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“There is that,” he replied, laughing softly.
“Naomi didn’t help either,” I returned to the previous subject. “She seems to have it in her mind that I’ve returned to steal Brandon away from her. I don’t have any idea what would make her think this. It’s like she doesn’t even care that I have you.”
“When some people treasure something, they think other people treasure it just as badly. It speaks to a weak mind.”
“I just worry that the longer we spend here the more things are going to be like they were when I was younger. I always hoped that life was this progressive thing, moving forward and leaving other things behind, but it always seems as though we’re anchored to our past and there’s no way to escape it.”
Cassius nodded slowly. “It can be that way sometimes, yes. The fact is we are who we are because we have been shaped by what has happened to us. The only way to escape the past completely is to outlive everyone who used to know you, but that brings with it other problems,” he replied wryly. I chuckled, and then looked around the room. My tone turned solemn.
“I can’t believe that only a short while ago we were sleeping in the castle, thinking about our future. You know, I was dreaming that we had a child and they were running through the halls of the castle, laughing happily. It made the world seem a little more colorful.”
His arm tensed around me. “Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that this happened. That castle was probably not the best place to bring up a child. The world was dying. Maybe it shouldn’t have had new life in it.”
I looked up at him. “New life is new life. It’s precious no matter where it is, and technically every world is dying if you think about it.”
“And maybe we’re just on borrowed time as well.”
Dark fear crept into his voice. It was impossible to ignore. “We’ll get through this Cassius. We’ll find a way to defeat her.”
“I know what she’s capable of Willow. I’ve seen it firsthand, and I only narrowly managed to outwit her once. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it again. I know what she must have planned for me and I’m filled with dread. I can’t remember being this scared before and the thought of bringing a child into the world, to make them vulnerable to her…”
“Are you saying you’ve changed your mind?” I asked, my words cold. It was yet another thing that Amara was taking from us.
“Not entirely, I just… perhaps it would be better if we waited until this threat was dealt with.”
“And what if it’s never dealt with Cassius? Are we supposed to put our entire lives on hold because of her?”
“I don’t know,” he said disconsolately, looking helpless.
I let the silence hang in the air for a few moments before I spoke again. “Look, this morning has been stressful and we’ve both been shaken. We shouldn’t speak about anything like this until we have clear minds. Let’s just get through the day and maybe we can talk about things tomorrow.”
He nodded, but I knew that our relationship was going to be put through a stern test. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I was not going to let our love suffer because of this. I also wasn’t going to let Amara win. I had been so close to complete happiness, but the thing I had learned about life was that there were no happy endings. Things didn’t come to a close. They kept happening in this relentless churn and if you found something good, something worthwhile, then you had to fight to keep a hold of it because otherwise it was going to fade away and nobody was ever going to let you have it for free.
Chapter Five
Cassius
Our body clocks were slightly off. We quickly learned that it wasn’t morning in this world, although it had been when we left the castle. The light began to fade and so we made our way to Peter’s home. It was a quaint place, but there was a sense of sadness about it, as though there was something missing. I wondered if Willow’s presence could help fix this feeling. Peter cut a forlorn figure without his wife by his side. I could only imagine how he felt, hating the idea of living without Willow.
Her parents had tried their best, but they had made mistakes in trying to push Willow into doing something that she had not been capable of. Their efforts had only resulted in Willow feeling inadequate. None of the remedies had worked to bring Willow’s wolf out. Only I had the pendant that worked, and now she was what her parents had always wished her to be, but I think they realized that they had lost something in the process. Instead of building trust with Willow they had only taught her that she would never be complete in their eyes unless she could embrace the wolf.
It had been hard for her to learn, and I hoped to never repeat that lesson if we had a child of our own. Of course, the thought of having one now when Amara was around… I had nightmarish visions of Amara snatching our child away from us and whispering the same promises she had whispered to me. I could not bear to have such a thing happen to my own flesh and blood. However, I tried to put these thoughts out of my mind. I knew Peter was already uneasy around me. Most of the wolves would be, and I doubted it made much difference that I was no longer a vampire. I represented something that was anathema to them, something that made their blood crawl and this was not something that could be looked past easily.
He welcomed us with eager smiles. Peter hugged Willow, and then he hugged me, somewhat awkwardly. The table was laden with plates and bowls and dishes, each of them filled with food. There were cuts of meat, loaves of bread, jam, fruit, vegetables, something that I had not seen in a long time. I had managed to subsist without food for so long, but now that I was human again I was filled with pangs of hunger. My stomach rumbled like thunder and I apologized, but they all found it funny.
“I’m still getting used to feeling things like hunger again,” I said.
“It must be so odd to be human again after so long, although I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” Peter said. He was a robust, strong man with a thick head of hair. I could see the echo of Willow in his eyes, but the years of sadness had taken their toll on him and made him look older than he actually was. It would have been nice if Jessie had still been here so that I could have gotten to know her more and perhaps seen which parts of her had been passed onto Willow. I hoped that Willow and I would be spared this sadness. Dying together would be preferable than living apart.
“No, it’s fine. I know it’s not something that everyone goes through. It has been a period of adjustment. I’m not quite sure I have worked through all the kinks yet, but I’m getting there. It’s helped to have Willow by my side. She’s why I did all this, after all.”
“And it’s very romantic,” Peter said with a wistful look on his face. “I know your mother would have liked it. She’d have loved telling the story.”
“So are you less angry at me now that I’m with a human rather than a vampire?” Willow asked. Her words were tense. If she meant it as a joke then she had misjudged her delivery. Peter averted his gaze for a moment.
“You have to admit it was quite a shock,” Peter said. “It was only natural for me to feel that way, no offence,” he turned towards me. I smiled, pretending that none had been given. “I changed my mind of course, after I learned about you. And you’re an adult now Willow. You get to make your own decisions and your own choices. You’ve made it clear that this is your life. I’m just glad that it’s brought you back to me. I’ve done a lot of thinking and I know that we weren’t the best parents to you. We tried you know, and if we made mistakes it was only because we loved you.”
“I think it’s best if we don’t talk about the past,” Willow said, looking down at her food and taking a savage bite out of a chunk of meat. I felt the tension rising and knew I had to try and soothe things. If we were going to stay here for the foreseeable future then we were going to have to try and get on well with the pack, and Willow was going to have to deal with her emotions whether she liked it or not.
