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“It helped last time,” he replies calmly and takes a seat on my sofa. He’s right, but I refuse to let him know that. It helped me to accept the nasty turn my life had taken, to accept the confusion and heartache. Slowly, but surely, I came to terms with the ordeal of being dragged through the mud publicly.
Am I over the rape and losing Holly? Never.
“I don't want to talk about it.”
“You said that last time, and back then, Holly was gone. She's here now and you’re feeling new things. Mate, I can't help you. I haven't got a clue what to say. Ring Peterson,” he pleads. I gruntin response and close my eyes. Holly's distraught face slams through my mind. Fuck!
“And for fuck’s sake, get rid of this wank sofa,” he groans. I side-eye him and smirk at his appalled expression. It is fucking hideous.
“It’s on order. Kitchen and bathrooms are coming soon too,” I say, happy for the distraction. Another week and my house will be a home. Everything I have been working towards over the past few years is finally coming to fruition, and it feels so good. At Least that part of my life is good. I grip onto it with single-handed determination.
“Holly is going to want to talk to you.”
“I'm not interested,” I mutter.
“Oh, pull the other one. You need to hash all this shit out. At least talk to her if you’re not going to speak to Peterson.”
I laugh. “And what is sweet little Holly going to be able to help me with that a practised and experienced therapist can’t?”
“You’re in love with her. Sometimes, what breaks you needs to fix you,” Dan imparts philosophically. I pull a concerned glance at him and stand, weirded out. “What?”
“You and all this la-di-da textbook shit.” I shudder.
“Tell me it’s a lie.” He raises his brow, and I shake my head, trying not to laugh. He’s a fucking woman in man’s clothing. I swear it.
I don't answer for a few moments, mulling it all over in my chaotic mind. “Dan, I don't want to talk to Holly.”
“No?” He smirks knowingly at me, though his eyes are focused on something behind me.
“No. I want to fuck her. End of,” I growl. Dan shakes his head in warning at me. “What the hell are you shaking your head for? If I want to fuck her, I will.”
“Nice.”Holly’s disappointed voice shocks me. With gritted teeth, I turn to where she is standing awkwardly in the backdoorway. Clearing her throat, she gives me a sympathetic smile. “I think we need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.” I neck the rest of my beer, keeping my eyes on her. She’s wearing a pair of tight jeans and a fitted top, showcasing all of her curves. “Like I said to Dan, I want to fuck you, so if you’re game, feel free to stay, otherwise go away.”
“Cam!” Dan snaps, grabbing my shoulder. “Cut it out.”
“What?” I laugh, unfazed by how stung Holly looks at my harsh words.
“You’re sabotaging again. Stop it,” Dan hisses. “Holly, give him a few days.” So, he’s planning my life now too? Good to know!
“Yeah, what's a few more days after ten years. How does it feel to know you’re in the wrong and not me?”
“I didn’t know,” Holly whispers.
“YOU DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!” I roar, standing and throwing my beer to the ground and it smashes. Dan steps in front of me as I charge at Holly to scream all my hurt and anger in her face. She backs up and blinks back tears. “You don’t get to cry!” I tell her. “What did you lose?” I snigger. “My fucking parents disowned me.” I punch my chest. I suck in short breaths and blink as my eyes burn. Dan pushes me back as I press into him. With a growl, I throw a punch, landing it to his jaw. “Fuck off!” I bellow at him.
“Holly, leave!” Dan snaps.
“Oh god, Dan,” she whispers, distressed.
“Holly, it’s okay, please go. I can handle it.”
I laugh, then launch my fist into the door, leaving a huge hole in it. I want to scare her off. Send her away, out of Richmond. Out of my life. And to think I was even remotely happy she was back that first day. I can’t express the level of anger I'm dealing with now that I’ve confessed what happened. The trauma I hadshut down in my mind has sprung wide open and is ready to destroy anything in its path. Destroy me.
The door slams shut, and I stare at the thick wood, panting uncontrollably. “Nice going, hulk,” Dan moans, working his jaw. “Next time, aim for my arm.”
“FUCK!”
