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Pure perfection.
All of the emotions I felt—the safety, comfort, and attraction—pulled me in. I was lost to them, loving all of it.
Until it happened.
The moment I moaned, a sign I was eager for more, torment and guilt speared through me. I loved what I was experiencing with Banks. Loved it.
But was it real?
Did I really stand a chance at being happy again?
As wonderful as his kiss was, it was too much. I pulled back, chest heaving, and stared at Banks for a long time.
I wanted more.
I didn’t want to stop.
But I had to, because I didn’t know how this was going to work.
Finally, I declared, “I think we need to talk.”
Nodding, Banks didn’t disagree with me.
EIGHTEEN
Banks
There wasn’t any emotion I didn’t feel at this moment.
Highs and lows—excited, frustrated, captivated, guilty, caught up, happy, and sad, to name a few.
Of all that I felt, I was mostly consumed by gratitude.
Because I liked what had been happening between Lamise and me a little too much, and I didn’t believe I would have had the power to stop us.
I was glad Lamise did.
The truth was, she hadn’t been wrong. We needed to talk.
After everything we had both been through, it was almost crucial for us to talk before things went somewhere we’d either regret or never be able to come back from. More than anything else, we needed to clear the air, talk about where we were, and share where we wanted to be.
“I’m so sorry, Banks,” Lamise apologized. “I’m sorry for stoppingus.”
I shook my head and insisted, “Don’t be. I’m glad you stopped us, because I think it’s a wise idea for us to talk.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She gave me a nod in return, indicating she believed what I was saying to her.
Needing to offer her some additional reassurance, I was compelled to reach a hand out to her arm and give her a squeeze. “Are you okay?” I asked, thinking it would be a smart idea to confirm that she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable or genuinely upset about what had just happened between us, what I’d just initiated between us.
God, it had been wonderful.
I’d gone for so long without any intimacy, and while there was a bit to unpack there about how I’d managed to kiss Lamise with some of the thoughts that had been plaguing my mind for weeks, I felt not only relieved to experience it again but also extraordinarily fortunate to have it with a woman like Lamise. I’d grown fond of her, and my feelings for her had gone well past appreciation for the way she looked after my son.
“I don’t want you to think I regret what just happened between us, because I am genuinely happy about having that with you,” she started. “The thing is, I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel other things at the same time.”
