Page 98 of ASAP


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Maybe I thought the only way to save Joah was to follow the path my father laid out for me.

But he’s not the only parent in my life who’s given me a path to follow.

“Donghyun-ssi,” I say, “about the question you asked me the other night. I’m afraid that I can’t give you the answer you might have hoped for.”

Donghyun sighs, then nods. “I understand.”

I wonder if he’ll mention Nathaniel, that it’s clear where my heart lies. But he only smiles. “Even if it was only for a little while, I enjoyed our time together. Let’s meet again in the future, as friends.”

“I would love that,” I say, happy, at last, to speak the truth.

It only takes me a few minutes to find her. She’s sequestered in her own private room, with Secretary Park standing on guard outside the door.

“Sori?” My mother stands up from the couch when I enter. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say. “I just wanted to see you. Before your big moment.”

She laughs, sitting back down. “I feel like a bride again. I’m even wearing the shoes.” She lifts the hem of her pants, showing off her pumps.

“Was your wedding day like today?”

“No. I was a bit of a pariah. A lot of my friends didn’t want to associate with me after my scandal. But I had a few guests. Jin-rang, of course, and my group mates. So much has happened since then.”

“Was it very hard?” I ask quietly. I don’t have to elaborate on what I mean: Was it hard to give up her dream after becoming pregnant with me? Was it hard being stuck in a loveless marriage?

“Yes, but there’s not a moment of my life that I regret. Because of it, I have a career that I’m proud of. Because of it, I have you.

“I would walk the same path every lifetime, if I knew that at the end of it, you were waiting for me.”

My eyes fill with tears that threaten to spill.

“I was watching you earlier when you were on stage. I’m so proud of you, Sori. When you came to me saying you didn’t want to be an idol but wanted to forge your own path, you reminded me so much of myself. And since then, I’ve watched how hard you’ve worked to help Hyemi, how much time and energy you’ve spent with the ASAP girls and Jin-rang’s team. You’re so smart and strong-willed, everything I hoped you would be.”

Reaching out, she takes my hand. “I’m sorry I haven’t beenaround as much, but I want to change that. I want to be there for you when you need me. You can always rely on me. You know that, right?”

I nod. I do know that. Ihadknown that. All my life I’ve relied on her, even whenshewas the one who needed protection.

Secretary Park knocks on the door before opening it slightly. “It’s almost time.”

“I’ll let you get ready,” I say, slipping outside, afraid that if I stay, I’ll cry all over her beautiful suit.

Outside, I find Director Ryu waiting backstage. “Are you presenting the Trailblazer Award to my mother?”

“I am,” she says, tilting her head to study me, her eyes glinting curiously.

“Would you mind if I—?”

“Ohyes,” she says. “Please, I despise public speaking. Honestly, I should have thought of that myself. The award will be more meaningful coming from you, anyway.”

I bite my lip, nervous now that I’ve made this impromptu decision.

“Good luck!” Director Ryu says, raising both fists in the air.

I walk onto the stage for the last time. Murmuring sweeps through the crowd at my appearance, Nathaniel and I having already said our goodbyes. I briefly wonder if the show’s PD will be upset with the last-minute schedule change but push that thought to the back of my mind.

I reach the podium. Finding the teleprompter, I start to read aloud, “The Trailblazer Award is given to an individual who has changed this industry in a significant way, opening up new pathways for others to follow.”

I go on to list my mother’s achievements. It takes me five whole minutes to list them all.

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