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“Ciao,” I placed what I hoped looked like a genuine smile on my face as he kissed both my cheeks.
“Well, I can definitely work with this in the short time we have!” he laughed, looking me up and down appraisingly. “I do love a shot-gun wedding for the added drama! Now let’s find your dress, shall we?”
I was whisked away from Mamma, Liv, Cami and Sephie and shoved in front of racks upon racks of wedding dresses, all stunning and all different in every way.
“So, describe to me your dream dress,” Julius grinned at me, his fingers moving skillfully to separate the hangers and to give me a better view of each dress. My eyes cast over them all blankly as I gaped like a goldfish, feeling completely overwhelmed. “Mermaid style? Silhouette? Princess?”
My watery eyes stared at him in alarm on hearing that word again even if it was in a completely different context to what I was used to. Julius tilted his head at me with a deep frown before calling mamma over to us.
“Is everything alright?” she asked, looking between Julius and me as he tapped his finger against his chin, studying me carefully. I hadn’t even realised my eyes were welling up with tears until mamma grabbed a tissue from her pocket and wiped them.
“I think we have an emotional bride on our hands,” Julius smiled kindly. “Don’t worry, this happens all the time. Maybe we should ease her into it and let the bridesmaids pick out some dresses for her to try on first.”
“That sounds like a good plan,” Mamma nodded, grabbing my hand and pulling me away. “I’ll take her around to the changing room to get ready.”
As soon as she had drawn the curtain around us, I slumped down on the cream chair and dropped my head in my hands, fighting the emotions that I refused to acknowledge anymore. I had made my peace with this. Marrying Enzo was the right thing to do. For everyone. It would keep me safe and help Gio.
“Elle? Sweetie? What’s wrong?” Mamma knelt down next to me, pulling one of my hands into hers as I sat up and blinked away the tears. “Is this all too soon? We can postpone the wedding if it’s too soon. After everything you have just been through, maybe-”
“No,” I shook my head, pulling myself together. “No. I’m fine. This needs to happen. There is no point in postponing it. The sooner it’s done, the better.”
Mamma’s dark eyes narrowed on me as her hand reached up and grabbed my chin, turning my head to look at her. “Elle, is this really what you want? To marry Enzo? You are not just doing this to please your brother, are you?”
“No, mamma,” I shook my head, giving her a small smile. “Enzo is a good man.”
“A good man doesn’t necessarily mean the right man,” she replied, holding my gaze. I breathed in shakily and looked down at my hands. “Do you love him?”
“Enzo? Well, no, but I am sure I will in time-” I started but paused when she shook her head at me.
“No. Alessio Barbieri.”
I gawked at her, my eyes bulging. How did she know? I had only told Finn and Liv my true feelings for him. She sighed deeply when I didn’t say anything. I was too surprised.
“I can see it in your eyes, Elle,” she muttered with a sad smile as she stroked my cheek.
“See what?”
“How much you love him.”
“Loved,” I corrected her. “Past tense, mamma. It’s over.”
“It doesn’t work that way, sweetheart. I wish it did, but it doesn’t.”
“Well right now, I hate him just as much so I am sure that stupid love I felt for him will die eventually. Mamma, I can’t do this right now. I can’t sit here and talk about him when I am about to try on wedding dresses to marry another man. A man who cares about me and wants to protect me. A good man. That is what I need to focus on.”
“This isn’t what I want for you, Elle,” she shook her head, standing up and staring down at me as if I was some kind of puzzle she needed to solve. “You should marry for love.”
“Well, this isn’t exactly what I wanted for myself either, but it’s the hand I’ve been dealt. You wanted me to know what it felt like to fall in love, mamma? To love a mafia man? You wanted me to experience the passion and intensity for someone like you did with papi? Well, your wish came true. I did. And look where it got me. It fucking sucked! So forgive me if I am making a safer choice now. One that won’t have the power to completely destroy me like he did.”
She stared at me in silence as I avoided her direct gaze, knowing she was looking right through me into my soul. I couldn’t take it. I stood up suddenly just as Julius strolled in with three dresses over his arm, hanging them on the empty railing.
“Your bridesmaids have each picked one for you to try on,” he smiled as I brushed down my jeans and nodded. My eyes fell on the white, expensive fabric of the first mermaid style dress made of lace. “Ready?”
I glanced over at mamma, who was still staring at me with those penetrating brown eyes, and I straightened my spine. “Yes. I’m ready now. Let’s do this.”
“Oh Elle! You look incredible! That has to be the one!” Sephie gushed as all the girls beamed at me from the stylish sofa, champagne in hand, except Liv who had sparkling water. I smiled at her, knowing she was only saying that because this was her pick. I looked at myself in the mirror and had to agree that it did fit me beautifully, it was simply stunning. The kind of dress I had always envisioned wearing on my wedding day. It was an elegant off the shoulder beaded dress with long, sheer beaded sleeves and a corset bodice. It hugged my figure effortlessly with a high slit up one leg and a veil of tulle flowing out behind me from my hips.
“I have to agree. It looks like it was made for you Elle,” Cami smiled as I turned slightly to get a view of the pretty back. Was it the one? How do you know when you find the one? Is it supposed to be a big moment? I knew I loved it. I knew it was what I had always dreamed of. So, why wasn’t I feeling anything?
