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“When are you leaving?”
“I'm nearly done renovating the old rectory, so once that’s complete and the other house goes through,” I tell her, and she bites at the inside of her cheek. “I'm really proud of you, though.” I say gruffly.
“You are?”
“Beau is amazing. She’s smart and cute, and a credit to you, Holly, you’re an amazing mother, but I always knew you would be. The shop too. I’ve loved having a small insight into your life, and meeting your daughter.”
“Beau really likes you.” She picks at the rug and sighs. “Thank you for being so kind to her.”
We sit in a restrained silence. The tension is thick because we know what's coming. We need to get over that last hurdle. “Look, I really ought to get going, and I appreciate you letting me come round.” She nods and bites her lip. Panic flashes in her eyes, but I don't allow myself to acknowledge it.
“I'm sorry for what you’ve been through.” Her raspy tone alerts me to more possible tears.
I tap my chest. “Stone heart.” I give her a lopsided smile. “Don’t worry about me.” Her pointed stare tells me she most likely will.
“Can I give you a hug before you go?” Her cheeks stain bright red, and I smile at her. Always so shy when asking for what she wants. God, she’s so beautiful.
“I’ll do you one better.” I cup her face, bringing my lips flush to hers, and like I knew she would, she gasps in shock. I dive right in with my tongue. There was no way in hell I was leaving Richmond without kissing her goodbye. She is the love of my life. My old life, admittedly, and I'm sealing the door closed with a kiss for good luck. Holly grips tight and tangles her fingers into my hair. I want nothing more than to push her against the nearest available surface and sink into her, but I keep it to just a kiss. It goes on and on. All those times I kissed other women, this was what I imagined—trembling hands, soft lips and hard passion. Holly effortlessly pulls off a sexual innocence that triggers something in me. Something I'm programmed to reciprocate in the only way she needs. I clasp her face as tightly as I can without hurting her and feel every brush of her lips against mine. After an age of losing myself to the one vice that has grounded me to an unshakeable calm, I drag myself away.
“I hate that I still love you,” she confesses. She wasn’t supposed to admit that. I see the regret in her face.
“Back at you.” I give her lips one last chaste kiss and stand. “I'm going to go,” I say, for both our sakes.
She stands and follows me silently to the door. “Goodnight, Cam.”
“I have a gift for Beau before I leave.”
“Thank you.” She wipes under her eyes and pulls her sleeves down over her hands and hugs herself. “It’s her birthday in two weeks, so if you're still here, perhaps you can give it to her then?”
“She’ll have it for her birthday.” I step out of the door.
“Thank you.” Her whisper becomes swallowed up by a passing car, however I see her gratitude and it fixes me to the front step. Her understanding rankles me slightly. I thought she would beg and plead for me to stay. She’s too accepting. Too selfless to voice her true feelings, not that it matters. I've made up my mind and chose to heal myself without her.
“Goodnight, Hol.” I turn finally and begin down the drive.
“Cam!” she calls after me. When I turn, she is shaking her head tearfully.
“I know.” I know, and it fucking hurts like a bitch.
This is it. It only took us a decade, but we finally got closure. I told Dan I would head to his after, but I'm not in the mood for company. I get in my car and drive home. I’ve got a gift to make.
I stare at Dr Peterson,who has aged well over the last decade, her once blonde hair now pinned back in a grey bun, and her face is slightly wrinkled. I’ve spent the past forty-five minutes giving her a rundown of my life. How Holly is back and how I’ve handled my grief and taken control like she said to do years ago. The guys would be sickened to see me bleating like a goat to some shrink, but I'm satisfied with the outcome. For some peculiar reason, I need to hear from an outsider that I’ve done the right thing.
She smiles at me over her iPad, and I throw her my most charming smile. I am a little smug with myself. I took control. Goodbye, bullshit past. “Cameron, I suspect you want me to commend you for your efforts. Or, at the very least, reassure you’ve made the right decision.” My smile slowly begins to drop away at her tone. What else is there to say? “Would I be correct in thinking you believe after all you’ve been through, both yourself and Miss Matthews cannot resolve this whilst being intimate?” This is why I hated coming here. Every thought I had deflected is gouged out and slapped in front of me to dissect. I swallow and stare silently at her. “Given your history with Miss Matthews and your tendency to sabotage...” I grit my teeth andshift in my seat. “Is it likely that you are choosing to run from the situation as you feel it’s too big an obstacle to overcome?”
“It is,” I grind out, furious at her for not giving me a pat on the back and sending me on my merry way.
“How would you know? Have you tried?”
“I… We’re not the same people.”
“And yet you are. You’ve both been living in the past. Sure, the world has continued moving and you’ve aged, had an experience or two, but the root of that night has tethered you both. I would like to see Miss Matthews at our next appointment, if she is willing, of course.”
Who the fuck is this lady, and why isn't she supporting a decision she expressed I needed to achieve! Okay, it was years ago, but she could at least commend me.
“I'm not having a next appointment,” I spit and stand. Fucking fuck! This was not supposed to go like this. “I'm moving away. I already told you that.”
“You stayed for Miss Matthews to return so you could tell her that you have loved her all this time and quite likely still do?” She tilts her head at me and my damn eye twitches. I don’t like this older Dr fucking Peterson. “I'm just reaffirming what you have told me. Is this correct?” she hums in that same fucking tone.
