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He stood up from his crouching position and took two strides into my apartment—which was really all it took for him to see almost all of it. I’m sure my humble abode paled in comparison to the places he typically lived in.
Seeing him in my space felt jarring to say the least. He sank into my worn sofa and raked his hands through his hair. I smirked at the sight. I couldn’t help but feel the slightest twinge of satisfaction that he felt uneasy. Good to know it wasn’t only me being tortured this past week.
Edward meowed and pawed at my feet signaling it was past his dinner time.
“One sec,” I said, walking into my kitchen.
As I scooped food into his bowl while keeping him from jumping on the countertop, I tried to collect myself. Having Nathan in my space was beyond surreal. I had been trying to push him from my thoughts all week and now he’d forcedhimself right back in. I snuck a glance at the couch to see Nathan running his hands up and down his thighs.
“Um, can I get you anything?” It felt like such a mundane question given the circumstances, but I didn’t want to be rude.
He laughed to himself but muttered a, “No.”
I reentered the living room with apprehension. I thought about sitting, but something about being that close to him on the couch right now caused my stomach to somersault.
“So,” I finally said, hoping he’d take the hint and help me out. “Want to tell me what that was all about back there?”
He sighed and looked up at me. “Why did you want to pretend like nothing happened?”
Guess we were getting right into it.
“Because I thought you wanted that.”
“No,” he said gruffly, rising from the couch and covering the distance between us in two steps. “You told me we should forget about it. You said it’s whatyouwanted.”
“Andyouagreed.” My voice rose an octave. “I thought it’d be easier.”
“There’s nothing easy about this.”
I blinked a few times, still confused. “It’s not like you fought for anything different.”
“I’m not in the habit of begging women to be with me.” He reached up to cup my cheek. “Until now, I suppose.”
“I thought you’d want it like this,” I whispered.
“This isn’t what I want at all.” Desperation shone in his eyes. “I can’t stand being in that office and seeing you every day, knowing you aren’t mine.”
I sucked in a breath. “B-but after that night you were so quiet. You were just sitting there. I thought for sure you regretted it."
He shook his head, searching my eyes. “I was thinking about how utterly screwed I was because you had completely consumed me. I was trying to figure out what we’d need to doat the office to bypass all the ridiculous policy rules that are supposed to keep us from each other.”
“You were?” I choked out.
“Yes! Had you already forgotten everything I’d said to you? Every moment between us? I know I’m not the most emotionally intelligent person, but surely I can’t be alone in how I’m feeling.”
I licked my lips, once again struck speechless by his words and proximity.
He traced circles on my cheek with his thumb. “I can’t talk to anyone the way I can talk to you.”
“You can’t?”
He shook his head. “I’m not good at this, but you make me want to try. I can’t forget about you.”
“You can’t?”
He smirked. “Are you just going to keep repeating that?”
I gulped. “I thought I was the only one having trouble.”
