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“I know that. Trust me, I know there isn’t anything on this earth you wouldn’t do to see that he had everything he needed,” I assured her. “And that’s why you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do right now to take care of yourself. You need to make sure you can run around with him once he starts doing that.”
Nodding, she wiped away the tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. “They want to schedule the surgery a week from this coming Monday. I wanted to check with you first and make sure you’ll be able to have something figured out by then.”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“He’s my son, Mom. I’ll get it figured out one way or another. If there was something truly pressing at work that needed to be handled, and I couldn’t get anything arranged before I was needed on something there, I’d take him and let him hang with Avalon. I’m sure she’ll have no problem watching him for me for an hour, if necessary. But starting today, I’ll start doing some research on child-care options.”
She sighed, lifting her finger up to the side of hisface and brushing it gently down his cheek. “I hate to think about him not having someone’s undivided attention, if he goes to daycare.”
I couldn’t say I disagreed.
It had been one of the things Violet and I had discussed at length before Rhys was born. She was going to stay home with him, because it was what we both felt would be best for him. Fortunately, we had been in a position to do that.
Now, things were different. Violet and I weren’t going to be raising Rhys together. I was a single father. I had to do it on my own now. Unfortunately, that meant I had some tough choices to make.
“I know. Me, too. But he’ll be alright. And you know I’m not going to just stick him anywhere. If I find a place that I think will be a good fit for us, I’m going to do my research. I’ll even get either Jax or Blaze to do a little private investigation work beforehand, just to be on the safe side.”
“I feel guilty,” she murmured.
“Don’t. You need to do this, and you’ve already gone beyond the call of duty for us by canceling this surgery once. Take the appointment, and get it done. I promise it’s all going to work out.”
Whether she knew I wasn’t going to allow her to put this off any longer, especially since I knew how much pain she was in, or if she finally believed what I was telling her, my mom acquiesced. “Okay. I’ll call when he goes down for a nap and get myself on the schedule.”
“Good.”
Her eyes roamed over my face for a long time. “You’re doing good, Banks. I’m really proud of the way you’ve stepped up for your son. I know how difficult this has been for you, and I think you should know you’re doing an excellent job. Violet would be proud of you.”
Just like that, my emotions clogged my throat. There were so many feelings I had about how I was doing as a father and what Violet would have done differently for Rhys. Sadly, she wasn’t here to give me that input. She couldn’t tell me what the right thing was for me to do in every situation for our son, so to hear my mom tell me she believed Violet would have been proud felt good, even as it saddened me.
She should have been here. She was missing everything.
Not wanting to send myself spiraling, I dipped my chin and rasped, “Thanks, Mom.”
She offered a half-hearted smile and held out her hands. “I’ll take him, so you can get going.”
I bent my head down, kissed the top of my son’s head, and placed him in my mother’s arms. After, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and said, “I’ll see you later this afternoon. Call me if either of you needs anything.”
“We will.”
I gave Rhys another kiss, and a moment later, I was out the door and on my way to work, feeling nothing but despair, wondering how I was going to bring myself to put my kid in a place I knew his mom and I never wanted him to be.
TWO
Lamise
It had been three days since I’d found Graham’s phone and watched his video.
Three days of trying to make sense of everything he said and all that he didn’t say.
Three days of feeling myself and my emotions slipping into something I couldn’t begin to describe.
Because I felt as though I was all over the place.
I’d grieved for Graham for months. I went through the heartbreak and devastation. I’d cried countless tears and used more tissues in a matter of weeks than I’d used in nearly twenty-eight years of life.
And just when I thought I’d had a breakthrough and was finally ready to start trying to pick up the pieces and move on with my life, I had to find his phone in that box.
