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My heart sank at his response, although I could have predicted that this would be his reaction. “Luke, it’s not just that.” I tried again, although with much less conviction than the first time. “It is about love and protection, too. I care deeply about you, and I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you because you are marrying me.”
I made sure not to tell him that I loved him, because I was afraid he might understand it in the wrong way. It’s not like we hadn’t said those words before, but before, we knew what they meant. We had always been friends, with that line being clearly visible. Then, our fathers took it upon themselves to arrange our marriage and suddenly, everything changed, even our relationship. Now, I couldn’t tell my best friend how much I loved him, because I was afraid that he would think this love had changed into something different.
Luke reached out, his hand caressing my cheek. His gaze was filled with tenderness and once again, that same sense of guilty conscience washed over me. He cared about me more than I cared about him, and in a completely different way. I was becoming convinced of that now. And I also knew that by marrying him, this would rise to the surface at some point. He would tell me how he truly felt about me, and I would have to tell him that I didn’t feel the same way about him. His heart would be broken, and we would both never be the same, yet stuck in a marriage of convenience, that was convenient for everyone else but us. The thought frightened me more than I was willing to admit.
“Nothing will happen to us,” he smiled at me reassuringly. “What happened to me was just a warning. A warning that we weren’t vigilant enough, but now we know better. We know thatsuch a thing will not happen again, as long as we stay strong together.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I told him, not because I actually felt that way, but because I could see that this was a pointless conversation.
I probably shouldn’t even have suggested it without speaking to my father first, but even if I did speak to him first, I knew what he would say as well. He would share Luke’s point of view. He would tell me to think about it, that it wasn’t worth canceling everything, that we would be additionally careful about everything, as we already had been. So, there was truly no point.
“You know I am,” he said tenderly, taking my hand into his. “We’ll get through this together, Lil. I promise you.”
I nodded, although I didn’t sound all that convincing. At that moment, there was some commotion outside the door, but it remained closed. We both glanced in that direction.
“What was that?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Adrian is in front of the door, keeping watch.”
“He’s here?” he asked, sounding disgruntled.
“Of course,” I replied. “Father has told him that he is not to leave my side for a single moment.”
Luke pouted, then turned away from me, letting go of my hand. “I don’t trust him.”
“Adrian?” I echoed, forcing him to face me again. “Why?”
“I just don’t,” he claimed, sounding even more irritated by this point.
“Father has chosen him,” I reminded him. “If Father trusts him, that means we all trust him.”
“But he is a vampire, Lilith,” he told me, staring at me straight into the eyes.
“He’s not like other vampires,” I jumped quickly to defend him. Too quickly, it seemed, because Luke picked up on it immediately.
“They’re all the same at the end of the day, Lilith,” he tried to convince me. “Just like we humans are all the same. We can try and deny it, but the truth is indisputable.”
I didn’t believe that. I was getting to know Adrian, and everything pointed in the opposite direction. We had so much in common, it turned out. He could understand my pain regarding the loss of my mother. Luke, with both of his parents still alive and well, could never. It was a pain he could never comprehend, but while Adrian was talking about what happened to his human parents, I could tell he understood. I could tell that he had been hurt in exactly the same way, and our hearts were the same like that.
But Luke could never understand. Maybe he was starting to see Adrian as a competitor. In a way, he was. He had stolen most of my thoughts. Even when I didn’t want to think about him, my mind always seemed to wander back to him, no matter what I did to prevent it. There was something about his moodiness, his mysterious life that I wanted to know more of.
“I’m comforted by the fact that as soon as we’re married, he will be gone,” Luke concluded, much to my dissatisfaction.
I hadn’t even thought about that. But he was right. The moment we were married, we wouldn’t live here anymore. Father had already bought a manor house for us, which had been renovated and remodeled, so that we would be able to move in there immediately after the wedding.
The more I thought about it, the more I knew that I didn’t want that. I still wasn’t sure whether it was because of Adrian or if he was simply the catalyst to all of these emotions inside of me, awakening more and more of my need to rebel against those who wished to live my life instead of me.
I knew where my obligations were, but at the same time, I didn’t feel like that required me to sacrifice my happiness. The two ideas clashed inside of me, creating a torrent of conflicting emotions, and I was leaning more and more towards my own happiness and less to the kingdom and my obligations as a princess.
But even with this, I still wasn’t ready to speak to my father about it. Neither was I willing to discuss it with Luke further. He had shown me where he stood. That was enough for me to know everything.
“Let’s just focus on you getting better first,” I smiled, forcing myself to take him by the hand and squeeze it gently.
He smiled back, reassured by this gesture. “Everything will be alright, Lil. You’ll see.”
I inhaled deeply, nodding. “I’m sure it will,” I agreed, mostly for the sake of agreeing. But it was painfully obvious that we didn’t see eye to eye about this.
“I’ll leave you to rest now,” I told him, getting up.
