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The second I turn the engine off, she is unbuckling herself and pushing the door open. She runs up the driveway where Cam walks to meet her. “Hey, boo!” He smiles, picking her up, and Beau throws her head back on a laugh and grips at his collar.
“Emily hit Grace’s daddy with the mop,” she announces loudly. Cam looks at me in confusion.
“Don't ask.” When Dan said to expect a visit, I thought he meant in the next few days, not tonight. Now. Right this minute.
“Can I come in?” Cam asks, holding Beau with one arm. I have no idea if it’s hormones or just him, but seeing him carry Beau is just the sexiest thing. That and him calling her boo.
“Yeah!” she squeals.
“Sure,” I croak.
“Relax, Holly.”
“Yeah, Mummy, relax. Ice cream and pizza.” She grins.
“Maybe another night,” I tell her and unlock the door. Cam doesn't let Beau down and she is happy to stay in his arms, she even rests her head on his chest and yawns. “She’s super tired.”
“It’s not a problem,” he replies, “is it?” He looks at my little girl snuggled into him.
“Nope!” She smiles adoringly at him.
“Make yourself comfortable. We haven’t had dinner, and I’ve got something in the slow cooker,” I say nervously. “Do you want some?”
“Sure.”
I rush about setting the table and serving dinner. My girl is adamant to sit next to Cameron. It’s odd seeing him sitting at the table with us, quietly chatting to Beau about her day. We keep it neutral and after a few minutes of me trying to negotiate withBeau, I finally relent and let Cameron put her to bed when we finish our meal.
“Let me sort your jammies out and you can brush your teeth, then Cameron can read you a story,” I suggest.
“Okay.” She nods. “We’re readingThe Princess and the Pea,” she tells Cam pointedly.
“Good, I like that one.” His chest inflates, and I see him swallow his emotions. He’s finding this hard too. We share a moment of understanding, silent pain pulsing below the surface. I hold his stare and beg him to forgive me with my eyes alone. I never meant to hurt him, and I hate myself for my part in all of this.
“Go on then.” He nods for us to go.
I twist away and help Beau up the stairs, getting her ready. As soon as she is changed, she stands at the top of the stairs.
“Unky Cameron, come read my story!” I keep quiet as his soft but clear footsteps ascend the stairs. His face slowly comes into view, and I bite the inside of my mouth. Beau grabs his hand and pulls him towards her room, where she runs in and bounces on the bed excitedly. “This my unicorn room!” she informs him, delighted by all the pink, fluffy glitter.
“Wow, I wish my room was like this.”
“Mummy, you sit there!” Beau points at the old leather office chair that was my father’s.
“Okay.” I slip into the chair. Is it me, or are we both taking direction from a small child to save ourselves the stress of making our own decisions?
“You have to lie on the bed like Mummy does,” Beau tells him with a shake of her head.
“I'm a bit bigger than your mummy.” Cameron smiles. “I can sit here on the floor.” He begins reading, and his deep voice floats through the room in a rich lull. Beau grips onto his forearm and smiles, enchanted by him. I cover my mouthbecause she is desperate for the love of a father. Repeatedly, I want to flee from the room, but some sixth sense tells me this is the only time it’s going to happen, so I stay rooted, lapping up the view until my daughter drifts off to sleep.
Chapter Eighteen
Cameron
Ican think of a thousand excuses why I shouldn’t read to this little girl, but only one has me sitting beside her bed. I love her little blonde head. She’s fast asleep now, oblivious to the turmoil running between her mother and me. And there is enough turmoil to fill a dam. I’ve allowed myself this one memory. We can’t have any more. I spent the entire weekend and drive home rallying my brain into what needed to be done. I love this woman and I was telling Nadine the truth when I said I don't know how not to love her. I’ve loved Holly for so long the alternative is impossible, but I love the Holly from before, and the man I am today isn't ready to get to the know the woman who looks like her. I suspect on some level she feels the same. We are both different people and too much has happened for us to ever get back to hash it out. And for me, that means cutting off the past. Holly and I have been over for a decade, but today, I finally get to say goodbye.
“Can I make you a drink?” Her soft voice grabs my attention from Beau. I will miss this little girl.
“Got any beer?”
