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“She doesn’t have a mummy like I don’t have a daddy. She went away,” Beau says, walking her horses along the bath edge.
“Oh, that's sad. Why did she go away?” I wonder quietly.
Beau shrugs her little shoulder. “Grace wants you to be her mummy,” she replies. God, Cam would go nuts if he heard Gracevoice that. It’s clear he doesn’t want me to have any interaction with her.
“Well, I can be her friend, and maybe her daddy has a girlfriend.”
“No, he has dates,” Beau tells me.
“Will I ever get a daddy?” she suddenly asks, and I feel my chest give way. Oh god, I knew this was coming, but I just never suspected it would be this soon. Cameron flashes through my mind, making me feel sicker by the second.
“One day, we just need to find someone who loves us both,” I tell Beau, smiling at her. I haven’t given dating any thought, let alone putting it into action, but I can see Beau is becoming impressionable and will want male interaction. She will compare herself to others around her and wonder why they have a daddy and not her. Although she knows she is my gift, she doesn't understand the true depth of what her conception means.
“Like how Unky Cam loves Grace? He was sad,” she whispers, pressing her chin on the bath edge and watching me. Her hair is in wet strands and her big blue eyes stare softly at me.
“Yes, he was, but it’s all okay now.” I assure her, finishing the pile of clothes and placing it aside. I move over to her and help wash her hair.
After all the excitement of today, Beau crashes early, so I carry her up to bed and tuck her in, kissing her hair. I switch on her nightlight and pull her door too.
Dan seems laidback, so my gut instinct tells me something bad happened for him to refuse the use of images of Grace online. I’ve never been one to share Beau on a social platform. I deleted mine when I left Richmond and then licked my wounds in tearful silence. It takes that one thought for my mind to wonder back to my college days.
I wasin the school library during my free period, when green eyes latch onto mine from between the bookshelves. Blushing, I look down and try to work, but I can’t help notice that the warmth in my stomach is spreading until it is blooming in my chest. I spend my entire school life being invisible. But not from this person, though. No. They keep on watching until I have to pack up my things and leave.
It wasn’t until the week leading to the summer holidays I finally met the boy with the green eyes. I’d been rushing down the corridor when I slam into someone's chest. I yelp out in surprise, and find myself up against Richmond's finest. I knew of each kid. They were rich, arrogant and loud. The girls flock to them, the boys want to be them. Me, I want to be left alone.
“Sorry,” I mumble, securing my bag on my shoulder.
“Are you okay, Holly?” How the hell does he know my name? My head snaps back in surprise as I come face-to-face with Cameron Stone. School heartthrob. My eyes widen in shock, and he gives me a lopsided grin. “Everything okay?” he asks again. Someone shoves him, mimicking him, and I simply nod and rush away. My heart is erratic, my mind abuzz with confusion. Cameron Stone is the person watching me.
For the first time in my life, I was aware of myself not as a person but as a young woman. I purposely went to the library to see if I could see him again. Each time we were in the same place, we watched one another from a distance. Him observing me with a slight smile. Me assessing him with interest and some scepticism. He was one of the popular kids; why would he be interested in me? I couldn’t work it out, him out, but it hadn’t mattered what I thought because almost a month after I had realised it was him, he approached me.
“Hi, Holly.”
“Hi.” I dart my gaze everywhere but at him. He was stupidly handsome, especially for someone his age.
“What are you reading?” He plucks the book from my hand and smiles down at me when I gape at him.
“Nothing, I need a new book,” I croak. Is this a dare? I frown at him, annoyed that he might play with me. “Why do you keep looking at me?” I ask, shocking myself.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He grins.
“If this is some joke you and your mates are playing—” I start, but he shakes his head.
“Not a game. I like you,” he says softly, and gone is the cocky attitude. He’s looking at me with desire in his eyes.
“Cameron,” I stutter, not sure what to say or do, but he doesn’t let me fret over it long. Hands cup my face, full lips press to mine and then he is kissing me softly, slowly.
We never looked back. Cameron dragged me from my social darkness and gave me a level of confidence in myself I hadn’t known I was missing. Girls couldn’t understand his interest in me, boys suddenly took notice of me, but none of it mattered. We were in a bubble. We were in love. We’d been a couple for a year and a half when I caught him in bed with Sarah Daniels.
I'm notsure why I let myself get caught up in the past. Cameron is no longer my future, so anything that happened before now it’s irrelevant. Telling myself this doesn't stop me from going up to my room and pulling out an old box hidden in the back of my wardrobe. Lifting the lid, I rummage through the contents. Slowly, I pull out a book ‘Joinery for Beginners’and sigh. Cameron had kissed me that day in the library, pulled back with a happy sigh and slid a book free from the shelf.“Here you go. Doesn't matter what you loan, you won't read it.”
“Won’t I?”
“No, you’ll be thinking of me.”He’d been right that whole weekend I had been consumed by the thought of him. This bookhad gotten stuffed down the back of my bed and forgotten. It was months after my breakup with Cameron that my father arrived in London with my belongings. All our keepsakes had somehow travelled back and I couldn't part with it. It's only now as I stare at the worn pages, I realise Cameron has his own joinery business. Does he remember giving me this? I never read the book, but tonight I take it downstairs with me. I fill up a glass of wine and sit out on the decking, looking at the book index and flicking through to read up about joinery and carpentry. At least I will know what I'm talking about when I contact someone to make the shelves in the dining room. Perhaps whoever does the shelves can fix the decking. There is the odd plank that needs refreshing and new nails banging in. Then I can use the book to throw at Cameron for his constant distaste and aggression towards me.
Chapter Nine
Cameron
