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I could have added more to that, noting how things had gone down for Violet and me, but I didn’t trust myself. It was possible if I started talking about her, about how we found out she was pregnant with Rhys and immediately decided to get married, I might set myself up for a bad day at work. It was much safer to lock Violet away in my heart and mind, burying the possibility of losing my hold on my emotions at the same time.
“So, Rhys is doing well. What about you? How are you managing?” Avalon questioned me, the sympathetic tone evident in her voice.
Were there any words that could even come close to explaining how I was doing? I had not a clue, but that might have been because I wasn’t sure I knew how I was really doing. On the surface, I guess I was doing alright. I mean, I was back at work and trying to figure out the whole single parent thing. But I’d have been lying if I said that I didn’t have days when I missed Violet like crazy, nights when I struggled to fall asleep as so many of the memories I had with her plagued my mind.
Just as I was about to respond to Avalon’s question, I felt and noticed movement off to my left side.
My eyes went in that direction, and that’s when I realized someone had already been in the office long before I walked in this morning. I had been so focused on talking to Avalon about any suggestions she might have had for adaycare solution for Rhys that I didn’t pay attention to who was sitting in the waiting area when I walked in.
I hated to think my skills were slipping, that I might not be able to do my job properly, because I was so distracted by all of the unexpected changes in my life.
A woman had walked up, and after offering me an apologetic look, she shifted her focus to Avalon and said, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m all finished with this.”
I took a step back to make room for the woman, and for some reason, I couldn’t seem to look away from her. Something hit me in the center of my chest at the sight of this woman. She was shorter than my six-foot frame by about six or seven inches. She had long, straight, dark brown hair with a set of cobalt blue eyes. Her lips, nose, and cheekbones could only be described as soft and delicate. Gorgeous, even.
It was at that thought when a wave of guilt washed over me. How could I do that? How could I have just looked at a woman the way I looked at this woman?
She wasn’t Violet.
She wasn’t my wife.
And yet, my eyes were focused on her in a way they hadn’t focused on any woman since Violet.
I hated the way it was making me feel.
Guilty.
So fucking guilty.
Fortunately, nobody seemed to notice the stress and turmoil I was in, since Avalon immediately piped up and responded. She reached her hand out to take the clipboard from the woman and said, “It’s no problem at all, Lamise. Did you have any trouble with the application?”
Lamise shook her head. “No. No, it was all pretty self-explanatory.”
“Great. Well, like I said when you first came in this morning, we don’t currently have any job openings, but we will keep your application on file for a year in case something does pop up,” Avalon explained.
I wasn’t sure if Avalon picked up on it, but I couldn’t miss the sound of desperation in the woman’s voice when she returned, “Yes, please. Anything at all. I’d be grateful for the opportunity to be interviewed and considered.”
“We will absolutely do that. If there’s a position that works with your credentials and seems like it could be a good fit, I’ll be certain to call you,” Avalon assured her.
“Even if it’s not a position that aligns with my credentials, I’d be interested. Well, I mean, other than the stuff I’m not qualified to do, but I’m sure you know what I mean. I just… I want to make sure you know that I’m not picky. Honestly, I don’t care what it is. I’ll fetch coffee, if that’s what I’ve got to do. Or, well, it’s not exactly something I listed on there, but I’ve got the skills as a homemaker, so I can clean, too. Not that I’m saying this office is a mess or could use a cleaning. I’m just putting it out there.”
While it might have been easy to mistake all that Lamise had just shared as her being a little overzealous, I had a feeling that wasn’t all there was to it. There was something else lingering there.
Part of me was proud of myself for being able to notice it. I had wondered how my skills I’d relied on for so long in my line of work would hold up after all that I’d been through and the time I’d taken off to grieve. Considering I’d been questioning them just moments ago when I realized I hadn’t even noticed Lamise was here, this felt good. Apparently, I hadn’t lost all of my observation skills.
But there was the other part of me that forced me to consider if this was really about my ability to assess aperson or situation and not about this woman, the woman I still hadn’t managed to tear my eyes away from.
Avalon let out a laugh and promised, “I’ll be sure to make note of that, and we’ll definitely keep you in mind.”
Lamise offered one final nod and said, “Thank you again, Avalon. It was lovely to meet you.”
“You, too, Lamise. Have a great day.”
Seemingly unable to do anything else, I watched as Lamise turned around and walked toward the exit. I kept my eyes on her as she walked through the door and outside.
“Bummer.”
Hearing that single word from Avalon, I begrudgingly tore my gaze from Lamise and spun around to face my friend. “What?”
