupon for party balloons. I sighed, and stuffed the pile under my arm, then trudged toward the porch. When I got inside, I set the mail on the foyer table, and was just about to head upstairs when I noticed a small, blue envelope sitting on the top I squinted to see what it was, and that’s when I noticed the return address: Billings, Montana.

Chapter 4

For a second all I could do was stare at the envelope. Was it really a return letter from the cowboy? My heart raced and my palms began to sweat. What would I do if he was interested in meeting me? Would I really pack up and leave my home and all the familiarity of Arizona? I picked up the envelope and carried it upstairs. Maybe I’d wait to open it until tomorrow. That way, if he was only cordially declining me advance, I could have the day to process the rejection, rather than trying to go to bed with the same news.

I quickly rummaged around for a pair of clean pajamas. I decided on a flowered nightgown, since the weather was perfect for something light and romantic. I unfastened the barrette from my hair, then shook it out and settled on my bed, legs crossed and hands shaking. It was almost comical that the letter had produced such an emotion within me. I took a deep breath and slowly tore off an edge of the envelope. Then I carefully pulled out the letter, written on a piece of burgundy stationary.

“Dear Leila,

Thank you so much for your letter. I have to be honest and tell you that I received over a hundred responses to my ad. It was pretty overwhelming. After a careful read-through from every woman who contacted me, I’ve decided that I’d like to meet you in person. I was especially interested in the fact that you mentioned independence and kindness. I’m looking for a woman who can take charge, but who also lets me be a man. I live in a town called Billings, and we have a lot of fun winter activities, in case that appeals to you. My son will be six months on April first. I’d like to offer you a plane ticket out here to visit. We can meet at a neutral location, and if it goes well, you’d be welcome to move right in to my ranch. Please respond as soon as you can to let me know if you are still interested.

Take care,

Dusty.

P.S. I liked your photo.

I bit my lower lip and then smiled. It was really from him. He wanted to meet me. I spun off the bed and then jumped up and down. “He’s going to fly me out to Montana!” I shrieked out loud, then scurried down the hall and around the corner to the steps. I needed to call Ella. No- I couldn’t tell her right now because she was at some bar with that strange man, and she’d probably be too drunk to remember, anyway. I’d wait until tomorrow to share the good news.

The moon emerged from a large cloud and lit up the entire backyard. I stepped outside and sat on the back steps. For the first time in a long while, it felt good to be alone. I didn’t feel so isolated anymore. In a way, the letter was almost reassurance that I would finally find the companionship I’d been seeking for so long. Even if it didn’t work out, I would at least have a chance of making an effort, and of seeing what the prospect had to offer.

After a few minutes, I stepped inside and poured myself a glass of wine. I could celebrate the arrival of the letter, and then go to bed. That sounded like the perfect way to end the evening, so I took my glass and settled back on the porch steps, watching as a few more clouds rolled through the sky. I thought about my mother, and how excited she would have been to know that I was on my way to meeting someone. It brought a tear to my eye knowing that she would never be here to share in the small milestones such as this one.

When the wine was gone and my head felt sort of fuzzy, I walked inside and quietly turned off the lights. I made my way back upstairs to my bedroom, then I stood by the window and watched the cars as they zipped around in the distance. I’d miss Arizona. That was for sure. At the same time, I was excited to visit a new place, and to find out what life in the cooler climate was all about. I started to wonder if Dusty had horses, or if he liked to go on hikes. What did he look like? I was a little disappointed that he hadn’t included a picture, but then I figured it didn’t matter too much because basing a relationship purely off of looks was what had gotten me nowhere in the past, anyway.

I slid under the covers and then pulled the comforter up to my chin. It felt so good to relax, to be in my bed, without any anxiety over the letter. I could go to sleep now knowing that in just a short period of time, I’d be on a plane heading to the mountains of Montana. I’d be on my way to beginning the next phase of my life, to taking care of a small child. What would it be like? I smiled, thinking about all the possibilities. Then, after a few moments of tossing and turning, I finally drifted off to a deep and restful sleep.

Chapter 5

Dusty ordered my plane ticket two days later. He had the airline ship them directly to my house, and he even made sure that I got a window seat. I was almost too excited to have enough focus on packing. Ella hadn’t returned any of my phone calls since that night at Sedona Brewery, but it didn’t affect me too much. I figured I’d eventually just leave her a voice mail and tell her all about the arrangement, regardless of how opposed she was to the idea.

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