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“No sir. We are here. We are living up to our end of the deal,” I speak up.
“You come home for family meals during the holidays. When you show up, you look like respectful fucking men, not disgusting children! Not only do you look like children, but you are acting like them.”
Father walks to the fire, “Take the fucking sweaters off.”
Taking a deep breath, we begin removing our hoodies. Both are black and have ‘Get Lit’ on them with a Christmas tree below. We had these made a couple weeks ago just for today.
Dropping them to the floor, father hears them hitting the ground. Both of us are now just in plain tees. Now we wait for his next move.
Grabbing the fire poker, he sticks it into the flames, “‘Get Lit. Get fucking lit.” He says to himself.
A few moments pass, and we wait as the tension builds.
Father steps back, poker still in hand, and turns toward us, “Landon, come here son.”
I don’t move. My heart is racing, but my face remains neutral.
Father stomps his dress shoe clad foot on the ground. “Get the fuck over here. NOW!”
My feet begin to move, closing the space between us.
“Good. If you flinch, it will only be worse,” father explains.
Nodding in defeat, I whisper, “Yes, sir.” He always fucking wins and each time he does, I hate him more and more.
The hot steel fire poker connects to the flesh on my arm. Instinct is screaming at me to move it, that it fucking hurts and to just move my arm out of the way. My brain knows I cannot do that. Father pushes into my flesh harder. The smell isn’t one you can ever get used to. The sizzling of my own skin makes up part of my nightmares. I can feel my face reddening. But I will not fucking flinch.
He punishes both of us by doing this. As much as this physically hurts me, it hurts Hudson too. He wants to step in, to help me, to protect me. The minute he does though, father will only hurt me more. This challenges Hudson, his urges. He saves all his self restraint for these occasions. Any other time he lets it go, he gets his freedom that way.
A few moments pass before he begins to pull the poker away. My skin is melted on it, I can feel it tug before it unsticks from the poker.
This house always leaves scars.
Not a fucking chance Banks would make it twenty-four hours here. What we have done to her is fucking minor in comparison, if she only knew.
She would be screaming, crying and begging for it all to stop. Feeding into the monster. Banks doesn’t have a game face.
And I would never compare Hudson to our father. He is a good person, but if you show any weakness, it is drilled into him to use it against you.
“It won’t happen again father,” I say, looking him in his eyes. Making it believable as I can. He just nods in response before speaking, “Good. Now get out of my fucking sight.”
Turning around I walk back toward Hudson, he grabs my hoodie off the ground for me and we leave fathers study. It went as expected.
Merry Fucking Christmas.
16
HUDSON
It’s Christmas morning,
Although, you would never know it being in this house. Not even a fucking tree is up. If our mom was still around, well, we wouldn’t even be in this house. We would be somewhere safe, far away from the devil’s lair. It would be decorated head to toe, with the smell of fresh baking and Christmas music.
Mom disappeared one day when we were about eight or nine. It happened around the time father started punishing us more violently. She protested it, tried to fight back and protect us. Then one morning she was gone. We asked questions, but he never gave any answers. It’s like she was never here. I will never be like this man when I have kids. I fucking hate him. It wouldn’t shock me if we later found out he had our mom killed or hidden her away somewhere. Father owns a bunch of businesses, he is an investor. So his wealth and connections wouldn’t make what I think he’s done to our mom impossible.
Fuck’s sake. It’s Christmas, come on Hudson, happy thoughts.
We’ve finished eating and are sitting in the TV room. No fucking clue what’s on the TV, it’s more of a background noiseas I pull out my phone and check the feeds of Banks. She is up, pacing. Earlier she was doing yoga, to stretch her muscles. Smart girl.
