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“Holly?” I blink up at Cam.
“Kerry said you and Holly dated years ago, that you were accused of rape and that she left.” I stare at Cameron wordlessly, asking him if this is true, was he accused of rape? What the hell have I missed all these years?
“I suggest you come to the main source when digging for information,” he growls at her.
“Like I'm going to ask you about your rape trial?” Nadine snaps.
Trial? I gasp and pull away from him, but he takes my face in his hands. “I never cheated on you, Holly. I’d never do that to you.”
“But you’ll cheat on me.” Nadine scoffs.
“Shut up!”Cameron and I snap.
“Rape, Cam?”
“Baby, it was hell, I can’t even…” Shaking his head, he swallows and gives me a sad smile. “I never raped anyone. Sarah raped me that night. I’d never cheat on you.Never.”
Raped him? Gasping, I cover my mouth and search his eyes. It’s there, the pain. The shame. “Cam, I… I don't know what to say.”
“I'm so fucking angry with you.” His voice cracks. Tears fill his gaze, and I drop my head. I left him. Believed the worst. Rejected our love in the blink of an eye and removed myself from his life, leaving him to single-handedly deal with a hell that is still clear in his eyes.
Nadine’s dejected voice disrupts our moment. “You’re still in love with her.” I blink at her over Cameron's shoulder.
“I don't know how not to be,” Cam says, shocking me. My eyes flick briefly to him. After all this time, I silently question, but his attention returns to a tearful Nadine. Standing on a sigh, he walks to her and leans in, pecking her cheek. “I'm truly sorry. Take care of yourself, Nadine. I need to get out of here.” He swallows thickly, his fists now clenching rhythmically.
Cameron steps out of the shop, leaving a confused and shocked me, and a sniffling Nadine in his wake. “Nadine.” I stand, hoping to draw a line under this and move forward with some understanding.
“Don’t.” Her whisper guts me. I know how much pain she is in. “Not yet. I can't.” I offer her a compassionate smile, but she doesn't return it. She leaves in a rush, and I stare after both retreating backs, wondering where in the hell that leaves me.
Full of regret.
That’s where. Shame and self-disgust chips away at me for having such a profound effect on so many lives when I could have stayed and dealt with life instead of running towards a safety Cameron was never granted. Rape. I drop my head in my hands and sob quietly in the shop.
Chapter Sixteen
Cameron
“Idon't know what the fuck is wrong with me.” I catch Dan's concerned stare. “Some sick part of me wanted to tell her the truth and enjoy her guilt, but I feel even more ashamed now than I did back then,” I whisper, and stare at a speck of fluff on the floor to stop myself from giving in to my emotions. For the first time in a long damn while, I want to cry. I want to roar and throw my fists. Shaking my head, I pinch the bridge of my nose and suck in a deep breath.
I'm not going to fucking cry.
She didn’t care back then, so why the hell should I give a fuck how she feels now?
I don’t.
Dan slaps my back. “Let it out, mate.”
“Kerry needs to keep her fucking mouth shut,” I hiss, shrugging him off.
“Don’t do that. She was probably trying to placate Nadine, who, by the sounds of it, came to her own conclusions,” Dan mutters, watching me with irritating intensity. He’s expecting me to lose it. I'm unravelling. I can feel it. That horrible sensation of being unhinged is dangling at the periphery of my mind, urging me to accept it and snap. I'm not giving in.Shrugging, I dismiss both women’s feelings and move away from my friend. I know Dan is being supportive, but his hand being on my back makes me want to break down. I hate this feeling. I'm fighting it with everything I have. Every cell is under attack to an anger I have no control over, to a hatred that's bleak and traumatic. I don't want to be that person again. I hated that person. He disgusts me.
“What did Holly say?” he asks in a cautious tone, goes to the fridge and pulls two beers out.
“Nothing, I left. I didn't want her to look at me in pity,” I reply. Who cares what she says or even thinks? She bloody left me, and her actions fuelled others’ suspicions. Why would someone helplessly in love with me run a mile if what I was accused of hadn’t happened? Sarah’s lawyer’s snide remark comes back, and I crick my neck.
“Understandable. Why don't you give Dr Peterson a call?” Dan proposes and hands me a beer. I glare at him.
“I don't need a therapist,” I mutter and take a long pull of my beer. I did back then, but fuck going through that again. Being cross-examined and having my feelings dissected was bad enough the first time, but pulling the infected bandage off again to relive that night, a moment that cost me my life, my manhood, is the last thing I ever want to do.
