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She was gnawing on her bottom lip. "Cooper, I don't know how to say this," she started, but I cut in.
"Just say whatever it is baby," I encouraged and watched as her eyes held mine, swimming with unshed tears. Instinctively, I knew whatever was about to come out of her mouth would be life-changing. When she said the words, it was a such a shock that when I remember the moment, I block out the words so all I remember is her sad face and then her walking away as I stood there dumbfounded.
I don't know how long I stood there, my teammates looking at me strangely as they shuffled around me to get into the locker room. Then I felt Bo slap his hand on my back and tell me in a comforting voice, "it's probably for the best son. You’ve got a lot ahead of you. Remember that."
I always appreciated his words, even though I knew right then and there they weren't true. I knew I'd lost the best thing that ever happen to me. And even though I had a successful career in the NFL, the highs I got from scoring touchdowns, winning games, and talking to the fans would never reach the highs of having Haley in my arms.
These were the thoughts that kept rolling around in my head as I tossed and turned after I left Haley's place. That, and the look of utter abandonment and confusion on her face when I walked out on her.
If I were a lesser man, I would've taken some sort of enjoyment out of that, remembering how abandoned I’d felt when she left me. As it is, it was taking everything in me not to crawl back to her and beg to stay by her side even if she didn't want me and that just made me feel like a pathetic loser all over again.
I've had so much success in my life and though I've had some setbacks with my knee, all of it has felt hollow without Haley by my side. It has always amazed me how all the success in the world can be overshadowed by the absence of someone important.
When I finally fell into a fitful sleep, I dreamt I was standing at an altar, much like I imagined Haley's ex had done, waiting excitedly for her appear. Only to catch the horrified look on her face before she scooped up her skirts and hightailed it out of there.
I don't know how Marcus responded, but in my dream, I started running. There was no pain in my knee. It was as good as new and damned if I wasn't determined to catch up with her and I got close. I ran up on that frothy white veil blowing behind her, and I was mere centimeters from being able to touch her when a persistent ringing sound worked its way into my dream. It took my attention from her just long enough for her to gain speed and get away again, and I jerked awake. It took a good minute for me to realize the ringing was my phone next to my head.
It stopped, and I looked over at the clock. "What the hell?" I murmured, seeing that it was only 5:15 AM. Who was trying to call me at this hour?
I plopped my head back down on my pillow, trying to calm my racing heart. I wasn't sure if I was out of breath because the phone startled me awake or because of my disturbing dream. My knee ached as if I’d actually been running that hard after Haley.
When I looked at the phone to see who was trying to get a hold of me, I saw it was Bo. I didn't hear from him much these days. I'd been out of the game for over two years now with little prospect of going back.
He swore he was working tirelessly to scout coaching positions or consulting gigs, but nothing had come up, and I’d wondered on a few of occasions how hard he tried, although I couldn'tblame him. I wasn't the hottest thing anymore—I was damaged goods. He had a hoard of up-and-coming clients who were in good physical health. It wasn't uncommon for the injured guys to be shuffled to the back of the line.
When I first got hurt, I called him nearly every day to see if there was anything new. Tess pointed out this just wound me up more, and if I wasn't careful, it would take me even longer to heal.
"Cooper, I know you don't want to hear this, but it might be time to consider a life that doesn't involve football... at least not in the way it's consumed your life until now," she told me. Her words pissed me off so much, we didn't speak for a week.
But Tess still took my calls... Bo, not so much. I hated to admit she was right. There was a real possibility that football wouldn't be a part of my life anymore, and I needed to accept that. It’s still something I struggle with on a daily basis, so I stopped getting excited about seeing Bo's name on my caller ID’s missed calls list. I set the phone aside. If it was really important, he would call back, no big deal.
My eyelids still felt heavy. Maybe I could get a little more sleep, although that seemed unlikely after the dream I'd had. I tried closing them anyway, only to be startled back open when the phone started ringing. I grabbed it without hesitation, seeing it was Bo again.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Cooper, my man, long time no talk."
I snorted out a laugh. "I'll say."
"Oh, come on Coop, don't be like that. You know I have a lot of clients to keep up with. I'm an old man. It takes me a little bit longer than it used to," he said jovially, and the tone I used to find comforting grated on my nerves.
That line had been an excuse ever since I got hurt and while part of me understood, the other part of me resented it. He'dalways promised to stay by my side through thick and thin, but now that we’ve hit the thin part of our relationship, it’s been a little tougher to track him down.
"Besides, when you hear the offer I've secured for you, you'll forget all about it," he hinted, satisfaction lacing his words.
My ears perked up and my heart rate picked up again as well. Maybe circumstances were taking a turn for me... so why was my gut screaming in warning?
Haley
Something strange happened after Cooper left. I sat on the couch in the dark, tears streaming down my face. The memories of the last few hours ran through my head, stalling on when I'd pushed Cooper away from me and I saw the look of utter heartbreak in his eyes. I had done it to him again.
I flipped on the table lamp next to me, deciding it was a little too dramatic to be sitting in the dark crying, but when I flipped on the light, it seemed to flip a switch in me too. No matter how much I detested what Cooper said, he wasn’t wrong.
My parents wouldn't want this for me. They would be devastated if they knew I was locking myself away.
I’d spent my whole life making sure everybody else's needs were met, but maybe it was time to heed my mother’s warning. She said if I didn't find time to take care of myself, nobody elsewould, and eventually I would put myself in a position where I couldn't help anybody because I would be too depleted.
That Cooper had been the one to tell me my parents would be disappointed with how my life was going angered me and I let that anger propel me off the couch and for the first time in a week, I started looking around me. I finally saw it all so clearly.
