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It sounded so familiar. It sounded like it had eons ago when he’d be inside me calling my name like it held some form of magic and could open caves full of gold or something.
Turning, I faced him again, a fluttering exploding in my stomach. “Yes?”
“I—”
“Brooklyn! Vann! Y’all coming or what?!” Sharla shouted, breaking into the moment.
I could see the frustration on Vann’s face, but I was relieved. So, I replied, “Coming!” and scurried away from him.
VANN
This was awkward.
Like, awkward as hell.
During the first little get-together, I was too deep in my head to obsess over this woman. Yeah, I’d been very aware of her presence and had been compelled to apologize for long past sins, but I’d been so preoccupied with feeling like an eyesore, a leper, a damn monster that I couldn’t really take in her presence, not with more than my eyesight. Tonight, I couldfeelher. I could feel her and smell her and taste her from across the damn room and I could’ve sworn I was over her.
Damn!
I hadn’t even thought about pussy in months, but I’d be got damned if my dick wasn’t hard just from glancing at her every other damn second.
I had a hard dick, and my sister was in the room.
Shit.
Adjusting in the easy chair, I listened as everyone but me and Brooklyn made plans for Romey U’s homecomingweek. Well, she had chimed in with the information that her evening class was cancelled for the week, but that was the extent of her contribution to the conversation. From what I’d gleaned as I went in and out of my Brooklyn White trances, so far the group had agreed on attending Sharla’s event on that Sunday evening, the alumni breakfast on Monday morning, and the Miss Romey University coronation ceremony on Wednesday night. As for me, any event Brooklyn would be at, I was going to be at because…shit, I didn’t know why other than I’d held a lot of affection for this woman long ago, and that affection was slowly creeping back into my heart for some reason. Maybe because I knew she was single again? Maybe because she looked so damn good, older but even more beautiful. Or maybe because she was my first love and I never really got over her. Maybe I never stopped loving her at all.
Yeah, maybe that was it.
The beerI drank during the little gathering woke me up in the middle of the night, so I shuffled to the bathroom and back to bed after I’d finished handling my business. But I couldn’t get back to sleep. My mind was full of confusing thoughts and fears and—
My phone buzzed on the nightstand and I damn near hopped to my feet. My breathing labored and my heart pounding, I answered it with, “Mama? You okay?”
“I am,” she replied, sounding like she was wide awake.
“Why you calling so late? How is Rabbit?”
“Rabbit is good. Missing you, but good.”
I smiled as I sat up on the side of the bed, dragging a hand down my face. “I miss him, too, but what you doing up so late?”
“You woke me up.”
I frowned. “I woke you up?”
“Your spirit is troubled. I could feel it, and I wanted to put your mind at ease.”
My mother really creeped me out with this shit sometimes, but she was never wrong. In a way, she’d known about my cancer before it was even detectable and had tried to prepare me for it that weekend three years ago when Sharla first introduced us to Jovani. Still, I found it hard to find comfort in her gift and although she and it had been a part of my life for my entire forty-three years, I couldn’t make myself get used to it. Maybe that was because the public’s awareness of it had been a burden for both me and my sister basically from birth.
“Um...okay,” I said, resting my elbows on my knees as I held the phone to my ear.
Her soothing voice returned, “There’s an African proverb, I believe it comes from the Tuareg people. It goes, ‘The creator has created lands with lakes and rivers for man to live. And the desert so that he can find his soul.’ This disease that you’ve conquered? Son, that was your desert. You’ve spent most of your life running from you, from who you are. Oh, I’m sure you believed the opposite, that you were on a journey of self-discovery, but understand this. Everything you’ve been through these months has made you learn of yourself and understand what is most important in this life—love and human connections. Family. Not necessarily family as in me or Cake or Rabbit or your father.”
I flinched at the mention of that man in relation to the wordfamily.
“Some family is chosen and that can be the best family of all. So you’ve been through the desert and now comes the time for you to live near land with lakes and rivers. Now is the time for love and family. Now you must flourish. Whatever you are feeling in your heart, trust. The way just being around her makes you feel, trust it. She needs you as much as you need her.”
I didn’t know what to say or how to feel. Was she talking about Brooklyn? If so, how would she know about her? I’d never shared our...thing with anyone because I never really understood it myself. I just knew it was real and strong and fucking intimidating. The mere thought of what I shared with her made it hard for me to breathe even now, years later.
