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I reached for her and clasped her hand. We pulled ourselves up, using each other as support. Anger blazed in her eyes as she spat blood. The strength quickly returned to her. She wanted to break away, to give chase.
“Wait,” I said. She looked at me. I shook my head. “Don’t go. It’s too dangerous. You shouldn’t have to go after them alone.”
“But they hurt us. They were waiting for us. I can’t let them get away with this.”
“And we won’t. But we need help. We can’t do this by ourselves.” Admitting this felt like I had to choke up my own heart, but the truth was undeniable. Willow knew it too. She stood there, gazing into the direction in which they had retreated, and then she cursed. She held out her arm and helped me to my feet. I gathered my clothes and we trudged back to the pack, our elation at having enjoyed intimacy together having faded after the attack. I had been looking forward to returning to our new bed and finding a way to be comfortable on the unfamiliar mattress, but instead we made our way to Peter’s house. Willow hammered her fists against the door and then flung it open, not caring that it was the small hours of the night. She cried out in a rasping voice. Peter emerged, his eyes filled with sleep, looking as though he had just been stolen from a dream.
“Who did this? Why are they still attacking us? I told you that this hadn’t ended. I knew that I should never have come to this place,” she was furious, and she might as well have been a dragon rather than a wolf because the words that flew from her mouth were like flames. Peter looked shocked. He brought out blankets to wrap around our scratched, bruised, naked bodies and then made some tea. He was clearly one of those people who believed that tea could cure everything, or perhaps Jessie had been and this was a lesson he had learned from his spouse. As I held the warm mug in my hands it was hard to dispute the fact. The warmth was indeed soothing.
“What happened?” Peter asked, his voice stern.
“We were coming back from the lake. Then we were attacked. They were waiting for us. They don’t want us here Dad. They still see me as an outcast. Things haven’t changed,” Willow said. She was still trembling. Angry energy ran through her body, making her leg jitter up and down. Her hair was still wet from the lake. It ran in lank strands over her shoulders, leaving a trail of wetness upon the blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders. Her eye was bruised, but her wounds would heal more swiftly than mine.
“That’s not true Willow. You’re as much a part of this pack as you ever were. You’ve always been a part of this pack,” Peter said.
Willow rolled her eyes and flung her arms in the air. “Are you really that oblivious Dad? Do you know how painful it was for me to grow up here? I was never allowed to be myself. I was never ever told that I was fine just the way I was. All of you were focused on what I didn’t have, and you know that the only reason I can shift into a wolf is because of this, right?” she said, and held the pendant in her hands. “I could lose this and all that I am goes with it. I could fling it into the lake, or I could smash it, and suddenly there would be no more wolf. If that happened would you still welcome me? Would I still be your daughter, or would I just be the failure that I was before?”
“You were never a failure Willow,” Peter said, trying to sound comforting, but his voice sounded weak. Willow’s eyes blazed with fury as she glared at Peter.
“Really Dad? Is that why Mom was always making me try some new remedy? Is that why you had me drink all those awful concoctions that almost made me vomit, or why you had me hike up to the mountain and sleep there for three nights under the full moon, or why I had to do any number of these stupid ordeals that you just couldn’t let go. The only thing you ever wanted from me was to become a wolf, but the only reason I am is because of this pendant. I’ve never been good enough for you or this pack and that hasn’t changed. I should never have come back. I was happy with Cassius. I was happy away from you all!” she shrieked, and then she rose from her chair and turned towards the door, rushing away into the night. The blanket billowed around her like a cape.
“I should go,” I said awkwardly, but Peter reached out and grabbed my hand.
“She’s done this before. She needs some time to calm down,” he said. I saw the desperation in his eyes, the yearning of a parent to make things right between him and a child. It was the same sight I had seen in the eyes of my dying father, and I had not been able to grant him his final request. I wanted to be able to do differently for Peter. I sank back into my chair and nodded silently.
“I think we’re going to need something stronger than that,” he said, and went to a cabinet, bringing out a thin bottle and two glasses. He poured out a copper colored liquid and handed the glass to me. I sipped it. It was sharp and bit down the back of my throat. It had been a long time since I had enjoyed something like this. My tongue tingled and the sensation lingered on my lips. I stared at the glass.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Peter said.
