AllFreeNovel
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I take a deep breath, thinking of what I would want to hear if I were in Sun Ye’s shoes. Director Ryu asked me specifically to speak with her for a reason.I think you might understand her better than anyone else.
“We’ve been here the longest, you and I. This industry isn’t easy, and it’s always tougher on girls. Strangers judge us because we’re too old, because we’re too fat, because we’re too smart, but that’s whythis industryneeds you, so that people can look at youand see how beautiful and talented you are. How stubborn and insecure—”
“I thought you were complimenting me,” Sun Ye sniffs.
“And realize that maybe you’re not the most perfect idol in the world but that doesn’t mean you’re not perfect for the fan who will need you the most.”
As a fan myself, that’s howIfeel. It’s the feeling of when you connect to that one special person in a group and they become a comfort to you, someone you can admire from afar and cheer on. After today, Sun Ye will become that person for so many people, as will Hyemi and the other ASAP members.
“You’re going to bring so much joy and comfort to thousands of people,” I say. “Maybe even millions. That’s what being an idolis.”
“My makeup is all messed up,” Sun Ye says, dabbing a tissue at her eyes.
“We’ll get one of the makeup artists in here,” I reassure her. “I saw at least five in the hall just now.”
“Thanks, Sori-yah. You would have made a great idol, you know.”
“Maybe. But I think I’m a little too selfish. I want to make myself happy first, and I want to give myself only to a few people, not everyone.”
For a long time, I thought I was the opposite, that I wanted to bring joy to as many people as possible, because then they would love me in return. But I realized that’s not me. I’m content being loved and appreciated by the few people who I love and appreciate. That’s enough for me.
Sun Ye takes my hand, squeezing. “The people you give yourself to are lucky, Min Sori.”
I call one of the makeup artists into the room and wait until Sun Ye is ready before following her out.
The other ASAP members have already headed to the stage, so I make my way to the back of the arena, where I’ll be able to watch the stage with the rest of the audience. Icouldwatch from one of the monitors backstage, but I want to experience the performance, as if I were one of the fans. Because I am.
On my way, I catch sight of Hyemi’s father seated among other important-looking people in business suits, my mother among them. Like before, I notice the dark circles beneath her eyes, though she’s managed to cover them well with concealer. Has Hyemi’s father signed the contract? If he hasn’t already, then tomorrow, for sure.
The MC walks onstage to welcome the audience. ASAP will perform two songs during the showcase, their title track and their B side, a mellow pop song called “Blue Heart.”
The back part of the stage opens, revealing all six members standing together—as a group, they create a beautiful silhouette. Then the first notes of “Wake Up” begin to play and the audience erupts into cheers.
At first, I’m nervous, but it soon becomes clear that all their hard work paid off because their movements are clean, as if they’ve danced this choreography hundreds of times, because they have. They transform on stage, leaving behind all their insecurities and worries. Sun Ye gives no hint that she was crying only minutesbefore, her expression fearless. Timid, sweet Jiyoo is a monster with the choreography, attacking every move, and Hyemi...
Hyemi is a flirt! Sheteasesthe audience, her eye contact with the cameras unparalleled, her confidence mesmerizing.
Like the crowd, I’m entirely swept away with their performance.
Staring at the ASAP members, I search my heart for any lingering feelings I might have over my decision not to debut. I told Sun Ye I didn’t want to be an idol, but is there a part of me that wishes I’d stuck to that path, that feels... regret?
The answer comes to me, clear and without doubt: I don’t.
All I feel is happiness for the girls, and pride in myself, that I helped get Hyemi this far. And I know that even if I’m notinthe group, I’ll be a part of ASAP forever.
The happiness spreads outward, and it feels almost like a presence around me, echoed back to me by the energy of the crowd.
It rises within me like a wave, a feeling so powerful it makesmefeel powerful, like I can have everything—a career that gives me purpose, friends that give me strength, and Nathaniel. I can have him, as well.
At the end of the performance, when the audience cheers, I think my voice might be the loudest.
Twenty-six
“Surprise!”
The girls burst into tears, walking into the restaurant beneath the loud sounds of poppers and party blowers, and enthusiastic clapping and cheers from the staff. Pink and gold streamers cascade around them, catching in their hair. They’ve changed out of their concert outfits into casual clothing, oversized sweatpants and hoodies. When they see that everyone in the room is wearing T-shirts emblazoned with “ASAP’s Debut Showcase” and the date, they cry even harder.
I make eye contact with a junior staff member and together we hurry to the back of the room to light the candles on the custom cake—a beautiful, two-tiered cake with blue and pink piped flowers and “Congratulations” in white lettering along the top. As we bring it out, the crew sings “Happy Birthday.”
