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“It’snottrue. Woo Hyemi’s father has promised to make a sizable investment.” There’s a significant pause. “With the caveat that his daughter debuts as an idol.”
The whole picture is starting to come together. Why Hyemi’s involvement is so integral to ASAP’s success—her father isbankrolling her debut—and why, to secure his investment, the showcase needs to occur as soon as possible.
“Is she talented?” I ask. “Can she sing?”
“Her father assures me she can.”
I raise a single eyebrow at that, a trait I ironically picked up from her.
“Sori, I’m already under enough stress as it is.” She presses her fingers to the sides of her temples, massaging the skin there. “You’re the only person I can trust with this.”
Warmth floods my chest, that she would trust me with something so important.
“We acquired Dream Music knowing they already had plans to form a girl group. It just so happens that Woo Hyemi would make a wonderful addition. You, as well. You’re soon to be nineteen, the perfect age to debut.”
I have to tell her. I can’t put it off any longer. It’s now or never. “There’s something I need to tell you. I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid...”Of disappointing you. Of making you feel as if I was taking away your dream, for the second time.“The truth is I don’t want to debut anymore.”
My mother blinks slowly. “What?”
I’m more certain now than ever. If my mind hadn’t already been made up, the churning of my gut since I walked into the room tells me everything I need to know.
“But I think I can still help Hyemi,” I quickly go on. “In fact, IknowI can, and I’ll be in a better position to help her if I’m not debuting myself, as I can concentrate entirely on her.”
But my mother’s already shaking her head. “Sori, you’re beingrash. Even with the truncated timeline, this is still an opportunity of a lifetime. So many young girls would give anything for the same chance.”
“I know all that, and Istilldon’t want it. This isn’t a decision I came to overnight. How can you believe that of me, when I’ve been training to become an idol for practically my whole life?”
“I can’t just let you make this decision on your own. How do you know if this is what you really want?”
“I know it’s what Idon’twant.”
I take a deep breath, gearing up for what I’m about to say next. “Sometimes I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions, with you on one side, and Abeoji on the other, and the pressure of that can be... a lot sometimes. I don’t know what it is I wantyet, but I want to be able to choose for myself.” It’s the most honest I’ve been with my mother in months, maybe years. I always go along with what either she or my father wants, not wishing to pull on the already tenuous threads of our family, but I needed to say this, for myself.
“I can’t speak for your father,” my mother says slowly, “but if you manage to do this—and it won’t be easy—like I said, Hyemi hasn’t any formal training and there’s also the matter of introducing her to the public—it will prove to me you’re responsible enough to decide what you want for your own life. I won’t stand in the way of that. In fact, I’ll even support you. Financially.”
Then she adds, as if it’s an afterthought, “In all the ways a mother can.”
That couldn’t have been easy for her, as someone who’s as rigidin her work life as she is in her family life. And maybe this conversation would have gone a lot differently if she also didn’t need me to help Hyemi. But I’m grateful that she’s managed to meet me halfway.
“Then it’s a deal,” I say. “I’ll make Hyemi debut-ready in two weeks.”
“Thank you, Sori.” She pats me on the shoulder. “Let’s have a meal together soon.”
My heart lightens at the prospect. It’s been a while since we shared a meal, just the two of us. “I’d like that.”
On our way back to Hyemi, my mother’s phone lights up. As she moves to take the call, I approach Hyemi on my own. She pulls out her earbuds, standing up from her seat. I catch a few bars of the B side of XOXO’s latest single before it cuts off.
“Hi,” I say in English, nervous now that it’s just the two of us. We’ll be spending a lot of time together, if I’m to help her debut, and I want her to feel comfortable with me. I want her to trust me. “Do you—” I begin, intending to ask her if she likes the single.
I’m interrupted by a knock at the door. A head of highlighter blue pops through the gap.
“Sori-nuna?”
“Choi Youngmin?” I say. I haven’t seen XOXO’s maknae since the summer, as he’d gone back to the hotel in New York City after the concert.
“I thought I heard your voice.” Youngmin swings the door wide.
“What are you doing here?” I laugh, as he reaches me, wrapping me in a hug. He was always the most affectionate of themembers, maybe because he’s the youngest. Though, in six months, he’s grown a bit taller, and I can’t help noticing that his chest is rather... sturdy. I feel myself blushing a little.
