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Several long moments of silence passed between us. I started to think that perhaps the conversation was over, and Tabitha had said all she was going to say about it. Then she asked, “So, you’re just friends?”
“What? Yes. Of course.”
She cocked a brow. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“But you told him about Graham and Henry.”
Nodding, I confirmed, “I did. We were both in a very emotional state, and after he shared, I wanted to do the same.”
“After a week of knowing him,” she pointed out.
I had to admit, that was the one thing that seemed strange to me. I barely knew Banks, and yet, I didn’t hesitate to open up to him about Graham. It made no sense, so I tried not to think about that too much.
“I know, Tab. But you had to be there. I can’t explain it. And I know what you’re hinting at, but you’re off base. There’s nothing going on. We’re just able to understand each other in a way that others can’t. That’s all.”
Another lengthy pause ensued, and I tried to tell myself it was because Tabitha was busying herself with getting out of the blue dress to put on another one from the stack. Though she was doing that, deep down, I knew her silencewas about something else, something that she’d eventually share with me. And since I wasn’t sure I was ready for whatever that would be, I pretended to busy myself with pulling the next dress for her to try on off the hanger.
Once Tabitha took that dress from me, stepped into it, and slid it up her body, she asked, “Have you thought about it?”
“About what?”
“Moving on.”
“Of course. That’s what I’ve been trying to do since that day I found Graham’s phone,” I shared.
Tabitha shook her head. “I’m not talking about moving on with your life, in general. I mean, romantically. Do you ever think about the possibility of falling in love again?”
I didn’t know what to say.
Tabitha’s question was a loaded one, and any honest answer I could have given felt like a betrayal. To say I hadn’t thought about falling in love again would have been a lie. Months ago, I’d thought about it, but not in a way where I believed it was a possibility. It was more about wondering how I’d go the rest of my life being alone without anyone to love like I loved Graham.
Of course, once I had that thought, I realized I didn’twantto love anyone else like I loved Graham. Though I didn’t believe it was an actual possibility, I felt like I’d be being disloyal to him in some way, if I moved on like that.
Truthfully, I hadn’t considered it much beyond those thoughts.
But now, I wasn’t so sure.
Now, when I’d driven myself here to meet up with Tabitha and had to spend the entire drive trying to forget the feel of Banks’s hands on my hips.
“It’s so complicated,” I murmured.
“Complicated?” she repeated.
“I love Graham. I’ll always love him. And a few months after he passed, the thought of being alone for the rest of my life popped into my head. So, I guess I thought about the possibility of another relationship. But it all felt wrong to consider that.”
“And now?”
I sent a look her way that I hoped indicated how much I was struggling to know what the right thing was to say. “If I’ve learned anything while working as a nanny these last three weeks, it’s that I don’t want to be alone. I’m happier when I’m working, because I’m not alone.”
Understanding and a bit of sympathy washed over her. “Do you think it’s simply being around other people, or do you think it’s the people you’re with right now that are making you feel that way?”
I huffed and murmured, “The million-dollar question.”
Tabitha moved toward me, so I could zip up the dress. When she straightened up in front of me and spun around, I said, “I think that’s the one.”
She looked at herself in the mirror. “I think you might be right. And in an effort not to make this more difficult, I’m not trying on another one.”
