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“Producer Nathaniel,” I say, once it finishes playing for the second time. “What made you want to produce?”
He leans back against the console. “Maybe it’s because I come from a big family, or because I’m part of an idol group, but sometimes I want to create something that’s just my own.”
I’d never thought he felt this way, but it makes sense; how, though he has a family that loves him and members that support him, he’d want to have his own accomplishments, be judged on his own merits.
“I can understand why you’d see yourself as part of a group,” I say. “I see myself as my mother’s daughter. For what it’s worth, I’ve always seen you for you.” Although he’s a part of XOXO, he’s stood apart to me, the only one I see.
I look away, embarrassed at the turn of my thoughts.
“I’m envious, though. You’re passionate about so many things, not just with XOXO and your family but also music producing and your university class. I seem to be lacking in not only passion but direction. Even helping Hyemi, I don’t know if I’m the best person for the job.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” Nathaniel says. “Who’s better suited to help Hyemi than you? Someone who’s grown up in this industry. Maybe you can’t make Hyemi into an idol like those who’ve trained for ten years, but you’re helping make the transition for her as smooth as possible. And maybe while working with her, you’ll find something youareinterested in.”
“Gi Taek and Angela think I’d make a great stylist or dance instructor,” I quip.
“You would,” Nathaniel says seriously, his voice intent. “But I think there’s something else for you. Something better for you.”
Nathaniel’s eyes are dark as he looks down at me where I sit at the edge of the chair.
The way he looks at me. The way he makes me feel. His belief in me. It’s like a drug, heady and intoxicating. My limbs feel weak and yet my blood runs hot, and all I want to do is reach up and bring his face closer to mine, until there’s nothing left between us.
“Nathaniel?”
A woman stands in the doorway. I’ve been so absorbed in him and our conversation that I hadn’t even noticed the arrival of another person.
I recognize her—Naseol, the lead singer of KS’s third-generation girl group. She must be the artist Nathaniel’s collaborating with.
I stand and bow, which Naseol returns politely.
“This is my friend...” Nathaniel introduces me.
“Min Sori, right? The model from last night’s episode ofCatch Me If You Can.I was rooting for Team Delinquents, by the way.” She winks. “No wonder you two have such great chemistry...”
Neither Nathaniel nor I move. Had she seen something between us?
“You’re friends in real life. Did you invite her to the studio, Jihyuk-ah?”
“I came with my father,” I hurriedly explain. “He’s... anacquaintance of CEO Cha. Actually, they’re both waiting for me. I should probably go.”
“Ah, I see,” she says, and she truly looks regretful. “It was nice meeting you.”
Later, sitting with my father and CEO Cha, listening to them discuss business and the innumerous accomplishments of CEO Cha’s nephew, I think of Nathaniel and Naseol in the studio, and how I wish I was with them instead.
Twenty-two
After Hyemi returns from filming ASAP’s music video, we spend basically sunup to sundown at Joah perfecting the choreography. I work with not only Hyemi but the other members as well, making sure they’re eating properly and getting enough rest. Their showcase is scheduled for Friday in the evening, after the release of ASAP’s first single, “Wake Up.” I mark the days on my calendar, crossing them off one by one; Saturday passes, then Sunday and Monday.
Besides working with the members, I also assist Director Ryu, who’s subsisting solely on adrenaline and caffeine at this point. She has a whole team to help her, so I spend most of my time running to cafés within a three-hundred-meter radius of Joah to sustain the team members. I don’t complain. It’s an honor just to see Director Ryu and her team at work.
A huge vision board takes up the majority of the wall space in Director Ryu’s office, and sometimes I stand in front of it in awe, studying all the details that went into the creation of ASAP. She’s thought of everything, down to each individual member’s hair color and their astrological and zodiac signs.
She’s the person who signs off on their final outfit selections—brought to her by a team of stylists—including hair accessories and footwear, as well as overseeing the final edits for ASAP’s debut documentary, which will go live next week after their singlerelease. The last episode will air before their full EP drops at the end of this month.
I might not be debuting as a member of ASAP, but working with the girls and Director Ryu, I feel like I’m part of a team.
With how busy I’ve been at Joah, I’d have thought that other aspects of my life might suffer, but that isn’t the case. Every evening at six, I leave the company. Just like I tell the ASAP members, I also need to rest, and life outside work is just,if not more, important.
Getting off at my bus stop Tuesday night, I round the corner to see the bright lights of my local convenience store. Nathaniel waits for me at one of the tables outside, as he has been since last week. He’s sipping from a canned drink, a book in hand. My gaze moves to where he’s left the bottle of my favorite grape juice on the table.
