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"I don't have a clue," she said slowly, "am I just supposed to not talk to him anymore? I mean, that is the smart thing to do."
"Do what your heart wants," Janet told her.
Blair sighed loudly, "I can't. My hearts the one that put me into this situation in the first place."
"Oh no honey," Janet suddenly said abruptly in that same playful tone of hers. Anything to lighten up the mood. "That wasn't your heart; those were just the hormones talking."
Blair shook her head in dread, "I can't believe it," she said, "the signs were always too blatant and staring me right in the face. I just didn't want to see them."
"It's not your fault," Janet said those words for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening.
Blair pursed her lips together. For one thing, at least her sobs had died down. She shook her head. "What do I do now?" She asked.
Janet shrugged, "It's honestly just up to you at this point."
"Can we go out tonight?" Blair said, biting down her lip as she awaited her best friend’s response.
"Seriously? Do you ever even have to ask with me? Sure we can whatever you want. “Janet replied at once.
“Good,” Blair replied relieved, “I don’t really think I can bear staying and be alone with my compulsive thoughts right now.”
“You want me to invite James out?” Janet suggested in one of her slow cautious tones as she was unsure what the brunette’s response would be to such a suggestion. But to her surprise, Blair seemed to be actually entertaining the idea as she took it and turned it over in her head.
“Hey you know what? That wouldn’t be so bad,” Blair replied, chewing the inner side of her cheek furiously. “Yeah, do that.”
Janet looked at her relieved, “Oh good! I’ll text him up to meet us tonight.”
That night seemed like any other night out except Blair could not help but to not feel that constant shitty nagging emotion at the pit of her stomach. Still, she had managed to drag herself out of bed and get dressed, refusing to remain in her perpetual sad state forever.
The thought of meeting James again evoked in her an omnipresent feeling of dread but she knew even that would be better than being alone.
Chapter 12
Blair found herself under the dim fluorescent lights of the tiled bathroom ceiling. Let out a sharp intake of breath, she steadied herself before going out again. In theory, it had seemed like a good idea to invite James out with them but it was going as a complete disaster.
James had been his usual obstinate self- absorbed self as usual and the first thing he was said to her was about the whole thing with the charity gala and her leaving without him; he didn't buy the whole excuse that Blair had suddenly contracted a stomach flu and so had to leave immediately.
"Not cool what you did back then, Blair," he had said to her whilst tilting his sunglasses downwards to look at her. Yeah, sunglasses indoors when the sun was nowhere in sight. "You're lucky I even came today - totally wouldn't after you blew me off for that old dude. Like what was even that about man?? You're so lucky you're pretty," James had told her.
And somehow, everything coming out of James' mouth sounded like a backhanded insult even if it was meant to be a compliment. The rest of the time, he had proceeded to chug down whatever liquid with the slightest level of alcohol down land proceeded to get drunk out of his mind - which of course meant he only get ten times more obstinate and obnoxious than he was sober. Blair decided she could not deal with any more of his shenanigans when he fanned his beer breath straight onto her face and asked her for a lap dance.
The cool of the bathroom tiles hit Blair on the exposed skin of her back as she slid downwards to sit on the floor and it was a welcome sensation.
The party was far too overcrowded and so far, Blair was feeling even more miserable than she had been before she came. And to add to her list of problems, she was feeling a woozy sensation – the rise of bile in your throat you get before you get sick but she could not get herself to throw up even when she tried.
She had to stop her herself five times from swooping up her phone and texting Daniel but she knew she had to practice better self-discipline than that.
Finally, she decided that coming out today was not worth it and she much rather be engulfed in the comfort of her bed - the idea of sleeping off your problems had never been more alluring to her than now.
She typed up a quick text to Janet telling her she's would be leaving - she didn't want to make a fuss and drag Janet along, even though she offered. And a boring taxi ride and 20 dollars less later, Blair found herself standing in front of her house. Home had never looked so good before.
But as she fumbled for the keys in her purse, she felt a shadow in her peripheral vision and nearly jumped up in terror as her defense mechanism kicked in and she thought she might be in the presence of a potential burglar.
"Who's there?" she called out into the darkness and there was a rustle of footstep and a figure stepped out.
"What are you doing here?" Blair spat out immediately as she realized the familiar face of the person.
"I came to see you of course," It was Daniel's usual calm voice, "seeing as you refused to attend any of my calls, I had no other choice," he stated as though it was perfectly normal to show up uninvited to someone's house and hide in the shadows till they returned.
