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“What is it?” he asked softly.
“I am so angry at Vincenzo. So unbelievably mad at him. And I know it’s unfair. He had no control over his death, but he left me. He promised he would never leave me and he left me to face everything alone. To raise four children and deal with a mafia empire. To deal with my illness alone. And he made it impossible, Marco.”
He stayed quiet just letting me release it all as he slowly ran his hand up and down my back, soothing my pain. Taking a shuddery breath, I continued.
“I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to be miserable. I don’t want to blink and my children are grown and I know nothing about them because I have let life pass me by. I want them to see me happy. I want to be the best person in their life, but I don’t know how, Marco. I don’t know how to do any of it.”
“Just breathe,” he soothed, scooting closer to me and wrapping his arms around my body as I sank into his embrace. “Everything will all be okay. Don’t put pressure on yourself, Cecilia. And I am sorry if you feel I have. I know you regret the kiss and it’s completely okay. We can pretend it never happened; nothing has to change between us. I’ll still be here for you.”
I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. Eyes filled with so much warmth and authenticity. Reaching up to caress his stubbled jaw, his eyes darted between mine.
“I don’t regret that kiss. I know I should. I thought I would. But I don’t. And that confuses me more.”
“You need me to be a friend right now, Cecilia. And that’s fine. I can wait, for however long it takes,” he husked as my fingers brushed through the gruffness of his stubble.
I shook my head. “I don’t want you to be a friend.”
He held my gaze and I held my breath.
“I don’t want to just be your friend either. But I also don’t want to rush you, if you’re not ready for this.”
I gulped, my head and heart conflicted once again and dropped my hand. “I know.”
He leaned forward and grabbed the ice bucket with the empty bottle of wine, taking it into the kitchen. “Come on, we need some sleep.”
I nodded, removing the fur blanket from my shoulders and standing up. We made our way up the stairs in silence, him walking slightly behind me. My heart was thundering and my mind was cursing me for ruining this. Whatever this was. He would run a mile soon. He was seeing what a mess I am and he will soon come to his senses. I stopped at my door, before quickly spinning in my heels to face him. Maybe it was the wine giving me courage, but I had to ask.
“Why do you like me, Marco? Look at me. I am a mess. I am broken. And you… you’re this great big, manly teddy bear who is gorgeous and caring and just wonderful. You could get any woman you wanted. Why me?”
He stepped forward and lifted his hand, wrapping it around the back of my neck which made my legs turn to jelly.
“I wish you could see yourself how I see you, Cecilia. Because I don’t see any of that. I don’t see a broken mess. I see a strong, stunning woman who has been through shit and came out on the other side. Yes, you have scars but they just add to your beauty.”
The breath left my lungs as I leaned my head back into his hand to look up at him. He inched closer again and closed the space between us, brushing his nose gently against mine. “But I mean it when I say, I will wait. Days, months, years. You are worth it to me, Cecilia. And if you decide this isn’t what you want at all. Then that’s okay too.”
His words were like foreplay. How did he know the perfect thing to say in every situation? I reached my hands up to his chest, gripping his shirt and pulling his lips down to mine. The kiss was slow and romantic, every swipe of his tongue, every caress of his hands meant something and my heart ached.
When we broke apart, he looked just as dazed as I felt.
“I need to take this slow, Marco. But can we try something?”
“Si,” he breathed.
“Will you hold me tonight? Will you sleep with me?” I sucked my bottom lip in as I waited for his answer. I just wanted to feel him close. His arms around me and keeping me safe. I have always been an affectionate person and physical contact is my love language. If I could fall asleep in his arms then we may have a chance… This may be something worth exploring.
“Of course,” he answered and I smiled, turning to open my door and pulling him in by his hand. Once we were inside, I took myself to the bathroom to get ready for bed, choosing one of my nicer trouser and cami sets to sleep in. When I returned, he was already in the bed, shirtless but wearing his boxers. I climbed in next to him and he immediately rolled into me, wrapping one arm around my body and the other under my head. His warmth and strength melted me into blissful relaxation and I entwined my hand with his.
“Goodnight, Cecilia.”
“Goodnight, Marco.”
The List
Whistling happily, I made my way downstairs. I was in a brilliant mood, not only because I kissed her last night, but also because Giovanni had done what I asked. He’d pulled out of Venice and signed all the businesses over to Leone. My plan was in motion and moving along without a hiccup, well except being shot in the leg of course.
I hobbled through the living room and out onto the veranda to find Elle and Zia already sitting at the large breakfast table. They were hysterically laughing together at something and I paused in the doorway to watch. Elle tilted her head back, her black waves falling down her back and she held her hand over her stomach. The sweet sound that left her mouth was like music to my ears. I had heard her laugh a few times on the phone and last night but not like this. This was belly laughing and she looked radiant.
I stepped out of the shadows and into view as Zia turned to see me approaching with a beaming smile on her face. It seems these two had really hit it off in the short time they had spent together and I was surprised when it made a stab of happiness swell in my chest.
