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“You came with Woo Hyemi,” I say.
“Hyemi’s a nice girl.” He has one elbow balanced on the windowsill as he gazes out toward the river. “She’s having a hard time right now. It’s not just all of the negative attention, she’s away from her family, her mother and sister. Her father, a lot of the time. She’s a foreigner in a country that should feel like home, but sometimes feels far from it. I can relate to that.”
I hadn’t thought of the similarities between them. “I’m glad she has you to talk to.” Regardless of my own insecurities, Iamglad. I haven’t been able to help Hyemi since the scandal broke. At least, not in any visible ways. But he has. He’s given her a shoulder to lean on when she’s needed it the most.
“Yeah, well, it’s also great that apparently hanging out with her makes you jealous.”
“I’m not jealous!”
He laughs. “Whatever you say.”
“Was it wise to bring her out here?” I frown. “People might write articles about you and her tomorrow.”
“You’re one to talk.”
I blush.
“The irony.” His eyes slide to me. “You escape scandal with me, only to get embroiled in one with Youngmin. A younger man, Min Sori?”
He’s teasing, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Hyemi and I are friends,” he says, his gaze moving back towardthe window. “They can write an article about that, if they want. I wanted to see the sunset, just like everyone else.”
He looks so unhappy. That sadness, I put it there. He’d be happy if it weren’t for me.
The sun sets over Seoul, gilding a golden path on the river.
“I want to be honest with you,” I say, drawing his gaze.
“You were right. I don’t care what people say about me. On the internet or to my face. If it was just me, I could endure it. I could endure most anything...”To be with you.
I take a deep breath. “But it’s not just me. My mother... I have to consider how my actions affect her. Two years ago, she asked me to promise her that I’d break it off with you...
“It’s true that I was afraid of how our scandal might affect any future career that I might want, or how it might affect you and the other XOXO members, but that wasn’t why I made that promise.
“I made it forher.”
Joah means everything to my mother. I’ve known this since I was a little girl. It gave her purpose after she became pregnant with me; it became herlifeafter her marriage fell apart.
“Maybe a scandal of mine won’t ruin the company, but there’s always that possibility, the fear of being the reason she loses everything.”
Nathaniel had dropped his head while I was speaking. He lifts it now. “I can’t accept that you’d push me away to protect me...” he says slowly, and my heart fills with anguish. “But I can accept that you would for your mother.” I catch my breath. “It’s always beenyou and her, hasn’t it?” His voice is soft, tender. “Looking out for each other. Protecting each other.”
Nathaniel smiles at me, his expression rueful. “This is it, huh? Damn.” He rakes his hand through his hair.
Then he edges forward. “I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you before. I didn’t understand until now. I won’t make you waver any longer. If this is the end, I wanted to tell you, at least once...”
We’ve reached the very top of the Ferris wheel; the sun bathes our carriage in golden light.
“I love you.”
Thirty-four
I get ready for the EBC Awards at Soobin and RALA’s studio. My black Saint Laurent gown, on loan from the designer, is sleeveless, with a fitted bodice tailored to my exact proportions. It tapers at the waist, flaring slightly at the hips before dropping down to the floor. The long split that ends halfway up my thigh allows for movement, even if it’s admittedly a bit... scandalous.
I decide not to wear a necklace, leaving my shoulders and décolletage bare. The only jewelry I wear is pearl drop earrings. As for shoes, I choose stilettos.
Soobin has already blown out my hair so that it falls in waves luxuriously over my shoulders, and RALA has executed a sultry nighttime look with winged eyeliner and a matte red lipstick, which leaves only getting dressed. Afterward, Soobin and RALA take photos of me on the balcony, where the lighting, in the hour before sunset, is the best.
