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VANN
Sitting on the side of the bed in the little cottage, I sighed as the phone rang in my ear. When I finally heard her “Hello,” my heart squeezed a little.
“Hey, Ma. Just calling to let you know I made it safely. I…I’m at Cake’s house. She put me up in the mother-in-law’s quarters. But you already knew that, huh?”
“I did, and not just because Cake called me last night right after you arrived and told me. Cake at work today?”
“Yes, ma’am. Jovani’s here working in his studio room office thing. Romey-D is with her sitter.”
“Hmmm, well, go ahead and say what you’ve been wanting to say but couldn’t say to my face.”
I sighed. Damn, she worked my nerves always knowing shit. “Okay. Why?”
“Why what, son?”
“You know what I’m talking about,” I said, my voice growing louder by the syllable. “That man—and I use that term very loosely—left you to raise me alone. You were only eighteen and he just dumped you because he didn’t want to be connected to a black woman or a black son, and anytime his damn conscience gets to him or whatever else it is that drives him to come lurking around, you let him in your home, feed him your food, and smile in his face! Why?!”
I could hear her sigh. “You’ve over-simplified a very complicated situation, Vann, and you have also raised your voice at me. Now, I’m more than willing to talk to you about this, but I am never willing to be disrespected by someone whose ass I used to have to wipe.”
“Sorry,” I muttered. “I meant no disrespect. I…I’m angry, upset, confused. You are the smartest, strongest human being I know. You don’t take nothing off nobody…but him. Why, Ma?” I sounded and felt like a fucking three-year-old.
“You know why. I’ve already told you.”
“Because you love him? Your love for him runs so deep that you can forgive him for all he’s done? For deserting you and trying to fix it with money?”
“No, my love for him allows me to be his friend, someone he can talk to. My love for him breeds empathy. He has a wife. I would never let what we share go beyond simple friendship, Vann. You should know your mama better than that.”
“But you forgive him? How?” I dragged the last word out, my mind and heart in a massive tangle. I couldn’t be the only one who saw this man for what he really was—a piece of shit.
“Because I know what he did, how he...treated me, had very little to do withme. Because I know he regrets his actions.”
“But still, he walks around in his suits all respected and revered while he pretends he doesn’t have a black son by a fucking hoodoo woman.”
“Vann,” she said, my name a warning.
“I’ma go. Just wanted you to know I made it. Tell Rabbit I said hey.” I hung up before she could reply.
CHAPTER8
BROOKLYN
At the end of my first week working at Romey U, I stumbled through the door to my small apartment, exhaustion seeming to overtake me more and more with every step I took. Bailey was behind me with her backpack on her back and our dinner in her hands.
Ever the miniature adult, she asked, “Wanna eat in the kitchen or in here?”
Scanning the small living room, I quickly decided, or maybe my lack of energy decided for me. “In here.”
A bright smile popped onto her pretty face. “Yay! Can we watch some videos on YouTube?”
I plopped down on the sofa, kicking my heels off. “More Whitney research?”
“Mm-hmm. When are we going back to Aunt Britta’s?”
Digging my hand in my hair to scratch my scalp, I shrugged. “I don’t know, baby. This new job is wearing me out.”
The long face she gave me made me quickly pivot because while I had a history of being a shitty person in a lot of ways, my main goal in life was to make my one and only, very unproblematic child happy. “Maybe tomorrow,” I amended.
The smile returned as she set the pizza box on the coffee table. “Yay! I’ll go get plates and stuff. Be right back!” Then she was gone, skipping the few steps to the kitchen, exhibiting boundless energy.
