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My son smiled as both of his hands, clenched in tiny little fists, started moving toward his mouth. He was ready to eat. Again.
I crossed the room, moving toward them, and lifted him in my arms. Just holding him made everything feel a little less heavy. After kissing his chubby cheek and neck, I asked, “Are you hungry, little man?”
Rhys didn’t respond with words. Instead, he shoved his fists in his mouth, giving me my answer.
My mom stood from the couch and declared, “He’salways hungry, because he’s growing too quickly. I’ll get him his bottle.”
She wasn’t wrong about that. It felt like he was just born yesterday. Now, he’d put on quite a few pounds, filled out his clothes better, and his face, arms, and legs were certainly of the chunky variety. The kid was thriving, and it was one thing I could be proud of in all that had happened ever since he was born.
I took a step back and allowed my mom to pass, so she could make her way out into the kitchen ahead of us. As she moved, she said, “I hope you have a few minutes to spare this morning before you leave for work, because I need to talk to you about something important, Banks.”
Part of me wondered if my mom already knew about the arrangement I had at the office. Or maybe it wasn’t necessarily an arrangement so much as it was an understanding. They had no expectations of me when it came to returning to work and doing the job I loved to do. After Violet died, they did what they could to support me completely, only asking that I take the time I needed to grieve and heal before coming back.
Considering how much I’d kept hidden from all of them when it came to my personal life, I appreciated it more than I would have ever been able to tell them.
As it was, I’d kept my private life just that—private. Nobody knew when Violet and I had gotten together. They didn’t know when things had turned serious between us, and I hadn’t shared the news of my marriage until Rhys was born.
Things happened quickly between Violet and me, but it was our journey, one I loved being a part of. Nobody else needed to know about the things I wanted to keep between the two of us.
But a baby changed things, and there wasn’t a chance I’d want to keep the people closest to me from being in our lives and his, no matter how private a person I was by nature. At that point, Violet and I were solid in our relationship, and Rhys was a beautiful addition to our lives.
When we made it to the kitchen, I replied, “Yeah, I’ve got time. There’s nothing particularly pressing happening at work for me at the moment.”
“That makes me feel marginally better about telling you this then,” my mom returned.
Immediately, I grew concerned. “What’s going on?”
As soon as she had Rhys’s bottle in the warmer, she turned around to face me and offered a sympathetic look. “I tried to put this off as long as I could, but I’m afraid I can’t prolong it much more.”
The second the words were out of her mouth, I understood where the conversation was heading. “Your knees,” I guessed.
She nodded. “I canceled the surgery back in the fall, because there was no way you could have gotten through this without some help. And I wouldn’t change it for anything. Being with this little guy every day is honestly my greatest joy. But the pain has gotten so bad in my knees, I need to have them done now. In fact, as each day passes, I want it even more, because one day, he’ll be up and running around, and I’ll want to chase after him. There’s not a chance I can do it now when I’m in this much pain.”
I nodded my understanding, feeling bad she’d put off doing what she needed to do for so long. “I get it. It’s okay.”
My mom needed to have both of her knees replaced. As she’d just reminded me, she’d had the surgery scheduled for last fall, but Violet died a week before she was set to have the procedure done. My mom couldn’t go throughwith it, knowing what I was dealing with, so she canceled the surgery. Too much was happening, everything was spiraling out of control, and there’s no telling how Rhys and I would have made it through without her love and support.
“Are you sure? I feel horrible about this, because it’s not going to just be the day of the surgery that I’ll be unable to come here. The recovery time is going to be months, and I won’t be able to watch him at all during that time,” she explained.
“I’m sure. Don’t worry about it.”
Seemingly frustrated, my mom shook her head in disgust. “If he was still an infant, I’d have your dad take off from work for a bit longer, and we’d work it out together, but at his age now, he’s going to start crawling around everywhere. It’s too risky for him, and I’m not willing to put him in a dangerous or uncertain situation.”
Feeling beyond grateful for everything she’d done for the two of us and still holding my son in my arms, I moved toward her and wrapped an arm around her back, my hand landing on her opposite shoulder. “It’s okay,” I insisted.
Tears filled her eyes as her attention shifted between Rhys and me. “I feel awful about this.”
Shaking my head, I ordered, “Don’t. You’ve been taking care of us for long enough. It’s time for you to take care of yourself.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked. “You can’t take him with you to work.”
It was at that moment when the bottle warmer started beeping to indicate it was ready. My mom pulled it out, tested it, and Rhys started squirming uncontrollably in my arms the second he spotted it.
“Hold on, boy. We know you’re hungry,” I told him.
Rhys didn’t listen. He reached his hands out as his grandma moved toward him. My mom held the bottle out, and I took it from her, Rhys getting his hands on it nearly at the same time. Once he had it in his mouth and was happily eating, I returned my attention to my mom. “I don’t have an immediate solution, but I’ll start working on one. This wasn’t supposed to be a long-term thing for you anyway. You’re supposed to be his grandmother, not his full-time caretaker.”
“I’d do anything for him, though,” she reasoned, seeming slightly offended that I’d even think to suggest he was a burden on her.
