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“You want us to go back to how it was before? You want to love me, but only in the dark. You want to steal kisses behind closed doors. You want me to wait for you to be ready to no longer be ashamed of who you are or what we have? How long, Enzo? How long do I have to wait for you to love me the way I deserve?”
He dropped his forehead to the steering wheel and closed his eyes. But I wasn’t finished. I had to get everything out.
“You chose to marry my best friend, knowing what she meant to me and gave us up just to save face. I gave you a choice and you walked away from me, Enzo. You let me watch you flirt and lie to her in front of me! I had to stand in the corner of your engagement party, while you paraded a fake love to everyone you knew because you were too ashamed to tell them about me! How do you think that made me feel? You broke my fucking heart, time and time again.”
“And you didn’t lie to me? You didn’t pretend to be someone you weren’t throughout our whole relationship, Finn? Don’t sit there and make me out to be the only one living in the dark. You are a Barbieri soldier! You worked undercover for Alessio for nine fucking years! I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets!” he roared, the veins in his neck protruding with his rage.
“You’re right,” I muttered. “But that fact never affected our relationship. Who I worked for, wouldn’t have changed how I felt about you or how much I was willing to give to be with you, Enzo. That is the difference. And I can’t do it anymore. I can’t hold your hand while you sort through your shit. I have worked too fucking hard to build up my self-esteem and self-respect over the years to take ten steps back. I know who I am and I know what I can cope with. But that is no longer something I can do. You want to be with me? Then be with me. But not like this. Not like how it was.”
The moment his glassy eyes connected with mine, I knew his answer. I already felt it in my bones. He couldn’t do it.
I sighed, running my hand over my face as I fought the pain in my heart. “Did you at least read the contract?”
“I did and I’ll sign,” he mumbled, emotion catching in his tone. Alessio had included a list of mafia laws that all families had to abide by when signing. Mainly they were about not hurting women or children, no rape or involvement in human trafficking, that kind of thing. But one of them included no discrimination against the LGBTQIA+ community, including mafia members.
“Then I hope…” I turned to look at him again as he tilted his head to the side. “That one day you find the strength to fight for the happiness you deserve, Enzo. It wasn’t with me, and that’s okay. But I really do hope you find it.”
“Finn…” his voice broke with pain and sorrow as I reached for the car door. “I really do love you. I wish I was as strong as you. I wish I didn't care what people thought but I just - I can’t… I’m sorry.”
“So am I,” I smiled sadly as we held each other’s gaze. “This is just one chapter of our lives and I don’t regret it. Maybe someday we can rewrite a new one. But if it's not meant to be, then I wish you all the best. I just want you to be happy. Good luck, Enzo.”
I climbed out of the car and closed the door, heading back towards our rental as Fabi looked up from his phone with a confused expression. I paused before I opened the driver’s door, looking up at the sky, closing my eyes and inhaling the fresh air deeply. My heart fucking hurt, but not as much as I expected. I felt lighter. A strange peace came from that decision. Full of hope for the future no matter what it may bring. I had my closure and I was ready to move on. The South, my home, was calling my name. As I exhaled slowly, I opened my eyes to see Enzo’s car had already gone. A bittersweet feeling settled in my chest.
“What the fuck was that about?” Fabi asked as I ducked into the car and closed the door.
“Just saying goodbye to a past life,” I replied as I started up the engine, welcoming a new one which held so much promise ahead. Life is all about growth. And that right there was me knowing that, as much as walking away from him pained me, I would grow from it. I would find the love I deserved one day and I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
Until Forever
My smile sprouted like a fresh flower in spring when zia Flo walked into the wooden art studio that had been decorated with mountains of fairy lights, flowers and a pretty arch at the far end. Even though there would only be ten people at our wedding, it would still be a tight squeeze to fit them all in. But there really was no other place more perfect to marry the love of my life. Where it all began.
My zia’s warming eyes found me standing at the far end of the studio and her tears started to swell immediately. She was dressed in an elegant silver dress with a small fascinator decorating her white hair. She opened her arms out wide and made her way towards me as I moved down the short aisle to greet her. After Giovanni and I talked through my plan to kill Galiz last night, I called her immediately and sorted her flight up to the North.
“You look so handsome, my boy. And I am so proud of you,” she gushed as she squeezed herself against my tux.
“Grazie, zia. You look lovely.”
When she pulled back, she hit me hard on the arm with her clutch bag, glaring up at me. “That is for only giving me only a few hours to find the perfect dress for your wedding and being a stronzo by nearly losing that girl! You best hold onto her for dear life now!”
“I intend to,” I smirked down at her.
“You must be Florence? I have heard so many wonderful things about you from Elle,” Cecilia walked over to us as the rest of the family started to take their places in the glass chairs around the room.
“Signora Buccini,” Flo beamed as they kissed each other’s cheeks in a friendly manner. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”
“Please, it’s Cecilia. We are family now,” Cecilia grinned before turning to me. “She’s ready. Are you?”
My smile widened as the excitement built inside me. “I’ve been waiting for her for years. I’ve never been more ready.”
Cecilia squeezed my hand before her and Flo moved to take their seats at the front. I turned to Finn and Fabi who were both sitting on the front seats at the other side of the aisle. Fabi sent me a wink of encouragement, while Finn leaned forward and whispered, “Don’t fuck this up. It’s just two little words. I do.”
“Your confidence in me is heart-warming, Finn,” I teased as he raised his eyebrows and tilted his head in jest.
A smooth, beautiful melody started playing from a sound system as the sea-green doors opened and two little faces investigated the room. Santino and Soraya. Sani was looking dapper in his tux and Raya looked like a little doll in her white, puffy dress, her ringlets over her shoulders and flowers in her hair. I smiled at them as they started to race down the aisle, clearly not listening to the instructions to walk leisurely, which made everyone chuckle.
But the laughter stopped as soon as I saw her. Everything melted away.
My angel in white. Standing in the doorway with her arm looped through Giovanni’s, I saw only her stunning face. My past, my present and my entire future was wrapped up in this woman. I was completely transfixed, teleported back to the moment I turned around in this very room eleven years ago and looked upon her beauty for the first time. I had been captivated then just as I was right now. There was no denying that she was the most beautiful woman in the world to me. And despite everything, I was the lucky son of a bitch she deemed worthy of her love.