“It’s just been a while. As a vampire this stuff didn’t have any effect on me.”
“More’s the pity. It’s probably not a good thing to admit, but I don’t know how I would have gotten through life without this.” He looked at the drink, savoring it with his eyes before he took a sip. He held it in his mouth before he swallowed, and I wondered how many nights there had been like this, where he was left to try and piece together some moments of calm after an emotional storm. He then swallowed and took a long breath.
“I don’t care what anyone says, bringing a child into this world is the hardest thing anyone can ever do. You think all you need to do is love them, but it takes more than that. And just when you think you’re doing the right thing you realize it’s been wrong all along, and every time you try and make things better you end up making it worse,” he sighed.
“I’m sure that Willow will adjust. She just needs a little time.”
“Maybe, but the thing is this is the first time I’ve had to do something alone. I always had Jessie to help me before. She could always calm Willow down with one of her stories. I never had that same gift. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do. I wish that she were here. I miss her so much,” he choked on his emotions and hung his head. I wasn’t sure what to say. Thankfully, Peter continued. “Have you never gone through anything like this?”
“As a vampire I was unable to have children. It’s been the one thing in life that I haven’t experienced. Willow and I are hoping to have one of our own, but with the way the world is…”
Peter nodded. “I get it. Before Willow was born Jessie and I had long discussions about the ethics of the situation. We weren’t too concerned about vampires back then because we hadn’t had a skirmish with any nest for a long time, but obviously being a wolf comes with its own risks. Humans are spreading out more and more every year, and it seems like only a matter of time until they find us. But we decided it was worth the risk. Of course, what we didn’t realize was that things weren’t going to be like what we expected. You never realize how a kid is going to turn out, even though they’re made up of you, they still become their own person and they’re completely unpredictable.” He paused for a moment. “I want you to know that we were never ashamed of Willow, and we never tried to make her feel bad for not having a wolf. We just wanted her to know that she was a part of this pack, and we wanted her to have everything that the other wolves had. We didn’t want her to miss out on anything. I know now that we should have handled things better, but we were just trying to do our best. Nobody teaches you how to be a parent, just like nobody teaches you how to handle life. You’ll find the same thing someday.”
“I’m sure I will. You know, one of the reasons that Willow and I bonded as much as we did was because we always felt lonely. I think she just felt a little unappreciated, like instead of focusing on what made her different in a good way you only focused on what she was missing. I understand why you did things the way you did, I’m just trying to help you understand what she’s going through.”
Peter nodded. “I appreciate that. I know this can’t be easy for you to come into this home and be witness to such intense emotions. I never wanted life to be like this. All I ever wanted was for us to have a happy home, but Willow… I’m not sure she’s ever going to be able to let go of this anger. I thought maybe after Jessie died this would all be put to rest.”
“I think she will, she just needs time. We were both getting used to the idea of the living the life we had arranged for ourselves, and then suddenly that had all changed and she was back here. I think she’s a little afraid she’s going to lose the person she became away from here, and that things are just going to be the same as before she left. She reacts harshly because she’s just trying to defend us. I think that when we have trauma that comes back from a young age, we react to it as we would have back then. This is her emotions lashing out. She already feels guilty enough that she let Amara slip through her fingers, and now to be attacked like that… I sometimes think she doubts whether she is a true wolf or not.”
“She is, no matter whether she can shift or not. She’s our daughter and we love her to the world and back, and make no mistake about it, I will find these wolves who attacked you and I will make them pay. As soon as the sun rises I will go to Brandon and get him to punish these people because nobody attacks my little girl and gets away with it.”
I saw the same fire in his eyes that I sometimes saw in Willow’s, and I felt awe at the intensity of the emotion. I wondered if I would feel the same thing when I had a child, if we managed to escape the threat of Amara and these wolves. I took another sip of whiskey and then looked to the door, hoping that Willow would be aware enough to show her father some forgiveness.
“You know, I get that you want to give Willow some space, but sometimes people don’t realize what they need is connection. I think maybe you should take a leaf out of Jessie’s book and go and tell her a story.”
“But what story could I tell her?” Peter stared at me blankly.
“I’m sure you’ll think of something. You might not have realized this, but one of the biggest problems Willow had was that she felt alone. I think she might appreciate a reminder that she isn’t.”
