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“What’s going on?” he asked.
I decided there was no sense in trying to delay the inevitable. He was going to be angry with me no matter what, but I had to try and make him understand. “Dad, I’ve decided that I’m going to go and help Cassius.”
I thought he was going to erupt with anger, but instead he remained sitting and stared at me. This was somehow worse.
“I thought we agreed that you were going to stay here because it was safer for the baby?”
“No, that’s what you suggested. But I’ve been thinking about it and-”
“Willow, you do realize that you can’t just think about yourself anymore right?” he cut me off. I glared at him, my nerves being tinged with anger.
“Dad, I really need you to listen right now,” I said, and he took heed of my warning tone. “I get it, okay? I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I know on the face of it the sensible thing to do is to stay here where it’s safe and keep my baby protected. I can completely understand all your reasoning, and I even get the idea that Cassius would want us to be safe as well. But the thing is that nobody gets to make a decision for me other than myself, and I know what you’re going to say,” I held up a hand to stop him before he could speak again, “I know that I have to think about this child, and I am. The thing is that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. All I’ve been able to do while in bed is think. I’ve been thinking about the life that I’m going to have without Cassius and the stories I’m going to tell our child. When I get to this point in the story what am I going to tell them? What example am I going to set for them? I want them to know that their mother is strong and brave, and that they should always do everything they can to protect the people they love. I don’t want them to think that I have forsaken their father. When they ask me if I could have gone to fight for him what I am going to tell them? When they say that they would have wanted me to take the risk, how can I explain to them that I was just trying to put their best interest at heart? I can see them resenting me for it. I can see them blaming me for the fact that they never knew their father, and that is not a burden that I want to bear.”
“But it doesn’t have to be like that Willow. Those aren’t the only options. They might be grateful. I’m sure they’ll understand. You can’t decide what to do based on what you think your unborn child is going to think in ten or fifteen years.”
When I speak my words come out in a terse and anguished tone. “That’s not the point I’m making Dad. I’m trying to say that I want to be true to myself. I don’t want to change myself, and I don’t want to have to second guess my actions. When I tell this story to my child I want to make sure they know that I did all I could, because that’s the type of person I am. I promised Cassius that I would always fight for him and always protect him, and I’m never going to be happy unless I go after him.”
Dad stroked his jaw and looked surly. “Okay, so say you do this, then what happens? What if Amara takes you and kills you, or worse, turns you into one of them? What if Cassius is already dead and she has laid a trap for you? There are so many ways that this can go wrong Willow. I’ve only just got you back. I don’t want to lose you again.”
“I’ve thought about it Dad, believe me. I know it’s a risk. I know that it seems like the wrong play, but I just can’t live with myself if I leave Cassius there. I know he would do the same for me, and if I’m going to raise a child then I want them to be like this as well. I have to believe that they would want to do everything possible to find their father. So I’m going back to the castle. I know the chances of defeating Amara are slim, but they’re not impossible. I can do this. I can bring Cassius back.”
He stared at me for a long time. I thought he was going to chastise me for being stupid. I thought he was going to tie me to the bed and keep me in the camp until the baby was born.
I was wrong.
He wore a grim expression as he nodded. “Then I suggest that we find Brandon,” he said, and we walked out of the house. I had to have much the same conversation with Brandon, who was about as enthused as my father was. I don’t know if it was because Brandon felt as though he owed something to me, or because he had officially taken Cassius under his protection, but he agreed to bring a group of wolves with us. The castle was like a weapon for Amara and our chances of survival were slim, but I had to try and get Cassius back.
“Forgive me,” I whispered as I placed my hand on my abdomen. I truly hoped that I would not end up regretting this, and that I would not be casting my whole future into the flames.
Chapter Seventeen
Cassius
“Now fling it off,” Amara said.
“Yes, my queen,” I replied. The words scratched against the back of my throat. They were like an old reflex that had been lurking under the surface of my mind. I held the vials and the books over the edge of the castle. Gargoyles looked down at us, their stony glares judging me. I did not hear their whispers again though. The sky around us was bleak and grey, the pale sun hiding behind the perennial mists that shrouded the world. I hesitated before I opened my fingers, letting the vials drop to the abyss below. The books followed as well, the spines opening and the pages fluttering as though the wind was perusing the pages. They plummeted down and quickly disappeared into the darkness. Amara came to stand beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder. For a moment I thought she was going to push me over.
If only things could have ended that easily. Sadly, she had more plans for me.
“See, now isn’t that better? Now we don’t ever have to be troubled with that pesky potion again. It was a mistake for you to ever drink it, wasn’t it? No other vampire shall have to slake their thirst with that. Now no vampire can ever rid themselves of this gift, and you will never be mortal again.”
“No, my lady,” I said through gritted teeth. I had no doubt that she could see the sorrow in my eyes, and she likely reveled in it. Now even if I did reunite with Willow again I would be forced to live an eternal life… but that possibility seemed distant. I was sure the next time I saw Willow it would be as Amara marched me and the rest of her army (which was thankfully yet to be raised) towards her village, ready to soak the land in the blood of wolves. I shuddered at the thought, but I was glad that Willow had stayed away from the castle. I had worried that she might try and mount a rescue mission. All I wanted was for her to enjoy her life. Perhaps I could delay Amara enough so that by the time we attacked the village Willow would be dead. That might make it a little easier to stomach… just a little.
I hated what had become of me. Amara knew she had me wrapped around her little finger. There was nothing I could do to her now, not unless she let her guard down, and I wasn’t anticipating that to happen anytime soon. I had found my hell, and I found myself wishing for death to come to me.
“Now, are there any other relics or potions that we should get rid of? You’ve had enough time to peruse the library, haven’t you?” she asked.
“I can’t think of anything, my lady.”
“Hmm, well, if you do then you be sure to bring it to my attention. It was a noble cause to try and create a vault of all the knowledge of the world, but I don’t think we need to keep anything that could cause us harm. We vampires need to look out for each other. But now that this has been settled I believe it’s time for us to think about the future. We need to raise an army. It’s going to be difficult without the book you stole, and I still haven’t forgiven you for that by the way. It was hard enough to track you to that infernal world. I am going to need you to sire new vampires as well. We need to work as quickly as possible if we are to achieve the goals I have set for us. I have wasted too much time already. We must leave this world and find new vampires.”
“Are you sure there is no reasoning with you?” I asked. I received a slap for my troubles. Pain stung upon my cheek. If she had done this while I had still been a human she would have left a sunken hole in my face.
“Do not dare to try and lecture me on the ways of peace. I have seen the true nature of the world express itself again and again and again. There is only one way forward, and that is to be the strongest, to impose your will upon others, otherwise they will only try and impose their will upon you. The weak get crushed, and I will never be weak.”
Again. I heard the implied word at the end of her sentence. So much of who she had become was tied up in who she had been and what had been done to her. She had not been able to move on from it, and instead wanted to punish the world for the crimes that had been committed against her. I decided not to comment on it, having had enough punishment for the day. If she flew into a rage then she might well have thrown me off the edge of the castle and down into the chasm below. I had always been afraid of death, and that was still the case now.
But I had to try and think of some way to delay her. I couldn’t allow her to build this army, because once it became established it was going to be impossible to stop. The world would be sent into a dark age again as vampires swarmed across the land, all fueled by her ruthlessness and rage. Perhaps I could find someone to help, perhaps some of the victims would not be as helpless as she believed.
